Carter Lowe Creator, entrepreneur, and self-care advocate
Reading time: 5 min

What do you really want

How to be yourself? A little about how to love your imperfection and follow your own path. You can find your forgotten dreams, leave behind internal conflicts, and allow yourself to do what you love while still being able to pay the bills.

Lost illusions

Parents have their own dreams and focus on their desires, not yours. They developed images of successful sons and beautiful wealthy daughters - well-arranged children who can be proud of in front of others. Very few parents have the luxury of peace of mind, which helps them realize that the most reasonable thing for a child is to find their own path and follow it.

And where on this list is the setting to realize your unique potential? Who insisted that you seek your own, original self, no matter what the cost?

Try this exercise: draw a portrait of the ideal person according to your family. Write down what kind of life you want for you. For example: “Mom wanted me to be caring and respectable - and became a lawyer. Dad: was brave and aspired to win - and became an investment banker. Grandpa: was a real hero. Etc. Now look at the “perfect” child who fulfilled all expectations. Admit it: it's impossible. You can't do what they want. So just move on.

About the most reliable beacon

Your interests are a reliable indicator of talents. There's no way to figure out everything you're talented at until you've experienced it. But if you respect your own curiosity, you will discover new talent in any job.

You will never be satisfied with what you don't really want, no matter how much. If you want ice cream, twenty chocolate bars will not satisfy you. But one serving of ice cream - no doubt! The soul, like the taste buds, does not accept substitutes. You have to give her what she needs or she won't leave you alone.

The Secret of Geniuses

You may seem busy all the time. You paint in oils, build models, or sketch inventions day and night, but don't take things to their logical conclusion. Therefore, your paintings do not reach the galleries, and projects and inventions do not fall into the eyes of the right people. You may never get anywhere because you can't stand "boring" work, and you know it.

When an opportunity to make money with a regular job comes up, you think it's just awful. “So many less talented people get the job I want! says the rebel. “It all depends on connections.” Scratch the top and you're almost guaranteed to find someone who has room to improve but doesn't put in the effort to get there.

However, geniuses are calm about ordinary work. Einstein worked for a salary in the patent office and did not consider it humiliating at all. Rebelling against the ordinary, you lose the chance to achieve a real dream.

Action as a response

Fear creates even more imaginary obstacles than ignorance. That is why a small step from reasoning to reality can bring amazing relief. That's how it turned out for George. George wanted to get married and have children. But imaginary obstacles made meeting the right woman impossible in his eyes.

He was an information technology consultant, worked hard and didn't have a lot of money. It seemed to him that no woman would want to mess with him until he had money to change the interior of the apartment, buy a car and drive a girlfriend to good restaurants.

George had no idea at all when he would meet a woman, and did nothing about it, waiting for the right moment. There is a quantum leap between action and the idea of ​​action. Thinking about swimming, you will not fall into the water.

In fact, George simply had no experience with women, and he was scared. But George used the Reality principle as the Solution. The principle is: do it before you're ready. For George, this meant that he needed to be in the society of women as soon as possible - before the necessary conditions, in his opinion, were created. By the way, the word "women" can be replaced by the word "work".

The honor of being an outsider

For a while you will be an outsider in a new field of activity, but this can be an advantage. The outsider's position allows you to look at things in your own way. The novelist Joseph Conrad is an impressive example of a successful outsider. His native language was Polish, but many consider him to be one of the greatest stylists of the English language. What is his secret? Conrad wrote in an unfamiliar language, and little escaped his attention. Being an outsider, he noticed the nuances of the learned language, habitually not noticed by native speakers. Joseph managed to turn his seemingly flaw into his big victory. And he was rewarded.

Based on materials from Barbara Sher's book "What to dream about"