Carter Lowe Creator, entrepreneur, and self-care advocate
Reading time: 16 min

Types of love in a relationship

An infinite number of works, films and articles are devoted to love and its definition. It turns out that there are several types of this feeling, which is characteristic of every person. You will be surprised when you learn about the features of each of them.

What is love

Before you know what kinds of love there are, let's define the explanation of the word. Each person discusses this topic in their own way. Someone, falling in love, experiences a feeling of euphoria or a feeling of butterflies in the stomach, wings behind the back. Others speak of a mysterious attraction. Still others believe that love is mental suffering.

Opinions of girls and guys

Having studied the opinions of guys and girls on Internet forums, I have identified the most frequent thoughts of guys about what love is for them. For many men, this feeling means:

  • mutual respect;
  • desire to have common children;
  • mutual understanding;
  • joint development.

There are those who consider love a game. Guys can perceive the feeling as the joy of conquest, victory over inaccessibility and freedom from attachment. For some men, love is associated with the convenience of existence. Having walked up, they get married despite the fact that the family does not correspond to their desires and interests.

Girls in love describe their feelings as trembling in the body, embarrassment, excitement. They have a faster heartbeat, there is a sexual attraction to the guy. He dreams at night, and she thinks about him every minute.

Mature women understand that love is primarily a spiritual concept, and only then a physiological one. The heart of a lady in love is completely occupied by a partner. All thoughts and actions belong to him.

Here is how great poets, writers and philosophers described love:

  • the energy of life;
  • the triumph of the imagination over the intellect;
  • a miracle of civilization;
  • violent attraction to that which flees from us;
  • the best cosmetic;
  • toothache in the heart;
  • the only meaning of life;
  • rebirth;
  • the last and most severe childhood illness;
  • the motto of human life;
  • desire to live.

Often I had to communicate with people who said "I never loved anyone." Similar situations come from childhood.

Each of us has a great need for a particle of love, kindness, understanding, tenderness. Agree, it's hard to live when you are ignored, criticized, not noticed. This also applies to parenting. The child is very worried if the father or mother shows indifference and aggression instead of warmth and care. Unloved children become callous. Anger and resentment are the main barriers to opening your heart and trusting another person.

Scientific explanation of love

Psychologists have their own opinion on the topic of what types of love are, where they come from. Experts believe that the first feeling appears due to the hormone phenylethylamine. Its production begins with a reaction to an object that we really like. Together with the hormone, dopamine and serotonin are released. As a result, sympathy, sexual attraction and emotional warmth increase.

No wonder they say: “You just glow with love!”. Palms sweat, cheeks redden. You begin to fantasize about the object of adoration. Imagine next to the person you are in love with.

Having made the decision to enter into a relationship, the hormone oxytocin begins to be released. He is responsible for affection and reminds of good moments associated with a partner or partner. That is why sometimes it is difficult for us to leave a relationship.

The hormonal system is rebuilt over time, and the body refuses to put an end to it, it continues to resist. The device of the body is synchronized with a specific person.

Yes, you have intuition, reason, consciousness, experience, and you are able to reason logically. However, the psyche often deceives you in amorous matters. Thus, physiology cannot outweigh our mind, but passion and affection treacherously cover our eyes and make us love a person, his image and his emotions.

From the point of view of psychology, love is a separate emotion, consisting of a thousand parts of interaction with the world. There is no place for illusions in this puzzle, no desire to remake another person. To truly love, wisdom and maturity are essential. Only a healthy and psychologically developed person is able to be sensitive, open and empathic.

When talking with a friend about this topic, she said that her love for her husband is moving to a new, higher level every day. For 13 years of marriage, their feelings have become mature and meaningful. Yes, there are no more those butterflies in the stomach and goosebumps on the hands after his touch, but the attraction has not disappeared, and respect and trust have only increased over the years.

I have the same story. Attitudes towards love and people in general have changed a lot with age. Sometimes I catch myself thinking that I can no longer fall in love with every second guy, as I did at the age of 16. I really want to feel that kind of ecstasy from butterflies in my stomach.

It is impossible to say “what is love” unambiguously. For everyone, she has her own. Much depends on the lifestyle, character, upbringing of a person, a specific period of life and age.

What are the stages of love

Depending on the stage, the following types of love are distinguished:

1. Falling in love. During this period, the hormones of happiness and trust are actively released. They cause euphoria, the need to be more often with the object of passion. When a loved one appears, a person experiences trembling and trembling. A man drugged by love is in high spirits, decisiveness and courage appear. This stage usually lasts up to 2 years.

2. Pair formation and satiety. Hormones subside a little. Lovers who have been in a couple for some time begin to notice the world around them. Each of the partners already sees the negative features of the satellite. Satiation comes imperceptibly and takes a short period, sometimes intersecting with the first stage.

3. Alienation and disappointment. One of the most difficult periods sooner or later appears in every relationship. For some couples - after a year, for others - after two or three. Periodically, love and satiety come to replace. Partners begin to show selfishness, irritability. There are clarifications of the relationship, domestic quarrels. It is at this stage that lovers often come to the conclusion that it is time to leave.

4. Work on relationships. Partners continue to love after taking off their rose-colored glasses. This stage is reached by people who understand that there are no ideal people. Any relationship is work. Patience and respect will help keep the union.

5. Closeness of souls. The final stage of love is the transition to a completely new level of mutual understanding and respect. During this period, you live true love and go through life's difficulties together, are strong allies and main like-minded people. The proximity of souls makes it possible to forget past grievances and helps to understand one's significance.

Not everyone can truly love. For the emergence of true love, serious work will be required, and only a strong couple can go through all the stages.

Ancient Greek classification of forms of love

The concepts of love were of interest to philosophers of the Ancient Age and had different interpretations. The Greeks used specific terms for each species:

1. Eros. Love is associated with passion, impulsiveness, desire and fertility. Eros is the god of love and sex. Philosophers believed that this kind of leads to a loss of control. A man in love is ready to worship a partner. He wants to have it. Over time, the idealization wears off and disappointment sets in. As a result, the search for a new object begins.

2. Philia. It's about friendship and camaraderie. The type of love was considered one of the most sublime. Philia is not only about friendships, but also love ones. Plato considered this pure form of love to be the truest.

3. Storge. It translates as "family love". The species includes love between parents and children, affection for pets, friendship.

4. Ludus. Love is based on getting pleasure. This is a consumer relationship where a person wants to receive, not give. The union is usually short-lived.

5. Agape. The view combines storge and eros. Selfless and sacrificial feelings are based on self-sacrifice in the name of love. People show devotion, reliability, tenderness, passion. They tend to give more than they take.

6. Pragma. The type of love consists of storge and ludus. In relations there is rationality, reason, calculation. Feelings are born from the desire to love a person for certain reasons. Despite selfish thoughts, partners can be quite happy. Pragma often develops into a different form over time.

7. Mania. Governs jealousy and violence. Associated with madness and obsession. It manifests itself in a low self-esteem of a partner who needs the attention and approval of others. The lover suffers from heartache. He is constantly tense.

The ancient Greeks had 7 basic forms of feeling. For us, “love” is one word, but in modern society it has several types.

The theory of American psychologists

American psychologists distinguish only three components:

  • passion;
  • proximity;
  • obligations.

When combined, these species generate 7 different types of love:

1. Friendly sympathy. Think of someone you can trust with your deepest secret. Surely, there is a friend who knows about your experiences, positive and negative events. This is love, which is friendship or sympathy.

2. Enthusiasm. It is caused by craving for a partner and sexual attraction. Such love is usually short-lived, especially if it is devoid of commitment and desired intimacy.

3. Empty love. Many marriages are based on it. This species implies a lack of physical attraction and the exchange of information for living together. We share this love with relatives and family.

4. Friendly love. After a certain time, relationships in marriage develop into friendships. In general, this is not bad, but it is important to be able to kindle a fire and return passion to everyday life. Older people often find a partner specifically for friendly love.

5. Fatal love. This kind is based on chemistry that consumes you whole. You met a girl and you can no longer live without her, imagining how you spend the rest of your life with her. Often this feeling fades when there is a closer acquaintance with the person.

6. Romantic love. It manifests itself in those same butterflies and cannot last forever. Passes into a deeper feeling only if there is intimacy and in the case of a long-term relationship.

7. Perfect love. It is born if there is passion, commitment, and intimacy. This is the case when everything is fine in bed with your girl, you understand each other and do not imagine a separate future.

Of course, everyone dreams of perfect love. It is quite possible to find it. The main thing is to be able to maintain relationships at the proper level.

What kind of love is today

There are other types of love in modern society. You may have heard of some of them already.

Love for food

Could you imagine that the love of food is the most sincere feeling? Everyone loves delicious food. Gourmets do get pleasure and aesthetic pleasure from the beautiful presentation and presentation of dishes.

Of course, I also experience happiness and joy at the sight of fried potatoes with lightly salted cucumbers. From the word “cheeseburger” a storm starts in the soul, and hands reach for a smartphone in order to arrange delivery as soon as possible.

Psychologists believe that with the help of food we fight longing and fill the problems of true love. Perhaps that is why we often lose our appetite when we fall in love. After all, our thoughts are occupied only with the object of adoration.

Many guys and girls show a rabid love for food when they try to eat stress and failure. Such behavior is not a substitute for loving a person. In addition, this often leads to gluttony. Passion for food can be fatal. Addiction can be compared to drug addiction. And it's not in the features of the body, but in our head.

The reasons that lead to a wild appetite can be very diverse. I noticed that most often unhealthy love for food is shown by single women and men who have experienced the loss of a loved one, dismissal from work, divorce or parting with a loved one.

To get rid of this feeling, it is necessary to enlist the support of a psychologist and a nutritionist. Remember: you need to eat to live, not live to eat.

Love is like a disease

Sick love is not uncommon. Scientists have proven that such a feeling can develop into a dangerous disease, which is accompanied by anxiety, insomnia, and digestive problems. A man in love behaves like a drug addict. Nothing brings him joy except the object of adoration. If he or she is not around, life has no meaning.

At night, obsessive thoughts, bursts of adrenaline and nervous excitement keep me up at night. Hormonal failure provokes jumps in blood pressure and heart palpitations. And this is very dangerous for a person who has previously had problems with the heart and blood vessels.

Love addiction is a global psychiatric problem. It has nothing to do with the true kind of love. You need to get rid of it. The support of relatives and friends, a competent specialist and the recognition of the person himself that he is sick will help in this.

Don't be scared. Despite all these symptoms, you need to love! This amazing feeling awakens the genes responsible for protein production. As a result, immunity is increased, capable of resisting infections.

Platonic love

Love has many faces: sexual, unrequited, higher, spiritual. There is such a thing as platonic love. This is one of the highest and wisest kinds of feeling. Today, guys are looking for pleasure in sex, their actions are based on animal instincts. And only a few are in search of a spiritually developed soul.

The very concept of "platonic love" has undergone a major transformation over the past century. Today it includes great love, and a physical beginning, and a spiritual connection. Feeling does not prohibit intimacy between people.

The classic version of this kind of love can be seen in the famous novel "Twilight". By the way, the writer Stephenie Meyer herself met her husband as a teenager. They got married when she turned 21. All these years they were united by platonic love.

Love for the motherland

Patriotism is based on the readiness to subordinate one's own interests to the people, state and culture. It's wonderful when a person feels that he belongs to a country and is proud of the culture, traditions, achievements of science. True, the attitude towards the motherland is too different among people.

I sometimes think about whether I could move permanently to another country if I would be much more comfortable there. I still can't find an answer to my question. Most likely, I would be drawn to my native homeland. Slavko Kolar would call me a savage who knows no other nations and no other life. I will not be offended. Let me be that happy Eskimo who lives on an ice floe, and all his countrymen are seals, sea birds and fish.

Love for God

A believer must first of all love God. But by what sensations can we understand whether we love the Lord? The feelings we have for a person are more specific. We want to communicate with him, we miss him when we don’t see him for a long time, we are pleased to take care of him and bring joy.

A loved one can be felt by touch, and our reactions, thoughts and emotions are connected with God. Therefore, for many people, love for the Lord is abstract.

The answer can be found in the Gospel, where it is said that a person who loves God keeps his commandments, remembers them and fulfills them. Love for the Almighty lives in deeds, in itself it is dead.

Brotherly love

Another interesting kind of love is between family members and best friends. Universal affection comes from gratitude and recognition.

Everyone should have equally brotherly love. It gives rise to a range of feelings that prompts you to take care of each other. Surely you have a brother or a friend whom you consider a brother. In case of danger, each of you is ready to help, support and help out.

Brotherly love is considered a long-liver. It is as strong as hard metal and only gets stronger with age. It doesn't have to be blood relatives.

Oh, this brotherly love

Burns in me,

Lives in me,

Burns me to the ground!

V. Tsoi


The following kind of love should be considered separately. Self-love and self-respect are often an attempt to prove one's worth to others. From a psychological point of view, this feeling is an adequate self-esteem, manifested in the ability to say “no”, defend positions, and understand one’s boundaries.

Do not confuse self-love with selfishness. In the second case, the person wants to make people respect him. If you truly love yourself, then you are already completely self-sufficient, you do not need the recognition of others.

Just imagine what goes through the mind of a person who doesn't love himself. These are complexes, disappointments, resentments, doubts. The world begins to seem stupid and meaningless to him. There are such problems as envy, closeness, self-flagellation and apathy. And this is a fast road to depression and a dead end.

Self-love helps to find harmony, learn to listen to your mind, accept yourself. This is the only way to build sincere and strong relationships with other people, which is very important in family life.

To develop self-love, respect others, be in awe of your body, filter your surroundings, and don't lie to yourself. Also use the following techniques:

1. Get rid of criticism. Don't worry about the opinions of others. Stop communicating with those who inspire you that you are a loser. Stop beating yourself up about everything. None of us can be perfect. When you suddenly want to criticize yourself, think about what benefit it will bring to you?

2. Look for pluses in yourself. Write on paper 20 reasons to love yourself. Remember your good sides and positive qualities. Why do people love you? Why is your friend friends with you? Refer to this list in moments of self-reproach and disappointment.

3. Act! There are always actions behind self-love. There must be discipline, goals, clear lines in your actions.

4. Develop. Be sociable, interesting and sporty. Try to travel more. Develop in different directions. People are drawn to interesting and active personalities.

Every day show yourself that you are worthy of love!