Carter Lowe Creator, entrepreneur, and self-care advocate
Reading time: 10 min

What do women and girls want??

The authors conducted a whole scientific study to find out what is the secret of a great relationship and what the fair sex really wants. Instruction for men. What do women and girls want? In years past, clinical relationship writers only had the opportunity to observe unsuccessful couples, so their ideas of what a happy relationship should be based on pure fantasy. These experts had no idea how men in truly great marriages behave.

Authors of the novelty “Woman. Men's Guide" conducted a whole scientific study to find out what is the secret of harmonious relationships and what the fair sex really wants. We share important tips from the book.

Reliability

What primarily attracts women? Inflated press? Six-figure bank account? Do they need a tall, handsome man on a white horse? No, no and NO. The first of the qualities that women need is extremely simple: reliability. Yes, it's reliability.

Women are not looking for a handsome prince, but a man who can be trusted.

Reliability is not only that you, for example, do not gamble or, if we are talking about long-term relationships, have never cheated on it.

When it comes to courtship and marriage, the meaning of reliability is that you are exactly who you say you are, and your words match your deeds. Here, concepts such as trust, responsibility and the absence of attempts to seem not who you really are come to the fore.

Remember: a woman asks herself every minute: “Is he reliable? Will he support me? Can he be trusted?"

Emotional connection

Reliability is built through emotional connection. A woman needs a man who will be by her side when she needs him, who is ready to take an interest in her and take care of her. Women want to be respected, listened to and connected with them.

Give the woman your undivided attention. This means this: if she wants to talk to you, take your mind off the computer toy, put your mobile phone aside and demonstrate by your actions how important she is to you and what she tells you.

Try to feel what your partner feels, whether it is logical or not.

Understanding is your job, and understanding can be gained by asking questions. If your partner is complaining about her best friend, don't offer her a ready-made solution, don't laugh it off or take the problem as insignificant. Ask questions about how she feels and what it all means to her. You need to show true interest, try to understand why this is so important to her.

Men believe that there is no point in discussing negative emotions, because it is much better to find a solution to the problem and forget about it. But for women, emotions are an opportunity to make close contact. Try to remember this the next time your date wants to share her feelings.

Supreme Skills

Maybe you don't know how to fight with nunchucks, shoot a hunting bow or hack websites like a badass hacker. But no matter what you are good at, women will be captivated by skill if you can demonstrate it in what you are interested in.

In other words, if you collect stamps, become the most famous and status collector. If you are a garbage collector, become the most famous, knowledgeable and powerful garbage collector. Women are attracted to men who can become president and head of... themselves.

Women are attracted to confidence and high status. Become your best self.

Make no mistake - this is not about aplomb. There is a huge difference between aplomb and self-confidence. Confidence attracts a woman. Aplomb is repulsive. Confidence comes from a firm knowledge of one's abilities. Aplomb - out of insecurity in them.

Body Language

Lee Ann Renninger, T. Joel Wade, and Carl Grammer, PhDs from the University of Vienna, sought to determine which non-verbal cues make men more likely to will choose them.

The men women paid attention to were the "spatial maximizers." They demonstrated their dominance in the social environment by stretching their legs, throwing an arm over the back of a chair, or otherwise claiming ownership of the space they occupied. In addition, successful men were "significantly better at the art of the gaze." This means that they looked women in the eyes, often accompanied by smiles.

Remember to make eye contact with the woman, smile, stand straight (upright posture is a sign of confidence), and don't fidget.

Even more successful men performed fewer “closed-body movements”—think of yourself wrapping your arms around yourself like a schoolboy being scolded. If you are in a group of people, you will not be perceived as the dominant person. Therefore, never stand with your arms clasped around yourself and do not cross your legs at the knees.

We offer you the opposition "Clark Kent / Superman" to help you. Clark Kent showed nervousness: he stuttered, fussed, mumbled, and as a result, the girl did not like him. And as Superman, he carried himself confidently, took up a lot of space and fought the bad guys without hesitation. Women are looking for a Hero, not Zero without a wand. Take a cue from Superman.

Compliments

Humor columnist Dave Barry says the only proper response is when a woman asks you, "Does this dress make me look fat?" - fall to the floor and pretend to have a heart attack. All men hear such questions, but you can’t pretend to be sick year after year! The real answer to this question - the answer of the Hero - is: "You are beautiful, no matter what you wear." The only way. There is no other answer.

A woman's self-esteem depends very much on whether she approves of her own body.

As a man, you might think it's funny to make jokes about the donut she ate or the size of her thighs. So, nothing funny. And for every statement that detracts from her dignity, you will have to pay with hundreds of compliments. Nothing hurts a woman more than criticism of her appearance. A man is the dream of any woman never allows himself this.

Arguments

Studies have shown that women's anger usually stems from one of three main reasons: helplessness, injustice and irresponsibility of other people.

When you don't listen to your woman, she gets angry because she feels helpless. When you don't treat her as an equal or betray her trust, she feels unfair and gets angry accordingly. When you don't show up on time (others' irresponsibility), she gets mad at you.

If a conflict breaks out, a woman wants only one thing: to be listened to. Her task is to make her partner understand her better. How do men react to criticism? They take it as a personal attack. Their innate defense system turns on, their heart rate accelerates, and they are ready to repel an attack with the same vigor as their ancestors attacked a buffalo or a neighboring tribe.

There is no place for pressure, assault and onslaught when you want to resolve a conflict with the woman of your life.

Imagine you are trying to watch a sports channel at the end of your work day, and then a woman says: “You never listen to me.” If you were a cartoon character, your face would turn red at that moment, and steam would pour out of your eyes.

Heroes in such cases use three simple strategies that have been scientifically proven to be able to reduce the pulse. First, take a few deep breaths. Second, count to ten. If you still see that you have not lost the desire to verbally attack your woman, then there is a third strategy: take a time out. You need to say something like this: “You know what, right now I don’t have the strength to listen to you. I'll be back in half an hour and we'll continue."

Girlfriends

You can tune into your partner at least around the clock, and this is great for your relationship. But she still needs the company of her friends. Do you want the woman next to you to be as happy, fulfilled and satisfied as possible? To do this, she needs the social support of other women - from time to time.

If you have entered into a serious relationship with a woman, then know: now you are connected with all her friends.

Psychologist Len Syme of the University of California at Berkeley and his student Lisa Berkman decided to test which factors generally predict longevity. The world was amazed by the results of their study, which involved approximately nine thousand people. It turned out that it is not cholesterol, exercise or diet that influences death at an early age or long life, but the quality of close relationships.

Interestingly, for men, life or death depended on whether they were married, while for women it depended on friendship with other women.

So if you want to live longer, stay with your partner and try to make the relationship happy. If you want her to live a long life, support her desire to communicate with her friends.

Children

Every time your woman picks up, cuddles, rocks, looks into her eyes, gently touches and even inhales the scent of a child - your child! The level of oxytocin in her body rises. A special thread is stretched between a woman and her child - it is with its help that the survival of the species and the well-being of the offspring are ensured

If your feelings are hurt because the woman suddenly stops lying on the bed with you in an embrace, gently touch you or, like an obsessed, inhale the fragrance of your hair, all this is understandable and in fact it cannot be otherwise. And the only solution is to stretch your own thread between you and the baby.

The main thing a woman needs is true fellowship in the upbringing of children.

If you fail to recognize this side of her identity and her love, then a huge territory of her heart will remain hidden from you. One of the main ways to show love to your woman is to support her as a mother by loving her and protecting her children.

Dreams

Too often women sacrifice their dreams for the sake of family and relationships, or simply because in our society women's dreams are not given worthy value, especially if they are not related to the career of a wife or mother. But the dreams of any person are important. Your dreams are important. And her too.

If a woman has a partner who knows and respects her life aspirations, she feels understood, appreciated and deeply loved.

Studies show that the duration and success of a relationship depends on how much each is able to respect the goals of the other. If you do not respect her dreams and are not ready to do everything in your power to help realize them, then suddenly you will find yourself next to a defeated, downcast, depressed woman.

Any man strives to be close to someone who is happy and full of love for life. If you don't know what she dreams about, ask. And then move mountains if you need to, but help her achieve her aspirations.

Based on the materials of the book “Woman. A Guide for Men by John Gottman, Rachel Carlton Adams, Douglas Abrams, and Julie Schwartz-Gottman