How to be happier regardless of the degree of employment and success? In positive psychology, there are several formulas for happiness and joy.
The main directions of positive time management
For several years of work as a time management coach, I only witnessed a couple of times that a person defined “happiness” as one of his life goals. "("preserve family happiness", "retire and live happily"). But when setting life goals in time management, the task is given to dream and write down absolutely everything that a person wants to achieve in life. Why are people afraid of this word? Why don't they make happiness the goal of their life?
The answer is obvious: happiness is a feeling, it is intangible and unstable, it comes and goes. Happiness cannot be touched, opened with a key, kissed, put in a garage. It can only be felt and remembered - or forgotten. Happiness is associated with a fleeting feeling that cannot be held back. That is why it is much easier and more practical, as it seems at first glance, to set the goal of obtaining an apartment, having children, reaching a certain stage in a career - and all this should become a source of happiness. It seems that having a coveted object or achieving something, we will regularly experience happiness. But it's not. You planned to build the most beautiful house in the area, and your neighbor outdid you. You wanted to become a boss, and when you did, you found that you felt much better as an ordinary programmer. You wanted a baby, but after a couple of months you realize that you are going crazy from the endless "Groundhog Day". You have become famous and famous, but the inability to hide from the eyes of other people does not allow you to be happy. You bought a new car, but after a week you got used to it. Behind every “object” that we attribute to happiness, behind every goal, there is a certain attitude towards it - emotions, feelings, moods. They are what make us happy or unhappy. Not the object itself, but emotions and feelings. Emotions and feelings are based on an assessment of an object or event. All evaluations and sensations are a product of the mind and body, they are caused by the release of hormones that enable us to physically experience what we call happiness. The feeling of happiness does not depend on material wealth. By working only on achieving goals (for example, saving money to buy things) and not paying attention to the emotions that arise when interacting with them, we doom ourselves to a 5:1 ratio: we pay five times more attention to negative news than to positive news.. This leads to the fact that under certain circumstances (fatigue, haste, stress), attention is completely focused on the negative. We feel miserable even if we have everything to be happy. It all depends on the common starting point - the definition of happiness. For example, for many of us, happiness is the most vivid and unforgettable moments of our personal lives: moments of first love, marriage, the birth of a child. Such an attitude is very narrow; it directly follows from it that the rest of the time we are doomed to a joyless life. But there are those who, by virtue of upbringing or personal experience, have learned to appreciate every moment of life and find positive even in difficult circumstances. Their attitude is broad, they do not reduce happiness to the brightest events, but are able to find it in any manifestation of life. What should we mere mortals do? After all, you don’t want to wait for an incurable disease or tragedy in order to finally begin to appreciate every joyful moment of life! First of all, we should understand what we attribute to our own happiness, expand this concept, find the right starting point. A simple formula will help us with this.
In positive psychology, there are several formulas for happiness. One of the most understandable states that it consists of three components:
deep satisfaction with life + maximum positive emotions + minimum negative emotions = happiness
This formula is based on the division of happiness into long-term (the future we are working on today) and current (what we enjoy at the moment). Deep satisfaction is associated with long-term happiness, and positive emotions are associated with happiness in the present moment. Of course, they are interconnected, but often contradict each other. For example, you need to study in order to get a good job in the future, but now you want to watch a movie or go for a walk, not to learn new knowledge at all. A person feels deep satisfaction when he is generally satisfied with his life (all aspects that he considers important). If a person experiences deep satisfaction from life, most of the time he is happy. Otherwise, he constantly feels negative emotions and he has to stimulate himself with various potent means in order to experience pleasant sensations (alcohol, drugs, betrayal, workaholism). We can experience satisfaction from a high salary, a leadership position, the birth of a child. Deep satisfaction is a reflection of the successful fulfillment of the most important needs in various areas of life, including the fulfillment of a calling. And it is possible that at different stages of life, different needs will be the most important. So, the first thing positive time management can help you with is getting deep satisfaction from life, that is, a happy state in general. Deep satisfaction is associated with the achievement of long-term goals and development. How to achieve this will be discussed in the second section. Deep satisfaction in life is not the only component of happiness. Take, for example, a person who is generally satisfied with everything.
Ivan P. heads the PR agency. The job brings a good income and corresponds to his abilities. He has a wife and two children. In the morning he turns on the TV to find out the news. They show wars, disasters, murders. At work, Ivan is waiting for tasks that, in his opinion, should have been completed yesterday. During the day he dine alone - it's faster. After dinner, he struggles with sleep and then is dissatisfied with himself, because he had little time. In the evening, children annoy him, because they are too noisy and do not allow him to rest. In a conversation with his wife, he realizes that he has everything to be happy: his favorite job, family, time for a hobby. He feels a deep satisfaction from life, but something is missing for daily happiness. In a conversation with a specialist in positive psychology, he understands what exactly he lacks for happiness. Despite the fact that he has everything to experience deep satisfaction from life, Ivan does not feel it: firstly, because he is not aware, and secondly, because he receives few positive emotions - his brain is occupied with negative ones. And as a result, Ivan does not have enough strength to finish work in the office on time at work, and at home to play with the children. What to do in this case?
You can learn to pay attention to good events, to experience positive emotions more often - this is a matter of habit. You will need tools to help you focus correctly. So, the second thing that positive time management can give is learning simple skills that will allow you to fill your life with positive emotions and reduce negative ones - to a ratio that ensures maximum efficiency.
The next two sections of the book are devoted to these two areas of positive time management. We will consider:
1. How to get deep satisfaction from life.
2. How to feel happiness and joy every day.
The path to happiness you can start from any section. If you think that what you are lacking in life in the first place is deep satisfaction, the basis of which lies in the realization of happiness, then read the second section first. If the happiness of the current day, the ability to manage your emotions is more relevant for you, then start with the third.
Positive time management allows a person to become more efficient by managing not only time, but above all, their emotions. In the long term, the task of positive time management is to achieve deep satisfaction from life, that is, a happy state in general. In the short term, creating a simple system that allows you to fill your every day with positive emotions and reduce negative ones to a minimum. Both in the first and in the second case, this is achieved by the fact that a person not only finds an opportunity to spend his time on what makes him happy, but also deeply aware of everything that happens.