Long distance relationships: how to keep love at a distance

Long-distance relationships are usually explained by long-term business trips of one of the partners, but today more and more people start romance through the Internet around the world. Therefore, today we will talk about love at a distance.

Statistical data

There are not so many statistical data on this topic. Specialists began to study the relationship of people from different countries and cities relatively recently. However, I did find something:

  • 40% of such unions end in parting forever;
  • on average, it takes 12-14 months for partners to decide to live together;
  • 10% of American marriages began with relationships in different countries and cities;
  • about 14 million couples believe they are in a long-distance relationship;
  • The average length of a novel is 2.9 years.

By the way, such a union even has its own abbreviation. You can’t immediately say that “LDR” is the relationship of people who live far from each other. Everything is simple. Translate the phrase Long Distance Relationship.

Rebekah Dummer, Unsplash

When Relationships Are Doomed to Fail

Long distance relationship problems are individual in each case. But there are difficulties that almost always become a reason for breaking the union. Your relationship is doomed to failure if:

  1. You don't give her enough attention. She needs support and care, like everyone else. If in reality you can kiss your beloved during sleep, hug in bed or ask about something at breakfast, then at a distance it is much more difficult to pay attention. Kilometers deprive us of the usual pleasures. There is a gap between people. Everyone begins to live their own lives, there is a cold.
  2. You find it difficult to fight sexual attraction to girls. An unstable intimate life causes irritation and thoughts of betrayal.
  3. Friends and acquaintances put pressure on you. They talk about their happy marriage or romance, are constantly next to their soulmate, relax and have fun together. You are deprived of such joyful moments and ready to fall into depression. Friends do not understand why you need a relationship at a distance, and are advised to take a closer look at the surrounding girls.

According to statistics, more than half of such relationships end in separation, but you always have a chance for reunion and a strong union. The test either brings together or separates forever.

Rebekah Dummer, Unsplash

Does it make sense?

Long-distance relationships are a rather controversial issue. Some couples meet in different cities and believe that this even brings them closer. Others talk about sad experiences. They didn't pass the test of loyalty. You can spend hours studying the stories of real people, but when faced with a similar situation, you get lost and start to think: “Does it make sense?”.

  1. If your girlfriend has to leave for a long time or even move to another city, do not rush to part with her. Separation can be good for you. For example:
  2. While she is not around, you can devote time to personal growth and development. Maybe you have long wanted to take an English course? It's time to do something useful.
  3. Distance will make it clear what your relationship is based on. Access to the body will be restricted.
  4. The long-awaited meeting will become more desirable and hotter. You will look forward to the date, worry and prepare for it. It is always a pleasant wave of sensations.

Separation will be a good test. If you pass it, you can seriously think about marriage with a girl.

Only you can give yourself a clear answer to the question: “Does it make sense?”. First of all, it all depends on your feelings, and then on the circumstances.

If you want my opinion, long distance relationships are a real juicer. They are comparable to a breeding ground for illusions about a partner. Hours of conversations, endless chats cannot replace being next to your girlfriend. You will feel like a hungry person who is offered only fragrant steam from the dish instead of delicious food. A partner can have an affair at arm's length at any time, and your fears about this will become gasoline in a fire.

If it is known in advance that none of you will decide to move to a partner, then things are bad. Such a relationship will be an endless preparation for happiness. Before you fall head over heels in love, discuss the prospects of moving on the shore. Enter a romantic line after discussing the issue. Let reality successfully storm the house of your illusions. Perhaps it makes sense to finish at the start?

Kate M, Unsplash

True story

My friend met a handsome man in Turkey. A brutal surgeon from Ufa won her heart from the first minute. They spent the entire vacation together, riding a boat and visiting restaurants.

It was clear to everyone that no one was ready for such global changes as moving to another city. She was kept by elderly parents, interesting work. His is a successful career as a doctor in the best clinic in Ufa. But they knew for sure that they would be together no matter what.

At first everything was simple. They called each other every 2 hours, discussing discounts on tickets, the names of stations, distances from one track to another in hours and kilometers.

How romantic were these short meetings in reality! Over time, she began to understand that 1-2 days together is insanely short. I really wanted to walk together in the park every day, go to the supermarket for milk, watch TV shows in the evening under a warm blanket.

At some point, she got tired of constant waiting, she began to get annoyed with social networking, Whatsapp emoticons and Skype conversations. Not a single gadget conveyed even a hundredth of what she really wanted to say.

As a result, together with her lover, they discussed all the problems, talked about the situation and decided to see only positive aspects in their relationship. For more than a year, they have been striving for the same dream and supported each other. Once I asked her: “Are you not afraid to trust a person at a distance? What if he disappears, gives? Are you wasting your precious time?" In response, she heard: “I trust him 200% and that’s the only reason I started a relationship with him. Even a missed call will not let you doubt his loyalty.”

Despite the distance, they were able to overcome all difficulties, and soon he will move to our city. I am also looking forward to his arrival, and I will be happy to observe this harmonious union.

If earlier a holiday romance was considered doomed, today there is nothing surprising in the fact that a person lives in a device and loves someone on the other side of the world. You can be close, being thousands of kilometers apart, and infinitely far away, sitting on the same sofa.

Rebekah Dummer, Unsplash

How to keep a long distance relationship

you have to be as smart as possible. You can keep your feelings alive if you follow a few simple rules:

  1. Remind her of your love. Say “I love you”, “I miss you”, “I kiss you”, “I love you” more often.
  2. Try doing things together. You can watch TV shows and cook breakfast at the same time. This will evoke positive emotions and create the feeling that you are there.
  3. Show in real time what you are doing and where you are. Use modern technology to always be in touch with her.
  4. Send her letters and postcards. A handwritten letter will be a real surprise for her. It will surpass the electronic one, because it is always pleasant to read the lines written in the handwriting of a loved one.
  5. Send her gifts. You can do something with your hands. Get creative.
  6. Play together online. This is a fun pastime that will bring you closer.
  7. Control jealousy. An eating feeling can destroy your relationship.
  8. Give her advice and help. Show her that you are a reliable guy and you can solve her problems even at a distance.
  9. Introduce her to friends and family. To do this, use Skype or Zoom.
  10. Talk about a future together. This will make your connection stronger.
  11. Don't forget important dates. Remember when is the birthday of her and her parents, sister, brother. Congratulations on March 8, Christmas and other holidays.

Don't forget the trump card in the form of romantic messages. Any girl is pleased to receive an SMS before going to bed with the text:

  • We have one star, one sky, so we are together, even if you are not around...
  • Everything is boring without you, what do I even boring to breathe.
  • Meeting you is something worth living for.
  • I'd love to see you next to me and kiss you tenderly!
  • I want to be with you just "now", "tomorrow" and "always".
  • I love, miss my princess madly!
Kate M, Unsplash

) Constant control. Stop calling and texting her. Forget about manipulation, criticism and dissatisfaction. Do not overdo it with questions: “Where have you been? Why so long? What did you do there?". It is unlikely that a girl will want to constantly listen to complaints and answer your questions.

  • Check your correspondence. In it, 90% are your messages, and the rest is her text. Maybe there are too many of you in a relationship?
  • Search for compromising evidence. I do not recommend exploring the Internet in search of photos and stories where she appeared. Stop looking for compromising evidence on your girlfriend.
  • Inability to listen. If you get motion sick three minutes after her monologue, at least try to pretend to be listening. But if you are bored talking to her, then it is not clear why you need this relationship at all.
  • If you don't like the girl, let her go. Don't use her to fill your free time or play on her feelings. This is not fair to the young lady. Let her live her life if you don't love her.

    How to resist temptation?

    Distance exists to be bored, not to change. But what if you are involuntarily drawn to beautiful girls, and your beloved is very far away? Cheating is the strongest temptation that can get in the way of your relationship. A vicious passion can flare up suddenly and literally blow the roof off.

    Let's imagine that you are leaving on a business trip for a month with a young colleague who does not mind brightening up the trip with romantic adventures. At home, your girlfriend or wife is waiting for you. If suddenly you have a desire, act like this:

    • calm down and take a sober look at the situation;
    • cool down, wash your face, breathe deeply for a few minutes;
    • do not scold yourself and do not blame for bad thoughts;
    • think about your girlfriend, your best moments together (like New Year's Eve, wedding day, first kiss);
    • think of children if you have them (are you willing to sacrifice your family for a fleeting lust?).

    Always be aware of the long-term consequences. Don't think you can let yourself slip even once. If you succumb to temptation, then in the future it will be more difficult for you to resist the temptation. A clear conscience will give you a pleasant feeling, like clean clothes or underwear. Of course, any man likes to conquer women, but you can get the greatest pleasure from conquering yourself.

    Pipe Gil, Unsplash

    Just like in reality

    You can't touch her, and this fact is very upsetting. The desire for tactile sensations will never go away. Fortunately, modern technology can compensate for the lack of proximity. Get to know the unique devices!

    A fitness bracelet will help you feel the presence of your girlfriend. Innovative devices have the function of sending signals. Her bracelet will vibrate and show a heart if you press the corresponding button in the application. Such an unexpected “hello” will become a manifestation of love for her and will cheer her up. In addition, there are paired lamps for winking in the evenings, synchronized rings that transmit touches.

    In sex shops, you can find a special set with male and female devices. They connect using a phone or computer. If you turn on the synchronous mode, the toys will begin to repeat the movements and change speed together. So you can adjust the strength of vibration, rhythm and speed of rotation for your partner.

    It is clear that it is impossible to have a sexual life remotely, but you must support it in every way. Don't be afraid to be honest with your friend. Don't be afraid to talk dirty to her. Try to experiment and get useful experience!

    Pipe Gil, Unsplash

    General rules of separation

    Your commandment should be the phrase "do not close."The most terrible weapon for long-distance relationships is ignoring. It is very difficult to get over it. A girl can forgive open rudeness, but not ignore. Being in another city, do not try to be silent, pout and be offended at least for a while. You will leave her with dark thoughts alone.

    If you want to be alone, just let her know. Warn the girl, but do not disappear in silence. If you are offended, try to understand what went wrong. It is important to get rid of negative thoughts. Let the habit of starting a conversation first become an integral part of your relationship. The next situation will definitely be easier.

    The key to long-distance relationships is the opportunity to meet occasionally. Choose the days on which you can see each other. Plan your trips in advance.

    Another important rule is to keep a positive attitude. Being far away, it is easy to become discouraged. But you need positive energy to sustain your feelings. So don't be discouraged!

    Painful expectation causes a feeling of indescribable loneliness, but you must remember that separation will end with a meeting. You and your girlfriend will be rewarded. Say thank you to fate that you have a person who is waiting and loves you. Appreciate every moment of communication with her. Thank her for photos, messages, congratulations. Wish her good mood more often and smile.

    Rebekah Dummer, Unsplash

    The opinion of girls and boys

    Guys and girls see distance relationships differently. The fair sex is inclined to consider them normal. Women are more attached to a partner, and men have a realistic approach. Different views on distant love cause conflicts and misunderstandings.

    Girls dream of receiving positive emotions from communication, they experience every moment with pleasure. Guys, on the other hand, seek physical contact and are upset about the lack of sexual connection. The male brain does not perceive the fact that he owns a person who is many kilometers away. Guys do not get real pleasure from fantasies, many hours of talking on the phone. They want to be clearly aware of their possession.

    Men's doubt is perfectly understandable. If time passes, but the situation does not change, the guy begins to reflect. Neither age, nor character, nor experience play a role here. The stronger sex is not able to withstand relationships at a distance of more than a year. The gap in this case is inevitable.

    A man's interest will decrease every day. Relationships will become uncomfortable. As a result, the guy stops communicating and finds a suitable candidate. Thus, not everyone is ready for love at a distance.

    What psychologists say

    The opinion of psychologists about long-distance relationships is not much different from the opinions of ordinary guys and girls. Experts consider such an alliance scrupulous work on both sides. They recommend making every effort to keep the feelings.

    The biggest problem is frustration. It represents the anxiety that arises due to a small amount of information. You don't know where she is, what she's doing, what she's thinking. Even messaging does not help calm the raging fantasy.

    The guy is afraid that she will leave him, and from this fear increases a hundred times. He starts behaving inappropriately. Either he clings to his partner, then he suspects her, then he makes claims. It is these fantasies and anxieties that destroy relationships.

    Pipe Gil, Unsplash

    Psychologists are sure that only self-sufficient and self-confident partners can save the union. Therefore, it is important:

    • to properly direct your energy;
    • set a schedule for communicating with a girl;
    • share thoughts;
    • to form common goals.

    Once at a distance, partners begin to appreciate every minute together. Distant love builds a strong emotional connection. However, the relationship of two people is possible only if they soon become real. Therefore, the main recommendation of psychologists is the need to meet without delaying an important moment.

    Psychologists advise looking into yourself. Maybe you get stuck in online relationships because you are afraid of relationships in real life? You feel comfortable being far away, falling in love with a virtual girl. After all, the young ladies at your work have a lot of shortcomings. And here you do not notice the obvious, think out the missing. Love at a distance is much more romantic than real love.

    It would seem, why all these difficulties? Is it really impossible to find a beautiful girl in your city and sleep peacefully in an embrace at night, and not watch when your time zones converge for a meeting on Skype? You say: “We have love! We are two halves that are separated by kilometers. All this is not important. We will be together soon".

    Just be prepared to face some unexpected nuances and challenges. I really do not want your love to end in the collapse of illusions.

    I remember my 14 years old, when mobile phones with the Internet first appeared. How cool it was to get acquainted in web chats. I corresponded with the guys, talked on the phone about everything in the world. But as soon as we saw each other in life, everything collapsed like a house of cards. That cute image was gone. Butterflies in my stomach folded their wings sadly.

    What should be the long-awaited meeting?

    In conclusion, I will tell you how to meet your beloved after a long separation:

    1. Immerse yourself in pleasant chores. Maybe it's time to make repairs in the room or general cleaning?
    2. Don't forget about yourself. Go to the hairdresser, take time for your nails.
    3. Make sure to meet the girl at the train station or airport. Immediately after the meeting, you can invite her to have a bite to eat in a cafe.
    4. Ask her how she wants to spend the day. Maybe she dreams of walking around the city and seeing the sights.

    Don't be afraid of primary aloofness. You have lost the habit of each other or even see each other for the first time. In any case, your meeting will be the beginning of a new life, which until now was only in dreams.