Carter Lowe Creator, entrepreneur, and self-care advocate
Reading time: 18 min

How to understand who I really am

So many people ask the question: "How to understand who I am?". This is a good question, and it is important for each person to understand where he is going, what he wants, what his abilities, priorities and interests are. The sooner you understand this, the better. This question is very correct and one of the most important in life. If you manage to answer it, then much will become clear. And if, in principle, you are asking such a question, then this is a good sign, and it indicates that you have a fairly high level of awareness.

But the bottom line is that you can't answer the question, "How do I figure out who I really am?" by referring to the internet and other people's articles. No Vasya Pupkin knows as much about you as you know about yourself. You can only answer this question for yourself. And here some sources will not help. The fact is that if someone advises you or answers you about who you are, then this is unlikely to help you, because this is not your personal opinion.

To correctly answer this question, there is a certain sequence of actions that you must carry out, otherwise nothing will work. And, most likely, you may need a partner who is also in search of himself. But this is optional. If you are looking, you will surely find.

Many people advise to consult a psychologist, and this is a good option, because this specialist helps to understand all the cockroaches that live in your head and when you realize how much you have advanced in knowing yourself, you can already correct what you like what you don't, and learn how to overcome the cons in yourself, and also understand how important it is not to stop.

Many more people call this situation a broken compass. That is, a person is confused, he does not know “how to understand who I am”, “what to do” and so on. This often happens, and there is nothing to worry about.

But if something in you is broken, it means that once it worked well. And since this thing is yours, only you can fix it too.

Try to walk slowly, and the first of these is the ability to feel and listen to yourself.

Why is this so important? The fact is, if one question “how to understand who I am” has settled in your head, then you will have to try like never before.

To understand your destiny, you need to deal with your past, and understand what you can do for the future, so as not to regret anything. In order to do this, you need to approach everything consciously, and find the good in yourself, and just get rid of all the bad.

Let's try to identify methods that will help you understand who you are and find yourself.

1. Don't compare yourself to your social role. That is, yes, you can be a wonderful guy, son, friend, brother, and possibly even a father, but if you perceive yourself only in this way, only in these roles, then this can greatly confuse you, and you will simply move away from yourself. Don't think that you will always be in each of these roles. And it's okay if they keep changing. It's not normal if you don't understand it. That is, you cannot always be one person in life and perceive yourself that way. Everything changes and you must change, understand how important this is.

2. Try to be real when talking to someone. The fact is that often people are mistaken when they think that they are very important to others, and they start talking about themselves incessantly. But what you really need to understand is that what you say, what you feel, and who you are can all be different things. You should understand well that during communication you should catch what the interlocutor wants, who you are, whether you can give him what he wants, and also pay attention to how you express your thoughts, what you feel at the same time.

Try not to get into the boundaries of your interlocutor and feel when you need to stop. If you manage to behave correctly in communication, then you can find out who you are through dialogue with other people. After all, we imagine ourselves to be what others think of us. And this happens much more often than we want it to. The opinion of other people is still very important, and it affects us. Therefore, you must carefully choose your social circle, it must be people who respect you, whom you trust and with whom you want to communicate every day.

3. Do not forget about self-development. If you are faced with the question “how to understand who I really am?”, But at the same time you do nothing but walk around with a preoccupied look, then nothing will come of it. Many people very often say that they cannot change and cannot improve themselves. It is also possible that you have heard that the rest justify themselves: “well, this is my character”, “this is the kind of person I am” and so on.

You probably do the same. But it's a trap, and it's best not to. You are not fully formed yet, at any moment you are able to become someone else and become better. What prevents you from moving forward, doing something in order to understand who you are, and not suffer and say that you are who you are? In fact, the road to oneself is called constant work and everyday problem solving. If you are able to take steps towards yourself every day, then you will be able to understand your destiny and become someone in this world much faster. Do not think that no one needs you, and even yourself, this is very stupid.

4. If you are angry, sad or angry, then you do not need to hide it. No, this does not mean that you should pour out your negativity on others. You just have to understand that you are not as white and fluffy as it might seem to others, and even to yourself. Every person has pros and cons, and that's okay. You can have a thousand problems and a thousand reasons to be angry or sad.


Allow yourself to do this, and do not be afraid of this anger. You just need to track it and work on those emotions. It makes life a little easier and richer. So you can experience your feelings and emotions more vividly. And you will also begin to succeed in sharing your plans with others and at the same time not trying to seem better.

5. Understand what you can and what you can't. The fact is that it is very important to figure out what you can and what you can’t. Why? This way you can understand yourself much better. And besides, learn something else. You can compare yourself with others and think about how you would act in their case. In this way, people learn to try on the opinions and lives of other people and get to know themselves better.

We are all incredibly different, and what is normal and familiar for one, is horror and a dark forest for another. If you want to be able to accept yourself and others, then you have to figure it out, but of course, first figure it out with you.

Before searching for an answer to the question “how to understand who I am”, you should, of course, determine your temperament.

We all come into this world with our own character, and our psyche is different from the psyche of other people. This greatly affects our behavior. And if the character can still be somehow changed, develop new habits, and so on, then nothing can be done with temperament, it is only important to know it, and understand how you can work with it, and what to do if you want to change yourself.

What are the types of temperament

1. Melancholic. This is a person who is the most reserved among all the others. It can be easily identified even from the name of the type. Melancholy is a kind of longing, sadness, vulnerability, sadness, and a person who is called a melancholic is considered very vulnerable, he never climbs on the rampage, quite anxious and modest. Perhaps among your friends there are such people, they are easy to recognize.

2. Choleric. This type is very easily recognizable. He looks like a hare from a Duracell ad. These people are constantly in a hurry somewhere, they have a lot of ideas, while their character can hardly be called simple, choleric people easily go into conflict and are absolutely impatient people.

3. Phlegmatic. Such people are usually so calm and peaceful that one is amazed. These are balanced people who are difficult to piss off, they look like boas.

4. Sanguine. There are very few such people now, and yet many live in big cities and are often dissatisfied with life, hatred and disappointment are read in their views. Sanguine people broadcast friendliness, fun, they are immemorial and it is really a pleasure to be friends with them.

You may already know your type, but keep in mind that it is rare to find a pure type, most often it is a mix of different traits and behaviors, which is why people are so different.

It is also worth mentioning that there are also introverts and extroverts. Chances are you've heard those words too. Introverts are called people who are just asking the questions “How to understand who I am” and what I want. An extrovert is usually not driven, and they are especially interested in what is hidden inside, they turn to the camera and are active.

You can find a huge number of different tests on the Internet to understand who you are, what your temperament is, how open and sociable you are, but most likely you know this yourself, so you just need to say that this will help you a little better to know who you are and how you move on, because without taking into account your character and temperament, it will be very difficult for you.

It is also a good option to go to a psychotherapist, and as mentioned above, this is really a working option, because people do not want to understand themselves, and many simply cannot do this on their own. Going to a psychologist will help you get to know yourself better, and determine which vector to choose and what to do to become a more conscious person.

Why is it important to understand what values ​​you have in life and what you are ready to fight for?

Because what matters to you defines you. That is why you should try to figure out your values, with what is important to you. It is better to take a piece of paper and write down exactly those things that you consider decisive in your life. To begin with, simply, without thinking about anything, highlight something that you cannot live without, which is of great importance to you. When you're done, choose 10 things from this list.

And then, in turn, compare which of these is more important to you. For example, choose a family and a job, and determine what is more important to you. Or choose relaxation and entertainment and determine which of these means more to you. At the same time, do not be afraid that someone will see and read your list. This is introspection, so it is only important here to determine what is most important for you in life. Even if there will be a wife and children and you choose one person, you don’t need to reproach yourself for it. After all, it is important for you now to deal with yourself, and not to show that you value someone more. During this, you may feel guilty about those points that you ignored for the sake of others. But the more honest you are, the easier it will be for you to understand yourself.

When you are done, you will have to identify the three most important values ​​in life that you cannot live without. And then you will understand what are your priorities. After this test, it will become clearer to you what you need to focus on and life will become easier, because with the help of this test you will recognize yourself. Most likely, after the test, you will also understand that some values ​​​​for you were just words.

Why is it important to be able to motivate yourself.

You will not be able to answer the question: "How to understand who I am?" until you do what your heart tells you to do. And the heart rarely tells you to go with the flow. If you have any bold dreams in your heart, then you will have to fulfill them in order to understand yourself better. Yes, most likely, it will be quite difficult and scary for you. But if you have not given up on your desires, then you can be inspired by the fact that you can not only dream, but also put it into practice, which is very valuable.

Perhaps you have some dreams, but for some reason they have not been fulfilled yet. Why? Perhaps you lack motivation. Think about whether this is exactly what you need. Try asking yourself these questions:

  • “Who am I and why am I not doing what I dream of?”
  • "What am I afraid of?"
  • "Who guides my desires, and why haven't I done what I dream about yet?"
  • “What will I gain if I do what I dream of and what will I lose if I don’t?”

Yes, it can be very scary when you have to do something to get what you want. After all, the actions are sometimes very serious and even difficult. It remains only to understand whether it is worth it or you are just dreaming, not trying to realize something in life.

In order to understand what kind of person you are, where you are moving, what you want, it is necessary to determine all the most cherished desires and goals. You must also clearly separate what others want to impose on you from what you want. You don't have to trust anyone but yourself.

Exclude other people's dreams.

Perhaps you have one, or even three dreams that were imposed on you by someone. Maybe you don't even realize it's not for you. Because you were motivated to do this as a child. But the fact is that when such dreams come true, you feel only disappointment. When your own dreams come true, you will feel satisfaction and even joy.

Understand where you are strong and where you are weak.

Here, too, it is better to take a sheet of paper and write down all your abilities, hobbies, desires, and so on. But that's not all. You must divide the sheet into 2 parts, and write on one side what makes you happy, and on the other what you do the most. That is, for example, you work a lot, it doesn’t please you, and you would like to do volunteer work, but you don’t have time for this. This is very important to understand, because it is possible that you simply do not do what you love, and because of this you suffer.

Looking into the past.

It often happens that you realize that what you are doing is making you unhappy. What's next, you don't know. And then you can remember about your childhood, about what you loved to do. Perhaps the answer to the question will remain your favorite games or circles that you went to, maybe your uncle taught you something that fascinated you. In any case, you should pay attention to what lights the fire in your eyes.

Find out if you really want what you want.

This means authentication. Why do it? Let's say you set a goal for yourself, but at the same time you realize that something is wrong.

Maybe you don't really want it and that's okay. It's not normal to pursue something that doesn't turn you on. Try to sort out this unnecessary goal point by point. Take a piece of paper and write. Let's say your dubious goal is the desire to become a photographer. Ask yourself why you want this. Also specify why the photographer. What do you like about this activity, and what annoys you. How did you find out about this profession, maybe someone advised you to do it. You must write it all down and carefully analyze

Exclusion of internal prohibitions.

What does this mean? The fact is that many people have a voice in their heads that forbids or reproaches something. This voice interferes greatly in life, because because of it we do not allow ourselves to do something, and usually this is what we want to do.

Perhaps you remember this voice, or perhaps it sounds in your head now. Remember the last phrase you heard in your head and analyze it. Let's say you want to take a vacation or sick leave and you feel bad, but a voice tells you: "You should not rest, your father worked all his life, and you should be the same, working hard." Work with this phrase. Now you are an adult, and it is unlikely that you will become a bum from the fact that you will be on sick leave for a week. You must understand that you are responsible for your actions, and if you decide to take a break, you have taken into account all the pros and cons, your sick leave will be paid, or you have some kind of savings that will not allow you to be left with nothing. This is the usual adult self-explanation that you don't have to be someone who listens to advice from your past.

Learn to rest.

It would seem that this advice will help you answer the question: “How to understand who I really am?” In fact, this is very important and if you don't like who you are at the moment, then maybe you just need to take a break. It must be understood that time to rest is not some kind of whim, it is what every person needs in order to function normally. Perhaps your question arose because you are just very tired and disappointed in your life, your work and yourself.

It is also very important to understand how to rest in a way that affects you well. Only active rest will help here, because if you just lie in bed, then thoughts of an existential crisis will not leave you. It will only get worse.

Learn to satisfy your needs.

If you need something, but you ignore it, then most likely you will have a lot of all sorts of sad thoughts coming into your head. It is very important to listen to yourself and meet the right needs.

If you need something, then you definitely have a deficit in something. Perhaps you are tired of work, or maybe you want a new relationship.

If you learn to satisfy needs, then after that you will have time to think about how to make your life better and more interesting.

Don't be afraid.

Fear is very harmful, because it does not allow us to decide where to go next. Too scared to move somewhere by touch. Still very often we do nothing, because we are afraid to miss opportunities, perhaps our internal perfectionism prevents us from acting, because somehow it doesn’t suit him, and it’s very rare when it works flawlessly. As a result, you rush from one corner to another, and it seems to you that you not only don’t know who you are, but are engaged in utter nonsense, and your life has absolutely no meaning. But it's okay, you are not the only one and millions of people in the world consider their life boring and do not understand what they want. Moreover, they cannot set goals for themselves and regret all the missed opportunities, although they could have done something.

Always, no matter what happens, no matter how difficult it is for you, and also when you realize that you are confused, try to stop and think about how true you are to yourself, what you really want, and what you are doing you happy. It is then that you will be able to set yourself up for positive, learn to listen to your heart and not be afraid to act.