Carter Lowe Creator, entrepreneur, and self-care advocate
Reading time: 18 min

Office romance at work: relationship with a colleague or boss

How does it happen... Slow onset of sympathy after evaluating each other's professional qualities or "spark, storm, madness"? We all fall in love differently and each story is unique.

An office romance at work has its own specifics, a feeling of tension, passion, tension from what someone can find out, especially if you have an affair with your boss. Well, it is worth understanding what are the pros and cons. How to start this relationship, what tactics to choose in order to charm a woman in a boring office environment, how to hide your connection if necessary, and what to do next when the relationship has stopped at the moment that it is not clear whether to end it or make an offer.

Pros and cons of a novel at work

Of course, you can make fun and write that the plus is the novel, and the minus is that he is at work. But it is probably worth doing a more complete analysis. First of all, it must be said that in any case, you need to focus on specific people, on your relationship, or rather, their stage. On how acceptable it is for you and a woman in principle, and what you want to take out of this relationship (entertainment or family). Based on this, let's first analyze the pluses:

Love inspires. This is not only a slogan for the energy industry, but also a world-famous fact. And when you are inspired, you have so much energy that you can literally move mountains. Is not it? You become incredibly productive and one can only envy how much better you can do your job now, in a state of love. Keep this in mind and do not forget to spend your energy not only on your beloved woman, but also on achieving professional growth and promotion in the service - this is still oh, how you will need it;


Love blinds. Not forever, but for a while, and this time can be very important, and you will lose it. It is also bad that you can be deceived in your expectations. After all, what we bring to people, those character traits that we show at work, are the best that we have (most often). In fact, a person can be unbearable and it will be impossible to live with him. This also needs to be taken into account.

Do not forget that gossip can be very, very unpleasant for both you and your passion. Keep this in mind if you are going to show feelings in public.

If you just want intimacy, but you don't have time to meet, then a relationship at work is not the best option, and it also carries a lot of risks.

How to start a novel?

First, it is better to draw up a kind of code of laws for yourself, no matter how strong it may sound. But still, you should have some rules so as not to start a relationship in vain or not to do some stupid things. With adjustments for your specific situation, try to do this:

  • To begin with, think carefully about how risky relationships in the workplace can be for your career;
  • You can even see if the company has rules for the behavior of employees who are in a relationship and if it is acceptable at all; - if you are already in a relationship, or if it has just begun, then discuss with a colleague / boss that both of you will do if you fail to maintain a new relationship, etc. You can even ask directly whether you are in danger of being fired. After all, you must be aware of what you are doing or are just going to do. You are responsible for mistakes.

Try not to do this:

  • knowledge, she is generally considered weak, it is better not to start a relationship with her, unless it is a hidden romance. Why do you need gossip from eyewitnesses, whispers behind your back?
  • In no case should you be a maniac and chase a girl when you think that she looked at you with desire or winked. Maybe a person has such a character, but you have already decided to stick; - You should not hide the relationship directly from the boss. But if it happens that he will call you on the carpet, tell me honestly that yes, you have a relationship, but you won’t be idle at work and everything will be in order, that is, reassure the boss and most likely, he will be loyal to the fact that you have an office romance at work.
  • It is also very important that you understand - if you want only an office romance, nothing more, let the girl understand it. Otherwise, she can get seriously carried away, and you will leave her, and then punishment will overtake you. And there is nothing worse than an angry and insulted woman.

Start simple: write, call, come by for a break, make contact. Based on the impression made, it will already be possible to think what to do next. Consider the stage of courtship in more detail.

How to look after a woman when you are at work?

If you have decided that you have really strong feelings, then you can start dating. In general, an office romance at work is a story of flirting, lightness, spontaneity and, one might say, a kind of recharging of one’s internal batteries. This is a good motivation for the result and gives strength to get out of bed in the morning.

Courtship can be different, be guided by what is peculiar to you at such stages. Alternatively, you can choose some standard variant of the behavior of a man in love, but with an eye on the situation, which is not very conducive to this. That is, you don’t have to burst into work and passionately kiss in front of everyone, tear off your clothes and fill up on the table. Try to start like this:

1. Write. It’s simple, convenient, imperceptible, and in general, the word is such a powerful force that you can reach a marriage proposal in correspondence. Seriously! Look at the power of the word and keep in mind that relationships can go very far. If you are not very good at the art of conducting a conversation, then at least act tactfully and do not be afraid to be embarrassed, fascinated by a woman, show it in correspondence. In any case, you can cause a blush on her cheeks, and then you will go along the thumb;

2. Use your eyes. Our eyes are known to be the mirror of the soul. If you look at each other, this may not only be a manifestation of aggression like long eye contact in animals, this is a kind of flirting. Hold your gaze, then suddenly look away, a little embarrassed. Or choose a way when you show your inner strength with your eyes and look intently. You can smile and look at every opportunity. You can follow with your eyes. Choose the option that is more characteristic of your nature;

3. Calls. Here you need to be careful. In a working environment, this is not particularly possible, but you can flirt on the phone while resolving work issues. To do this, you need to say her name more often, because our name for us is the most pleasant word in the world, as was said in one study. In any case, it's inviting.

4. Offer help. It is both masculine and also pleasant for every girl. If you work in an office, help move, move, rearrange something somewhere. If you work where there are shifts, where you can work for someone, then you can take her watch for yourself, help out, help out if she needs to leave. Try to always be somewhere near.

5. Try to sit at her table at dinner. Start simply: “Are you busy? / Can I join you? / Do you mind if we have lunch together?

6. Be simple, positive. Smile more often and be a little embarrassed. For some reason women love it. At the first stages. Then they begin to be attracted by strength, but at the same time by vulnerability and compliance towards them.

7. If you are already interested or you have overfed the girl with attention, take a week off and disappear completely. Then come and order a flower delivery for work. Her. Anonymously. Or with a postcard, according to which only she will understand that it is you.

8. By the way, never ignore her birthday. Women do not forgive this. If you didn’t congratulate, then she will most likely remember it for a long time and then, on occasion, she can reproach.

Be persistent. Even more insistent.

Relations with the boss. Worth it or not?

Unequal relations are not good. This is true in all cases. But what if it flared up and away? What to do and how to be?

Why this is good and why it is bad is probably obvious. Good because what's wrong when you love? This is a great feeling that helps us feel the fullness of being. And as mentioned above, work more productively, but.

It may be bad because if you are having fun in the office, the work is worth it. Who will do it for you? The organization will suffer losses. Is it worth it? Remember to both take this into account if you are in a relationship. In addition, the proximity of the object of dreams excites your imagination, and you can mess up a lot and do it wrong, forget it, thinking about the upcoming romantic date.

Worth it or not, you decide. But still, it’s worth figuring out why it suddenly drew you to the forbidden. The fact is that behind the scenes relationships of this type are not particularly encouraged, because this is a risk. For you, the risk of dismissal, and for the boss - the risk that her business will go to hell. Because a woman after a breakup is sometimes unproductive, since a heart wound heals for a very long time.

It will be better if you talk and discuss everything frankly before throwing yourself into the pool with your head. And discuss your promotion too. At the same time.

Are you passionate and cannot live without thrills? Then an affair with the boss is for you! Break the boundaries, but at the risk, remember - you will also pay.

Romance with a colleague. How to be?

You work together, she is at her best, and so are you. She is pretty, and even smart - how she copes! Well, isn't it a fairy tale? The girl of a dream! Maybe that's what attracted you. Well, that's great.

At work, people willy-nilly spend a lot of time together. It can also be like living together, only without boring life, that is, you always see a girl beautiful, in good clothes, and not pajamas and unkempt hair. This both excites and at the same time deceives, because in fact a person does not always look like this and behave like that. After all, you understand that you are not the same as at work.

You can dress immaculately only for work, you can be a cool pro, and at home walk in stretched sweatpants, grumble at disgusting household members, drink beer and play games, not paying attention to anyone and nothing else.

Such illusions can be costly if you want, for example, to leave your wife and choose a colleague, thinking that she will always be so beautiful and sexy in front of you. She, too, can be deceived, just like you. And you will find yourself together, disappointed in each other in a couple of weeks.

Therefore, count on the fact that the novel will eventually go beyond the office. And if you are ready to continue, then why not start. Try getting closer, learn more about her personally. About how she lives, what she likes to do, where to go. If you want to eat tasty, then ask if she likes to cook. But in general, it’s better not to look for a housewife, because you are an adult and must take care of yourself.

Look for an interesting person with whom you will not be bored. An office romance at work is a chance not to waste time on all sorts of dating sites, trying to find a mate. Very often, such novels end in marriage.

How to hide an affair with a colleague / affair with a boss?

Keep in mind that before having an affair at work at all, first think about how you will hide it. For example, consider what would happen if your boss fired you after a failed love affair. Or a nice colleague will stop being so nice after you break up and look into each other's eyes with hatred every day.

In general, there is such a thing as a conflict of interest, and you and your boss, for example, must observe subordination. Especially if you work in a hospital. The same works with a colleague. But now everyone is so modern and many do not care about duties, when love burns in the heart or, most often, animal passion, when the head turns off and thoughts are occupied only with where and how to quickly.

Also, your relationship with colleagues may deteriorate, who will observe your affair with your boss and will justifiably be furious that you are promoted at work, but they are not. They will think that you have achieved a promotion "through the bed." Of course, your intentions and feelings can be as pure as a baby's tear. Maybe. But still, you can’t explain it to everyone personally, and whether it’s necessary. Do you need it?

If you are a fairly self-confident and self-sufficient person, then you may not be hurt by the rumors that hover around your person. Office romance at work requires courage and determination. Yes, and you need to understand well that if your work is dear to you, then it is better not to start an affair, as you may lose your job.

As for an affair with a colleague, to hide it or not - decide for yourself. You can keep it a secret, It's one thing if all the employees of the office or other organization in which you work watched the birth and development of your relationship and you can see how much you burn for each other, this is understandable purely humanly and understandable to everyone, the same a story where everyone sees how a relationship with a boss is born.

If it is noticeable that everything happens from selfish motives, then you and the woman will most likely be treated negatively. As a result, it can be unpleasant for you and her to come to work.

If you have an office romance at work, try not to flirt in front of colleagues, they may take it wrong, they may be unpleasant. Behave both professionally. You can chat, you can exchange glances, but of course, kissing in public and pinching different parts of the body is not ethical.

Separately, it is worth noting that if you are the famous Casanova, then you should be even more circumspect. Women are not as simple as they may seem to you (even from the height of your stunning experience) and they will definitely understand in the end that you are turning the heads of several ladies at the same time. Therefore, it is worth considering such a moment and having lovers in different places.

Large companies are usually advised not to start relationships with the boss or with subordinates. This rule does not apply to colleagues. But you can come to the conclusion that it is better to do work at work, and love at home. And show all the feelings outside the workplace.

What if your office romance ended?

In general, the advice here will not differ much from the advice for an ordinary break, but there are important points regarding contacts at work, because if you are not fired or did not quit yourself, then they are inevitable. What to do in this case?

1. Keep your distance. Try not to interact with the girl unnecessarily. That way you won't pick at your wound or hers. If you are forced to communicate on duty, leave immediately after work, do not linger, especially to discuss something not related to work issues.

2. Try to be friendly and polite in any case. You don't have to pretend that she is your enemy. Once, or maybe even a couple of days ago, you loved this person very much. So why show her your "fi"?

3. Go headlong into work. This is an effective method and quite curative. Just don’t get too carried away so that you don’t “burn out” at work. Under no circumstances should you go overboard. Understand, and it is better to allocate a certain amount of time for work and rest. Let everything be in harmony.

4. Psychotherapy. If you feel very bad, so much so that you are not able to properly concentrate on your duties, if you drown your grief in alcohol, if you don’t understand how to live on, or if you have even worse thoughts, then it’s probably worth going through therapy. Do not be shy, this is normal, although not particularly common in our country.

5. The stupidest thing you can do is to provoke a former lover to jealousy. This is not only stupid, but also low. Such behavior is unacceptable for a decent man. If you decide to start a new relationship immediately after the old ones, then at least don’t do it at work, in front of the girl with whom you shared the bed a week ago;

6. Don't do bad things, don't be mean. Even if your office romance at work ended with her leaving you, don't ruin her career. This is your personal relationship and it is unacceptable to transfer your resentment beyond this;

7. If she threatens you with “reprisal”, for example, to publish your explicit photos (usually, of course, jealous men like to throw such threats, which is also low), then you need to be sharper here. But it's best not to buy into blackmail. With such a person, you need to cut off communication completely.

8. Don't share details of your relationship with colleagues. Your office romance at work is your business.

Remember your friends. It doesn't matter if they are colleagues or just friends. Spend your free time on them instead of in the evening with games and pizza in loneliness and suffering. Although, if games and pizza help you not to suffer, then it's better to spend time like that. In general, do everything so as not to procrastinate this topic and not wind yourself up, thinking about how it could be, and what would happen if you didn’t... etc.

9. Have a hobby that will help you recover faster after a breakup.

10. Is it worth it to start an office romance at work, it's up to you. When you know all the risks, pros and cons of this relationship, then it will probably be easier for you to decide. In any case, the event is quite risky and there are no guarantees that it will end well. Most likely, disputes about work will also be added to your life. Not that it was a plus.

In order, in principle, to maintain and develop relations as two adult responsible people, you need to be these people. But now there are practically no such people, there are more and more infantile individuals who think how it would be more profitable to get a job in order to do less, and at the same time receive more (both money and attention). For this reason, novels at work most often begin - the desire to combine everything, "on the spot".

If you do not treat a person and yourself seriously and with respect, then no romance, and even more so office romance, will not change your life for the better. Remember that love is work. And when you have another job besides this job, then one of the two may suffer and you will have to choose which one.