What needs do men and women seek to satisfy in love? What does every woman want from a man? What do men look for in women?
What does a woman want from a man? First of all, to be with him, to be paired. To please your man, to be always desired, irreplaceable, loved by him. And at the same time, be sure to love yourself. This is the need for attachment, for belonging (neurotic), and for the “right” woman it comes first. A woman is imprisoned for love, the state of emotional dependence for her is actually the norm. Of course, the degree of immersion can be different, but if a woman loves a man, then she always dissolves in him, tunes in and adjusts to him.
But at the same time, a woman wants to be with a man she can be proud of! With whom you are not ashamed to be - first of all, you are not ashamed in front of you. With such a man who is “cooler” than her at least in some way: stronger, smarter, richer, more talented... here - individually. But without respect and admiration, it is difficult for a woman to experience arousal. Variants of libidinal attraction to filial figures, for which, among the feelings, mainly pity and tenderness, there are also, but this is a complex topic and requires separate consideration.
In addition, a woman still wants to be protected. And protected in different ways: as an adult woman, as the (future) mother of his child, and as a little girl. An “adult woman” needs confirmation of her uniqueness, but she understands that it is pointless to demand this, but you need to try to always be attractive to your partner yourself. The “little girl” will wait for protection, care and unconditional acceptance from a man. And this is normal, because the inner child lives in every adult person and there is no getting away from it. The main thing is that the voice of the child does not drown out all the others...
However, no matter how much you want to protect yourself and impose the right of ownership on “her” man, a woman has no moral right to demand a guarantee of his presence. This is already her creative task: to interest, seduce and keep. The only incarnation of a woman where the notorious “a man should” takes on a very specific meaning is “the mother of his children.” Because here there is already a relationship not of two, but of three, four, or... as many as God will give to whom.
Perhaps, a woman's need to be in a relationship is more important than others. In love, a woman realizes herself, it’s true that love intended for a man is directed to a child... And it also happens when a woman’s need for recognition comes first, and then we get what is called a “heartless bitch”, when the main source energy is competition with other women. Then a man turns from a subject into an object, into an object of manipulation, a source of certain benefits. If the need for affection is excessive, and security is ignored, then a “slave of love” is obtained, and this should be written separately.
And what about the men, how are they?
Unlike a woman, a man values his autonomy much more. Why? A man forms his identity separately from a woman, he must become "someone" in the male world, and on this basis he acts, chooses and generally lives. In other words, the male realization is outside, in competition with other men. (For mom, he is the best!).
Therefore, a normal man will choose a woman who, first of all, will understand him and support his life position. The worst fear of a man is a close woman who laughs at him. Therefore, the main need for men in a relationship is still security, trust.
A man is very afraid of failure in a relationship. If a woman is unhappy with him and rejects him, then this is extremely painful. At this point, the need for security is linked to the need for recognition (narcissistic). If these two needs are not met, the man leaves the relationship, no matter how much he likes the woman.
Also, the need for recognition is no less important on the part of the male society, that is, it is important for a man (as well as a woman) to be proud of his soul mate. And get excited by her beauty, charm, sex appeal, which are also obvious to other men! But if narcissism is strongly expressed, then you yourself know how it looks: then a woman turns into a fetish, becomes an expensive, “status” thing.
It seems that the need for attachment (neurotic) in a man is somewhat weaker than the need for security and success. And this is the main difference between men and women. They are also afraid of loneliness, they want love, but at the same time, a man will not adapt to a woman. Only a highly dependent man can be kept in relationships that are destructive to his “I”, but this is also a separate issue.
But what is common for both sexes in love is attraction by difference! (potentials). Men are attracted to what is purely feminine, and women are attracted to what is purely masculine. What you yourself will never find, delights and attracts. Delight feeds excitement... Therefore, there must be a riddle, a mystery, an incomprehensible difference in the partner - and then interest will not fade away, and the spirit will be captured by the unexpectedness of manifestations.
Author: Tatyana Martynenko