How to understand what you want from life in fact: tips, ways and examples

We live in a society where it is considered good form to always strive for something. Be sure to want something. Achieved one goal - immediately set another, a continuous process of improving yourself, because you - the way you are - will never be good enough. How to understand what I want?

Improve your life, buy more and more things, improve yourself in a profession, join a gym, buy a summer house for your parents, take your wife on vacation, move, move, move, continuous movement until you stop for natural reasons - for example, until burnout occurs. Or a serious illness. Or something worse.

The world offers a huge number of incentives, goals, directions for development, but how do you understand what you want from life - you personally - if there is so much everything around that your head is spinning? And is it necessary at all - to want something intensely? Maybe, and so, without special desires, it is also quite normal, and it’s not so necessary to constantly run somewhere? Let's try to figure it out.

Why did you even have such a question

Look, well, in general, people are very, very individual, so it's hard to put them all under the same brush. Everyone has their own life circumstances, do you agree with me? But as a rule, the question “how to understand what you want from life” arises, pardon the pun, not from a good life.

Usually this indicates either - in the worst case - some kind of personality crisis, and you are lucky if this is a normal crisis, a crisis of growth (for example, schoolchildren and students always ask this question at the time of graduation, simply because that life circumstances themselves raise such questions for them), either about burnout, or in general about the feeling that you are confused in life and do not understand where you should go next.

That is, figuratively speaking, you lost your inner map, your inner compass broke, or maybe it was not initially set up properly. This usually happens in the following cases and situations:

Situation one: suppression of initiative.

This often happens in families where parents have a strict nature, or they have planned the child’s life point by point in advance, or they have some other reasons (for example, the combination of “low emotional intelligence, due to which instead of “sorry, kid, I’m sorry, but now we don’t have money for this section” says “you don’t need it, math is better than a buffoon” and poor financial condition)... One way or another, parents suppress the initiative of the child.

Most often it starts in childhood: don't climb trees, you're a girl, you'll tear your dress! Stop crying, it doesn't hurt you at all that you spread snot, that you are like a woman! What other ballet, what are you, girl? Go boxing. What kind of boxing, do you want your last brains to be knocked off there? Go learn math. Why four and not five? Why five without a plus?! And so on and so forth.

Such behavior manifests itself in different ways, but its essence is always the same: the systematic suppression of the initiative of a growing person just at the time when he learns to rebuild his boundaries, learns to understand what he likes and dislikes.

Regrettably, often parents severely suppress the initiative of a teenager (“Who are you friends with? These are bandits, leave them immediately, do not communicate with them”, “What other tattoo, are you crazy?!”, “No hike, sit at home and do your homework, you prepare for the exam, and he thinks about hiking”), when self-expression and self-discovery becomes especially significant.

It is not surprising that when such children grow up, the question “how to understand what you want from life” arises: they were systematically cut off the very ability to reflect their desires throughout their childhood, since this was never necessary. Such children know what their parents, their relatives, in a particularly neglected case, even their wives or husbands want, but they do not understand what they themselves want, because their desires have long been replaced by the desires of others.

The second situation: an excess of opportunities.

This situation is not so neglected (the first one usually has to be worked out with a psychologist, because usually, if a person has reached the point that he does not even understand what he wants, this is not his only problem - there is no self-esteem either. everything is fine, and with the ability to build interpersonal relationships), but also quite complex.

The bottom line is that a person in such a situation has several hobbies at once, several areas of activity that he likes plus or minus equally, and in which he, plus or minus, can realize himself well.

And all these areas of activity are kept approximately on the same level: that is, a person draws well, but he is also an extrovert, knows how to organize people around him, loves and knows how to communicate, and plus, he also has good mathematical ability and have an interest in architecture. And where, you ask, should he go?

Such people often jump from one university to another, from one job to another, often radically changing the types and directions of activity, often they are very addicted, they just started - and already immediately quit, because they are rapidly losing interest.

Is it possible to live your whole life at this pace? Yes, why not, you can, if it is comfortable for a person and for his relatives. Problems begin if a person changes activities, and everything seems to work out for him everywhere, but he does not feel at home anywhere, does not feel that he has found his true place and vocation.

By the way, sometimes this does not indicate that something is really wrong with a person’s lifestyle, but only about the FOMO effect - the effect of a missed opportunity, when you seem to have chosen one, but you see how much you miss out on the options around because of this, and you become uncomfortable with the thought that, perhaps, by choosing something, you missed out on something much better.

Situation three: burnout.

This is when a person exhausted himself. This usually happens after constant processing, when a person does not give himself time to rest, to take a breath, calm down, reflect on his feelings, unload his nervous system and mind. Here are the symptoms that you can tell if you have burnout:

  • Chronic fatigue, even if you slept well or even went to the country for the weekend and did not think about work at all;
  • Reduced concentration. Previously, you performed work tasks on the fly, in a couple of hours, and now what used to take two hours takes a whole day, you are constantly distracted or just look at the screen, not thinking about anything in particular, but you can’t tune in to work either.
  • You are constantly overworking. Staying late at work, taking work home from the office, being in touch even on your day off - all this has become the norm, even during family horror you can’t relax and with one thought you think about your grandmother’s wonderful pies, which you haven’t seen for a week, and the second thought you make a report for the authorities.
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  • You are irritable, constantly grumbling and always dissatisfied with everything, nothing pleases you, even if objectively everything around is good and calm - you still don’t like anything and it seems that it simply cannot be worse.
  • You have become prone to procrastination. You constantly put off things for later, even those that you were sincerely interested in before. They are no longer interested, and even financial rewards no longer motivate - you just don’t understand why you need all this, and even if you do, it’s only with your brains, not your heart.
  • Has ceased to please a successful result. Previously, you felt sincere pride in yourself, you enjoyed the very process of work, and now it has become a nasty routine that you just need to do, you don’t feel any emotions about it.
  • Eating problems: you forget to eat, eat mostly unhealthy but tasty food to at least please yourself with something. or you don't really notice what you put in your mouth at all. If you used to have bad habits (smoking, alcohol), now you have begun to abuse them more intensively.
  • Deterioration of health: you sleep worse, all chronic diseases got out, your back and neck began to hurt more often, problems appeared in bed, pressure began to rise frequently. This is due to all of the above reasons at the same time: a combination of chronic employment, junk food, lack of sleep and unloading leads to a physical deterioration.
  • You ignore all of the above, continue to lead an unhealthy lifestyle and overwork, thinking that this is normal, this is just such a period and everyone lives like that.

Such a depressing state is an excellent prerequisite for depression and the destruction of the inner compass. If everything that made you happy before ceased to please you due to chronic stress, your brain will naturally stop labeling it as something good and filling your life with meaning, even if it used to be so, and you will ask yourself the question “how to understand what you want out of life."

Of course, these are not all cases when such a question arises. There are many particulars, because, as already mentioned, a person is very individual. But these cases are the most common. And below you will read what can be done with all this.

How to understand what you want from life: tips

1. Tip one: have a good rest.

Making decisions and reflecting on your own feelings is best done with a clear mind, don't you think?

When we sleep little and work a lot, this has a very negative effect on the nervous system, and we begin to perceive even the smallest negative stimuli badly, and even that in a normal, normal, sleepy state did not affect us, can cause sincere tears, fierce anger or the most impossible fatigue. This is due to banal physiology: nerves wear out without rest, like strings, and we react more painfully.

Therefore, before you start reflecting on your states and desires, first get a good night's sleep. Turn off all phones, tell at work that you want to take extra time off, arrange with your family not to disturb you once again, and fall into bed for ten hours, or until the body itself wants to wake up.

And then have a hearty breakfast and sit down to watch your favorite series. Or go for a walk, or hang out with loved ones - do something that gives you joy, that helps you recuperate. After such a recovery session, it will be much easier for you to think, and life will no longer seem so hard and disgusting.

2. Tip two: start reflecting on your desires.

Before answering such deep and global questions as “what do I want from life”, you first need to learn to understand what you want from this particular day. What do you want for breakfast? What would you like to wear? If you are tired - how do you want to rest, what helps you recover?

For most, these questions seem simple and obvious, but it also often happens that something blocks our desires. Some kind of setting that someone - unfortunately, most often someone close - once put into your head. In psychology, this is called automatic thoughts.

For example, there could be such an internal dialogue:

- What do you want for breakfast?

— Yes, somehow I don’t want anything, I’m not hungry, — your body answers you.

- In the sense of "I don't want anything"? Breakfast is a must, it is the most important meal of the day! Do you understand that you won't be able to eat until dinner time? He doesn't want to! Mom got up, cooked, tried, but he didn’t want to! Sit down quickly and eat until you eat everything - you won’t leave the table!

And this is already an automatic thought that prevents you from realizing your desire. Often this internal dialogue happens so quickly, and this automatic thought seems so reasonable and natural (after all, we are used to thinking this way from childhood), that it becomes very difficult to reflect on this process.

Another example:

- What do you want to wear?

- This blouse and these jeans.

- Pfft, me too - she chose! You don't have much talent for dressing up at all. Choose something more modest, otherwise you will be like a parrot.

And now the girl in our example is not even sure that she can choose a set of clothes for the day. How can she be sure that she will understand her desires from life?

So, here is the task before you: try to listen to your desires and keep track of what thoughts you have about this.

If these thoughts and attitudes interfere with you, write them down, you can directly through the dash: “I don’t want to eat a hearty breakfast - I think that I need to eat hearty and satisfying, because then there will be no opportunity”, “I wanted to take a walk and relax - I think that a walk is a waste of time, you need to relax in a company, otherwise what kind of vacation is it, ”“ I wanted to wear a blue shirt - I doubted my choice, because I don’t know how to choose things, and only teenagers dress brightly.

The next step is to reflect on where you got this attitude from. Who told you that first? How do you know that this statement that prevents you from realizing your desire is true? Most often, it turns out that either a significant adult (a parent, teacher, childhood friend who was perceived as an authority) stands behind the statement, or a vivid negative experience (conditionally: put on a blue shirt, and you were ridiculed at school that day).

The last and most important step is to challenge these automatic thoughts, logically prove to yourself that they are no longer relevant to you or do not correspond to reality.

For example: “Yes, my mother told me that I don’t know how to choose things, but whose opinion is important - my mother’s or mine? These are my clothes, and I can wear what I want, and it doesn't matter who thinks what, even if it's my mother. Mom's opinion is only her opinion, I myself like the way I look in this, and my friends often ask me for advice on how to dress them. And in general, my mother is not here, and even if she were here, she will have to come to terms with the fact that I am already an adult, and she can decide how I look.

In this way, you will replace the negative automatic settings with others that bring you joy, satisfaction, self-confidence and help you realize your desires.

And then, when you learn to track and fulfill your momentary desires, you will be able to track more global desires, connected with the choice of activities for life, with where and with whom you feel good, and where and with whom - Badly.

3. Tip #3: Dance out of need.

Another way to learn to reflect on your desires. Desire is always a veiled need for something, a lack of something. For example, the desire to relax means a lack of rest, the desire to meet new people means a lack of some important element in communicating with those who you already have, for example, accepting your interests.

The basic human needs according to Maslow's pyramid are as follows:

  • Physiological needs: food, sleep, physical closeness, a roof over your head, understanding that you have somewhere to go, there is a place to sleep, you are provided with everything from the point of view of physiology.
  • The need for security: the understanding that you will have all this tomorrow too, and you generally do not need to worry about the future, in a global sense, everything is in order, they will not be evicted under the bridge.
  • The need for society, social circle, close people and acceptance of your personality. This includes the need for a family, partner or partner, friends or at least acquaintances; the need to know that you belong to a certain social group.
  • The need for respect, recognition of your merits, recognition of you as a valuable person.

Next comes the so-called “high” needs: the need to learn new things, to see beautiful things and to fulfill oneself.

Therefore, one of the answers to the question “how to understand what you want from life” is to analyze how all these needs are covered in you, is there something that does not satisfy you. For example, here is how the unfulfillment of all these needs in the aspect of work, vocation can manifest itself:

  • Work does not bring sufficient income (physiological needs), you live on bread and water;
  • The work is unstable, today it is - not tomorrow, the salary is given out every other time and not in full, the authorities have seven Fridays a week (the need for security);
  • At work, a bad team, relations did not work out, you are being etched out of it;
  • At work, they do not praise, do not recognize your merits, perhaps they reward you financially, but at some stage this becomes insufficient;
  • Uncomfortable office, difficult to get to, it exhausts you every day and spoils your mood (aesthetic needs), you do the same job endlessly, without learning anything new and not developing as a specialist (cognitive and need for self-realization).

Such analysis helps to avoid rash actions. For example, the need for respect is a specific thing: most often we do not need respect “in general”, in general, but respect for a specific person, for example, your leader whom you admire. In this case, it is reasonable not to change jobs, but to come and honestly ask for feedback.

If things are really bad with self-reflection, it is useful to give each of the above needs a rating, for example, from one to ten. Then subtract from ten (this is “ideally, the need is fully satisfied”) the resulting score (as it is now) and write as many reasons why the need is not fully satisfied as it turned out as a result.

4. Tip Four: Prioritize

Here's what you need to do:

Step one: write down everything you need in life is meaningful and important.

It can be anything, not necessarily even things that are traditionally considered significant (like “family”, “welfare”, “life of loved ones”) - anything can be meaningful to you personally, for example, riding a motorcycle or favorite food. These are your personal priorities, and no one has the right to condemn you for this. There can be as many priorities as you like, but for starters, try limiting yourself to ten things that are important to you, this will be enough.

Step two: draw a 10x10 grid with your priorities in the first column.

Next, you need to compare these priorities with each other in pairs. For example, your priorities are: family, socializing with friends, riding a motorcycle, interest in work, traveling, popularity with girls, delicious food (well, you like to eat), and so on, up to ten.

You compare each priority with all the others: if I had the choice of “giving up family or friends, which would I choose?”, “losing family or being able to ride a motorcycle? Lose a family or an interesting job?

If the priority (in our example, family) "wins" and you choose to keep it, then put a point in the box. And so nine times, until you compare with all other priorities.

This is quite a shocking exercise: for example, you can learn something unpleasant about yourself, say that an interesting job is more important to you than family or friends. This is fine. This doesn't mean that you don't love your family or your friends at all, they are still on your priority list. It's just that something else is more meaningful to you at the moment. No one has the right to blame you for this, this is your life and your priorities.

Step Three: Add up the scores for each priority.

The top three priorities will be the most significant for you, and it is in this area that your answer to the question "how to understand what you want from life" lies.

5. Tip five: ask yourself a couple of unpleasant questions.

If you do not understand your desires and priorities in life, then you cannot follow them purely physically. Is it logical? Logically. In this case, it turns out that you are following something else, some other people's priorities and desires. Whose? And what exactly? And how does it make you feel?

It may be painful to think about, but it is the emotions you feel while answering these questions that can, like adrenaline, spur you on to understanding what you really need.

6. Tip six: the selection method.

In the evening, write down a list of what you like to do, what is important to you, what activities make you feel joy and satisfaction. It can be anything, even if the first thought that comes to your mind is “watch The Walking Dead and eat chicken wings.” Write down as many activities that make you happy as you can, and then go to sleep.

In the morning, re-read the list and cross out what you can refuse in principle, what pleases you, but not much. Repeat several times until one or three classes remain that have passed all the tests - apparently, this lesson will be the most important for you.

What to do if the Walking Dead won after all? There are two options.

First: think about what this occupation gives you, why do you prefer it (a conditional consumer occupation that does not require any effort and does not bring money) to everything else? And how can this be realized with the help of something more creative and financially useful, because you still need to earn a living somehow?

Second: think about how to provide yourself with this "consumer" occupation without compromising the standard of living (for example, if it is most important for you to have enough rest and live for your own pleasure, you can switch to a less highly paid, but less stressful work that requires less time).

7. Council seventh: on the contrary.

All the same as in the previous paragraph, but now with activities that you absolutely do not like. So you will understand exactly where you should not move, and there you have nothing to catch.

If you're tired of making lists, try to dream up: imagine the worst possible scenario for your life. A life in which you made all the wrong choices, work where you absolutely do not like, live with people who do not bring you joy, lost your hobbies and friends. Everything is terrible.

What kind of life is this, what signs does it have? This is what you will avoid. What do you have in real life that keeps it from being so terrible? This should be appreciated. And what would be the complete opposite of such a terrible life? You can strive for this.

8. Tip eight: 101 desires

When you don't understand what you want from life, you can go the easy way. Write a list of as many wishes as possible - after all, it doesn’t happen that you don’t want anything at all, you definitely want at least something, right? At least delicious food, buy a laptop, try a new dish, meet friends. And just follow this list point by point, even if the desires are the simplest and do not pull in any way.

After all, who ever said that life has to be devoted to something high? Why shouldn't it consist of small but sincere joys?

And if there are not even the simplest desires, this is already a reason to think. It's normal to be lost and not understand what you want from life - this is a global question to which the answer can not be found immediately. But not wanting anything at all is a sign of serious problems with the very ability to experience pleasure and a reason to turn to a specialist, a psychologist.

9. Tip nine: learn new things.

Perhaps you don't know what you want, because in principle you haven't met what really catches you yet. If all the activities that life has to offer you now cause boredom and lack of interest - try something radically new!

Go to a place you've never been before, try something you've never done before, even if you don't think it's your thing to do - what if you like it? Will it suddenly prompt you to some new thoughts and desires, will it open up new sides of your personality to you?

Traveling and meeting new people are especially good in this regard: traveling opens up a completely different life for you, different from your usual one, makes you look at many things differently, and a new acquaintance may well become an inspiring example.

10. Tip ten: communicate with people.

With those who arouse your admiration, who seem to you fulfilled in life, happy, who have found their calling. Ask them how they achieved this, how they understood what they want from life and what they need to do to get it. People will be pleased to talk about themselves, and you will gain new knowledge and, possibly, new acquaintances, new inspiration.

By the way, it is not necessary to communicate live. You may well read biographies (or better, autobiographies) of people who inspire and delight you, or watch their lectures, read their articles, if any.

11. Council eleventh: analyze what makes you angry.

Do you know the saying “The things that infuriate us most in people are the traits that are present in ourselves”? And often anger is dictated by envy, which is so deeply driven inside that it rationalizes and manifests itself through quite sincere anger, and even with arguments.

For example, you may be angry with people who talk a lot about what self-development courses they took and what career heights they reached, because you are subconsciously ashamed that you do not seem to develop.

Or conditional vegetarians are angry, because you subconsciously also feel sorry for the cows and it seems that they are right about something, and it’s a shame that you put your interests above the interests of the animal (if anything, this is absolutely normal, human life is really more important than the life of an animal, and putting your interests above the interests of a conditional cow is quite normal and acceptable).

So try to remember what causes you sincere anger, preferably irrational, so that you yourself do not understand why you are angry. And try to analyze: maybe there is something in what infuriates you that you agree with, but do not want to admit it?

Or, if these are not people, but, say, circumstances, then here, too, you can dance from this anger: what needs to be done to get out of these circumstances? Could this be your purpose and calling in life?

12. Tip twelfth: not noticing the time.

Life is a very long time. To dedicate your whole life to one occupation seems almost impossible, and, in fact, it is rarely possible for anyone to do this. Usually these are people who have a craving and inclination for something since childhood, for example, writers, artists, musicians.

But this does not mean that you cannot have such an occupation. Try to remember: what activity do you forget about time? It is better if it is an activity that is not related to social networks.

The fact is that in social networks you inadequately perceive reality: there, more and more doses of dopamine are constantly hammering into your brain, which is why you can spend a lot of time there without noticing it. Relatively speaking, in social networks you are like under the influence of alcohol.

Or put the question differently: what can you talk about endlessly, without shutting up, passionately and enthusiastically? Is there a topic you can read countless books on and still be interested in?

After all, calling often implies exactly this: to read books on this topic, to study new information, to devote whole days to this, and yes, most often about this, since it is important and significant for you, you want to tell others.

13. Council thirteenth: method of five "whys".

In general, this method is used in factories in Japan and is designed to identify the specific causes of breakdowns in production and prevent them in the future. But it can also be applied in psychology.

The essence is as follows: remember the state when you feel good, absolutely calm, relaxed, or the state when you are carried away, full of joy and energy and do not notice the passage of time.

And ask yourself: why do you feel this way at this moment, in this place, time and activity? And so - at least five times. For example, the chain can line up as follows:

- I like to draw.

- Why?

- It fascinates me, I like to see how until recently there was nothing on a piece of paper, but now it is, I created a character, breathed life into a little man, even if he does not exist, but for me he is there is.

- Why do you like this feeling?

- It seems to me very interesting: to invent a character, details of his appearance, biography, character.

- Why?

- This is a way of expressing love for people, because people seem very interesting to me, and I take the details in them that interest and attract me, and appropriate them to my characters. I also want my characters to be loved, so I try to make them as lively and interesting as possible.

- Why do you want to be loved?

- Because I love them myself and want everyone to see how cool they are.

- Because I'm not sure of myself and I need positive reinforcement from the outside to make sure that the characters are really cool, and I draw them talentedly.

So it turns out that in this example, a person likes to draw, because through this he expresses his love for people and his talents for inventing characters, but also it is very important for him to see confirmation of his talent from the outside.

Such an exercise helps to understand what exactly you like about what you do, because another artist, for example, may have completely different priorities: let's say he wants to achieve fame, fame, popularity, or vice versa - he does not particularly need it, drawing, he plunges into his own world and does not particularly want to show it to others.

If your favorite activity is consumerism, such as watching TV shows and idleness, then this exercise will help you understand what exactly you are relaxing from.

For example, you may enjoy being alone, but you are being torn to pieces both at work and at home. Or you are bored in your daily life, so you watch exciting TV shows to get the missing emotions there. Agree that the actions resulting from such an analysis in the first and second cases will be different.

14. Tip fourteen: look to the future.

Imagine that you have already lived your life. It is already coming to an end. How would you like to see your old age? What status are you in? Where do you live? Do you have family and friends? Did you work at your favorite job until the last day of your life, or maybe you retired at the first opportunity and devoted yourself to growing peonies?

Do you have children and grandchildren, would you like to have a close relationship with them, or maybe a hermit's old age in a quiet house in the forest will suit you? Or maybe you do not want to live to old age at all?

Old age is such a peculiar result of life. Therefore, imagine your old age happy, such that you would not be afraid to come to her if she is like this. And think: what kind of life do you need to live to come to such an old age? What to do? What areas of life to focus on? What kind of life did the Old You live if now he is at such a point of development that you like?

To put it simply, imagine telling the story of your life to your grandchildren or to a biographer or someone else. What life would you like to talk about? Perhaps it will be a life full of travel and experiences, or dedicated to a good cause, or helping others, or family - it all depends on you.

You can also look from the opposite point of view: imagine a terrible old age. The worst outcome of life you can imagine. What are you afraid of? Lonely old age? Or, on the contrary, a huge family, where everyone wants something from you, and everyone squabbles with each other? Poverty or wealth, which does not bring much satisfaction? Work until the last day of life, or vice versa, idleness, ignorance, what to do with yourself?

What scares you the most? You can start working on these aspects now so that you never come to them. For example, if dementia scares you, it is reasonable to engage in intellectual work from your youth, read a lot, learn foreign languages ​​in order to develop your brain and prevent dementia from the very beginning.

15. Tip fifteen: look into the past.

As a rule, in childhood we are most natural and impulsive. We have not yet learned to criticize our own desires and treat them rationally, and therefore dreams in childhood are large-scale and global, and most importantly, they are absolutely sincere. Therefore, remember what you dreamed about as a child, who you wanted to become, what did you like to play?

It is not at all necessary to run away and realize it right there - it is quite possible that you dreamed of becoming a soldier from Space and conquering the expanses of stars on a large spaceship. But you can think about how these dreams characterize you.

For example, you may have liked to learn something new since childhood, you have always been an introvert, you liked to read books. Or, perhaps, vice versa - since childhood, you have organized all sorts of "businesses" (with leaves from trees instead of money, yes) and "events". Or you liked to communicate, make new acquaintances, explore new spaces. And, quite likely, somewhere deep down you still remained the same as you were in childhood, life just patted you, made you change, forget about this side of yourself.

But it is quite possible to dig it up again: for example, try to repeat in an adult way what you loved to do as a child. Yes, at least watch documentaries about dinosaurs and Ancient Egypt. Even if this does not make you think about your calling, at least you will have a good time and remember your childhood hobbies.

16. Council sixteen: test for career guidance.

Of course, you should not take the results of such tests too seriously: tests are also made by people, as you understand, and they are full of errors. But the questions in the test can push you to the right thoughts, and the result will make you try it on yourself: is this really true? Do I really like this?

Outside of the format of the test, you can answer the questions below - they can also make you think and reflect.

  • If some magical power came and solved all your financial problems, what would you do in life if you did not have to earn more money?
  • What did you dream about as a child? Do you still want to do any of this?
  • Who inspires you? Why?
  • Imagine that you are dead. How would you like to be remembered by others? For what? How would you like them to talk about you?
  • What useful skills do you have? Which of these things that you know how to do, do you also love?
  • Do you have skills that you don't like doing but have to? (For example, you are diligent and can do monotonous work for a long time, but you yourself do not enjoy it)
  • What part of your work do you like? Why? Is it possible to make this your favorite part of your work more? For example, to talk about it with the authorities?
  • Count how many hours a day you spend doing what you really like, and how many - what you do not like at all.
  • Five things that you consider to be truly significant in your life?
  • Do you have skills that you don't use? Desires that you ignore?
  • What do people around you not know about you that you would like them to know? And what do they not know, and thank God?
  • When you start something new, somehow change your life - what are you most afraid of?
  • What traits of your character usually prevent you from getting what you want?
  • What motivates you the most to develop, move, achieve something? For example, it can be money (but money is not a value in itself, value is what you spend this money on, or what it symbolizes for you, what feelings it brings with it), a desire to move to another country, or city, the desire for an easier, calmer and more comfortable life.
  • Are you a risk taker? What are you willing to take the risk for?
  • Are there people in your life who drag you down, constantly criticize, always unhappy with any decision you make? Is it possible to remove them from your life, convince them, or just reduce communication with them?


Now you know more about how to figure out what you want out of life. And finally, it is important to say one thing: you can want absolutely anything from life. Your goals don't have to be altruistic, positive through and through, or ambitious.

You may want to dedicate your life to watching TV shows and video games, and work in so far as to provide yourself with opportunities for your favorite hobbies - and this is absolutely normal. You don't owe anything to anyone, it's your life, and you have the right to live it the way you want.