When your personal life is not going well, you involuntarily begin to wonder, why, in fact, is this all at all??? After all, relationships with the opposite sex are hemorrhoids, no matter how you look at them. This thought visits both guys and girls from time to time.
Relationships are a complex and multifaceted topic. You have to spend time looking for a partner, weed out unsatisfactory options (and this can cost a pretty penny if you are a man and you spend meetings in a cafe), spend your free time and never state-owned nerves. Have you found a girlfriend? At first, of course, there will be euphoria and sincere happiness. And what's next? Jealousy, female whims, unchanging claims and other “joys of life” that a heterosexual man cannot do without.
So what's the point of a relationship if it's more of a problem than a pleasure? Well, firstly, not everyone and not always everything is so sad. And secondly, there are actually quite a few reasons. Let's deal with them. It is likely that you will finally understand why it does not add up with girls. Or do you even realize that it’s easier for one. So, here are the most common reasons for looking for a partner.
Quality regular sex
As practice shows, not all men passionately desire to see a new lady in their bed every day. Sooner or later, an insistent desire for stability and just one pair of long female legs on their muscular shoulders creeps into the soul. This is quite normal even for an inveterate womanizer. And it's not about the wedding. A man just wants sex to be regular and a little predictable.
Why does it even attract such freedom-loving guys:
Intimacy with a regular partner is a guaranteed pleasure.
You know for sure that you will not break off and waste the evening for the sake of a typical "dynamo". Of course, a sick head also cannot be excluded from the list of problems. However, the risk of running into a complete rejection of sex in this case is much lower.
You gradually get to know each other's needs a little better, which allows you to give more intense pleasure.
By the way, in this regard, male and female impressions are somewhat different, as girls admit that the first sex with a new guy is more exciting and even exciting for them. But if you ask about the same experienced gentlemen, you will get a slightly different answer. Most men call the first intimacy a game of roulette and a rather stressful experience. But sex with an already familiar girl is a sensual and intense pleasure.
Now you both understand how best to caress a partner, what can be done and what is not desirable. Therefore, the impressions are extremely positive. But this fact applies only to those couples who already know how to speak words through their mouths. Guessing games can bring discord into intimate life for a long time.
She becomes only yours.
All men are owners. And to an adequate degree, I even welcome this. When a woman becomes a permanent sexual partner, there is a rather pleasant feeling that she belongs only to you. So in addition to physical satisfaction, moral satisfaction can also be written here.
It doesn't matter if you're planning to marry your lady and have a bunch of kids along with a mortgage, or if you just want stability in your bed. Why is a relationship needed? At least spend evenings in the arms of a charming beauty.
People have this feeling that they urgently need to produce many small copies of themselves. Otherwise, the great Pupkin family will perish for nothing. My sarcasm may not seem very appropriate to someone, but in fact the situation is exactly this without exaggeration. Wanting a relationship because you need a soul mate nearby with a beautiful bust to boot is normal. Wanting a relationship in order to stupidly multiply (it doesn’t matter, in fact, with whom, the main thing is to be able to give birth) - no.
However, invisible ticking clocks can push to reckless actions not only girls. Many guys decide that it's time for a relationship, not because they are somehow uncomfortable being alone, but simply for posterity. As a result, there are marriages for 1-3 years, divorced young and not very couples, alimony and other "goodies".
So if it seems to you that you need to find a partner solely because you are already 30/40/50 years old, and the money required by law for the maintenance of the child has not yet been deducted from your salary, try to look at the situation with sober eyes, and not through the prism of social duty. Living with an unloved person for many years just for the sake of offspring is not a good idea for a man.
Because it's customary
This reason is even cooler. That is, you don’t really need anyone at all, but parents are dripping on the brain, begging their granddaughters to “play around”, hinting that what if you went after the boys at all, etc. In our society, people without a permanent partner often look a little sideways and with ill-disguised pity.
Like, oh, he is poor and unhappy, without a girlfriend, without a wife, without seven shopkeepers, a kopeck piece in a mortgage and a Solaris loan. And do not care that a person has a great job, financial independence, a favorite hobby and complete moral harmony. It is by definition considered inferior.
Is it necessary in such a situation to urgently undermine and run in search of a partner so that all relatives and entourage are at least so far behind? Definitely not. If you understand that the answer to the question of why a relationship is needed is strictly negative, you should put a well-known vegetable of large size and diameter on someone else's opinion. Otherwise, sooner or later you will find yourself in an unloved apartment with a completely alien woman in spirit and unnecessary heirs.
Always remember that a relationship is worth starting only if there is a real need for them in the person himself. Everyone personally controls their own destiny. Living alone is a perfectly adequate choice, if that is how comfort is achieved. And yes, those who want to play grandparents are also not particularly worth listening to. You will be fully responsible for your children. Relatives prefer to play more at a distance.
Solving material and housing problems
This applies not only to modern “models” with swung lips to the outward resemblance to those between the legs. Sometimes guys also decide to stop their wild life a la “forever young, forever drunk”, because a successful passion turns up. For example, a girl has wealthy parents, her father has a good position in a large company and can attach you there too, or in general the lady herself occupies a leadership position.
Should such couples be condemned? I don't do that with women or men. The main thing is that everything suits both. However, such unions rarely exist for a long time. Lucky if the principle of "be patient, fall in love" works. That is, at first you start a relationship just because it turns out to improve the quality of life, and then slowly you understand that there really is a person, for which you should love and appreciate as a person. If this does not happen, sooner or later insincerity makes itself felt, and the couple breaks up.
Looking for a friend and moral support
In my opinion, this is the most adequate reason to start a relationship. Love is a flexible concept. Many people cannot even explain what it is for them, in fact, is. But a partner with whom it is pleasant to spend time, communicate, do one thing or just silently be around is really required for every person.
Why do we need a relationship where everything is arranged on the principle of friendship and mutual interest:
- people respect each other and consider everyone's opinion;
- no unhealthy jealousy;
- you can listen and hear;
- there is always an interesting interlocutor nearby;
- you can share not only joy, but also sadness;
- a reliable support appears in life, for which your financial situation is not important.
Can this be called love? In my understanding, yes. As a result, she herself came to just such a relationship, when with a person it is simply much better than without him. No hassle, just good regular sex, interesting communication, mutual sympathy, support and understanding, suffering from nonsense, as well as pizza with beer and TV on weekends. I don't know about you, but that's what love is for me.
The desire to be needed and valuable
Here it is already worth talking about male psychology. Every person wants to be important to someone. But it is the stronger sex that needs this understanding most acutely. Nature has arranged everything in such a way that since ancient times, males have kept their home and family on their overworked shoulders, hunted mammoths, seen sincere admiration and gratitude in the eyes of the chosen woman.
As the years pass, the environment and society improve, mammoths have been replaced by fast food at McDonald's. But the desire to be needed in men has remained. Who will admire him if not a woman? So, many guys are looking for a girl for a relationship precisely because without her they don’t feel like a full-fledged male. A little strange, at first glance, the reason. However, if you delve into the very depths of your nature, you will surely find reflections of something similar.
Moreover, in a healthy relationship, a man will be valuable not because he earns a lot or pumped up in the style of Schwarzenegger, but simply because of his existence. And an admiring female look in this situation can be obtained even after the spectacular uncorking of a jar of pickles. You are a male, over there, a mammoth, that is, you got a cucumber.
Fear of loneliness
This is inherent in very many people in our time. Moreover, the denser a person is surrounded by society, the more acutely he feels the creeping old age without a glass of water. This is due to the active development of social networks and instant messengers. That is, you seem to communicate with a large number of people, have a lot of virtual comrades, flirt with might and main with beauties on dating sites, but in fact there is no one to even go to hang out with on your own birthday.
Why do we need a relationship in this case? Yes, purely so as not to feel lonely. It is customary to attribute this to old maids - women aged 35-40+ who have neither a spouse nor children, only pets (in principle, I see nothing wrong with this, happy ladies). But men, too, sometimes start relationships not out of love or sympathy, but simply “to be.”
I can't say that such a couple will inevitably break up after a short period of time. I personally know people who met like this for almost 7 years, then got married and had children. There are no feelings, but it’s not scary that you will remain alone. But still, from the point of view of psychology, these relationships cannot be called completely healthy. Each partner thus struggles with phobias, and does not have the need to give and receive warmth.
Thirst to bud from parents
Oh yes, infantilism now blooms and smells among young and not so people and girls. Like it or not, overprotection does not bode well for the child. And if parental control, mixed with a toxic manifestation of care, gradually brought the child to the handle, there is a desire to finally find at least some kind of partner in order to quickly get out of the family nest.
It seems that I am now describing specifically the female vision of the side. However, in the modern world, it is boys who are most often subjected to such overprotection, so they marry early and never again appear in the family estate, even if they soon get divorced.
Why do we need relationships in this case? Consider the situation in the context of personal psychology:
- to finally feel independent;
- prove to parents that you can already make important decisions yourself;
- in spite of mom or dad, who are categorically against this partner;
- to find a good reason to separate from parents in material and housing terms, but at the same time not to listen to tantrums with subsequent imitation of a heart attack and a stroke at the same time;
- to acquire a soul mate so that you can start working through psychological traumas and unclosed gestalts with him.
In general, if the relationship focuses on the last item on the list, the couple is formed quite strong. Both of you understand why you started dating and are a reliable moral support (read the paragraph about friendships). In all other cases, the partner may not understand at all why she gave up such a downtrodden sissy.
Change / increase in social status
In this case, the influence of the foundations of society can be traced again. Everyone must have a passport with a traditional stamp on a specific page, period. This person literally absorbs with mother's milk. So having a relationship for him is something mandatory in life. Such people themselves sometimes cannot say why they should look for a mate at all. Here it is, and that's it. Without a stamp, life is wasted.
If this is about you, I advise you to reconsider your own priorities a little. Try to find meaning in something else. Perhaps you should find a hobby or hobby you love. Why do we need a relationship with another person if the ultimate goal is just a stamp? First, you should find yourself, and only then, as a self-sufficient person, decide whether you need to meet with someone or not. Throwing yourself into marriage, as if into a pool with your head, is a risky business.
The desire to gain power over someone
Do you feel it? It smelled of abuse. A trendy word these days. But in fact it is also the harsh truth of life. Sometimes a man enters into a relationship just because he needs a personal "whipping girl" - a kind of simpleton or a fool in love who can be pushed around as he pleases. Among women, by the way, there are also quite a few such cadres who are hungry for power. It's not all of you who are evil and bad because of the presence of a prominent primary sexual characteristic. This is what is in a person's head.
Such relationships are traumatic. One loves, and the other enjoys his power without giving anything in return. At best, at some point, the partner will finally find the strength to just get up and leave. At worst, she and the children will suffer, and you will never know normal relations on an equal footing, where mutual understanding and respect reign.
Do you want to hear about the other side of the coin? OK. An abusive woman to whom you will be attached all your life, because you sincerely believe that there is a touching and tender love between you. In real life, the lady frankly uses such openness, enjoying the confusion and inner pain of her partner. Well, how does it sound? If not really, then do not rush to turn off your head, no matter how strong the feelings are.
Relationships are always giving and taking. In the case when one thread is blocked, such a pair will not last long. Unless both of you were brought up in the style of the USSR, where everyone was called to the following model of life: born, suffered a little and died. Sit down and think carefully about what problem you want to solve with the help of a partner. If the reason for the search is something like getting rid of the complexes or “my mother said I need it,” it’s better to wait with the relationship for the time being.
There is nothing wrong with wanting to find a soulmate or soul mate. It is much worse if you deceive yourself and the girl that you definitely need a marriage stamp in your passport. Relationships should facilitate the existence of a person, and not become a heavy burden and an overwhelming obligation. So just listen to yourself. And traditionally I wish you good luck!