When we enter into a relationship with someone, we become a couple and become weak. What is the secret of good, strong and happy relationships? We are losing our true selves…
When we enter into a relationship with someone, we become a couple. In most cases, we become two little weak people who spend their whole lives trying to see themselves with the help of another person.
We often lose ourselves in the dark abyss of such pronouns as they, them, we and us. It's amazing how much we deny ourselves and become someone else just because we are a couple. Some will exclaim: "How cute!" I'll say: "How disgusting!" It is this type of thinking that destroys many lives. We lose our true essence in order to become what they want us to be.
Many couples become attached to each other like Siamese twins joined at the head. It feels like once we enter into a relationship, we can no longer think for ourselves. Suddenly, we can no longer decide for ourselves what to wear, or determine what suits us and what does not. We no longer know what kind of music we like, what kind of food we prefer, where we like to go for a walk, what we like to do and whether we can do it without the permission of our “second” or “better” half.
What is happening to us? We sacrifice our individuality. We enter into relationships in order to find ourselves, but only lose ourselves completely. We are no longer ourselves, but become "us".
Then something happens to "us". Anything. And now we don't know who "we" are. Should this be surprising? You sold yourself as soon as you became "us".
What is the solution? Keep your individuality. Stay who you are. Develop yourself as a person. The better you are, the better your partner will be, and the better both of you will be. Give each other space. Allow each other to have differences in tastes, interests, circle of friends and understanding of personal space.
The more space you leave for each other, the better your relationship will be. Dr. Wayne DyerOne day I was flying from Las Vegas with a very elderly couple sitting next to me. She was sitting near the window, he was in the center, and I was on the side. I was jotting down some thoughts for a book on my computer, and I just typed out a good divorce is better than a bad marriage. He read my entry, leaned over and whispered: “You are absolutely right!” He then introduced himself and his spouse as G. R. and Ethyl Griffin, and said they've been married for 62 years. Isn't it amazing? They had just spent a week in Las Vegas playing casinos, attending various shows and dining at good restaurants. It was really interesting to talk to them. Finally, I made up my mind and asked about their secret of such a long-term marriage. She said, "Just allow the other to be who they are and come to terms with it." This is probably the best advice anyone can give to married people. She said that even after 62 years, they still don't like much about each other, but they love each other enough to put up with all this. All the books on successful marriage put together said less about him than Ethyl did in one sentence.
We all have an idea of what the other person should be like. Most likely, our expectations will not come true. People are rarely what we want them to be. This fact, by the way, gave me a lot of unrest in my own married life. People are what they are. Dot. No more, no less. Stop whining and get over it.
Someone recently asked me what I love most about my wife, Rose Mary. Good question, right? How would you respond about your wife or husband? But for me it was a simple question.
What I love most about Rose Mary is that she loves me. Believe me, it is very difficult, many people are simply not able to love me. I'm unbearable. I am noisy. Judgmental. Intolerant. Demanding. stinging. Sarcastic. Impatient. Perfectionist. With quirks. (These are my positive character traits.)
But she loves me for who I am. No matter what. That is why I love her so much. Somehow she manages to see through my negative features to the positive ones. And what could be better?The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret. Henny Jungman