How to like you in 90 seconds

The ability to make a great first impression is very useful in life. The first opinion is often decisive and most likely will never change. How to leave a good first impression? How to like in 90 seconds?

You only have 90 seconds, so make sure your first impression is perfect. Having achieved this, the opinion of you, most likely, will never change. Fortunately, all people behave in a fairly similar way - if you are enthusiastic and interested in them, they are more likely to be enthusiastic and interested in you. But that's not all! Go to the first point to learn how to get the most out of this minute and a half.

1. Use conversation

1.1 Show that you are genuinely interested and enthusiastic. Basically, people love those who love them. If you can show genuine interest in the person you're talking to, and be enthusiastic about what they're saying, and about meeting them in general, you'll hit the mark. You can then start saying all sorts of stupid things - they won't even notice.

How to do it? Smiling, eye contact and focus on them. Ask questions. Get involved. There are no complicated scientific theories here, all this is common sense (we will get to the illogical points soon). If you approach with a positive attitude, good intentions, you will succeed.

1.2 Ask questions. How else will you keep up the conversation? When you engage in a conversation with someone, remember to ask questions about them. Most of the time, people like to talk about themselves, so it's pretty easy for them to like you if you listen well and show interest in what they have to say. They themselves will not notice that they made up most of the conversation!

On the other hand, don't forget to bring in some interesting facts about yourself so that the conversation is two-way. You need to ask open-ended questions (that can't be answered with a simple yes or no), highlight things you have in common, and show your personality. Therefore, instead of "I was in London too!" you'd better say, "Have you been to London? Incredible! I was there last spring with my tour group. What did you see?"

1.3 Give compliments. The easiest and fastest way to gain someone's sympathy almost instantly is to praise them. We all know that sometimes even the smallest compliment can set the mood for the whole day. Just make sure it's sincere! Saying "Uh... I like the color of your teeth" won't get you a single fan.

Praise them for their clothes (“Such a beautiful dress! It suits you very well.”) or for their actions (“Hmm, you cleverly tied your shoelaces, I need to try that too!”). Works effectively because it's natural, it's hard not to like someone who says nice things about you.

This tactic should be combined with other techniques if you plan to be with this person for more than 90 seconds. Imagine that you have a friend who praises you every now and then. You wouldn't believe a single word he said! So if you're planning a long-term relationship, use this move as the icing on your personality cake.

1.4 Find out their names. When you meet someone for the first time, it is expected that in the first of 90 seconds you will know their names - and then you have another 89 seconds for the rest of your magic. Memorize them and use them. At the end of the meeting, say goodbye and do not forget to call people by name, this will make the farewell more personal: “It was very nice to spend this evening with you, Anna, I hope we will see you again soon.”

Dale Carnegie said that a person's name is the sweetest sound for him in all languages. So use it, then use and use it. It's like saying a spell - you will get a similar effect.

1.5 Exude positive vibes. When participating in a conversation, try to only talk about good or positive things. They are much more pleasant to hear than something negative. Tell us about a hobby or interest you enjoy doing. Try not to say anything mean, don't touch on things you don't like - you only have 90 seconds to make a first impression and you don't want the other person to think you have a pessimistic view of the world.

It's true, sadness and sympathy are strong binding tools, but you shouldn't use them in the first minute and a half of dating. Leave this gem of social tools until you get to know your interlocutors a little better. You need to become positive before you can contribute something negative.

To be sure to stay positive, avoid self-admiration and boasting. So when the person you're talking to says, "Yeah, I just got back from London," you don't have to say, "Really? Yes, I've just come from Paris "and" Madrid! It's not a competition. It is an honor for you to be in their presence, you do not need to make them feel the honor of communicating with you.

1.6 Speak their language. In How to Get People to Like You in 90 Seconds or Less, Nicholas Butman talks about "speaking the other person's language."He argues this statement by the fact that according to the type of perception, people are divided into visual, tactile and auditory modalities - by determining which type of perception is more important for a person, you can express yourself more clearly, more efficiently, and therefore more pleasant for the interlocutor.

It all sounds a bit abstract, right? The simplest example is to look at how the interlocutor says "I understand." If he says, "Yes, I see what you're talking about," he's most likely a visual. "Yes, yes, I hear you" - auditory. And if he uses his hands - most likely, kinesthetic.

1.7 Ask for a favor. Yes, you read everything correctly. This is known as the Benjamin Franklin effect - ask a person for a favor and they will love you more. Did you think it was the other way around? You are very, very wrong. All this is due to the cognitive dissonance that they get in their head. Who said it would be easy?

The idea here is that if they do something for you (and they will if you ask for something insignificant), their subconscious will tell them: "Hmm... I just did a favor for a person, which I hardly know... Why did I do this? And, well, of course, I probably like him!”. Sounds a bit sketchy until you realize that sometimes our behavior is determined by our thoughts - and this is just one of those moments.

1.8 Learn about what is happening in the world, how it works, and stand by your convictions. Nobody likes people who just take up space and are no more fun than a wet blanket. Take the time to explore the world you live in—if not for yourself, then at least for more valuable conversations. You will be able to make interesting comments that people will appreciate and thank you, which will make you more interesting and memorable.

And if your point of view is criticized, stand up for your beliefs. If you start to mutter uncertainly and are not strong, you risk losing respect. People like those who are confident in themselves and in their views. So don't back down out of embarrassment! If you like Miley Cyrus, say so. If you hate puppies, well, just explain why and move on. Honesty is always the best policy.

2. Use body language

2.1 Smile. Smiling makes you friendly, outgoing and charming. If you didn't already know, these three qualities attract most people! It turns out that no one likes to approach strangers and start a conversation themselves, so smiling is the first thing you can do to show that you are not afraid. Even the most confident people find this reassuring. And it's easier than ever.

2.2 Mirror them. The point is: adapt your posture and/or facial expression to them, so that they look at their reflection in the mirror. This, on an unconscious level, tells the person your sympathy or approval of his feelings. Have you ever been to rock concerts that leave behind this incredible feeling - a single impulse when you - one of thousands of the same others - energize each other? This is due to everything that you do in sync with the crowd - swinging, jumping, pushing. The same thing happens in normal daily conversation! You need very few words (or none at all) and you will still feel connected.

If you do it purposefully 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, you're more likely to get noticed. But for 90 seconds, this trick will do. So mirror the angle of their body, put your hands in the same position, and also, mirror their face. You will probably feel the exchange of energies too.

2.3. Maintain eye contact. Imagine meeting someone who constantly looks a meter above your right shoulder. You literally have to force yourself to stop yourself from waving your hand in the face of the interlocutor and not screaming “Buddy! I'm here!". Relieve them of temptation and maintain good eye contact. This will show them that you are listening, interested and involved in what they have to say. Avoiding eye contact is often misunderstood as being rude.

If this is a problem for you, try to trick yourself by staring at the top of the other person's nose, or only look at the person when they are talking and rest from eye contact while you are talking. You don't have to look at it 100% of the time. This will cause tension!

2.4 Open body language. This is important in order to show your politeness and respect - otherwise you risk coming across as rude and unapproachable. To get the picture right, imagine a person cross-legged and cross-armed, sitting in a corner, staring at a smartphone. Would you approach this person? Would you describe it as "pleasant?" Probably not. Therefore, make yourself open and accessible, even if it seems to you that no one is looking at you!

Enough of that - besides just not crossing your arms and keeping your head up - just staying involved in what's going on around you and being interested in the people around you. If your phone rings, ignore it. Show the person that you are spending your time exclusively on him. Do not look at the clock, do not be distracted by the computer. Live this moment with the people around you. The phone will stay with you, and the people will leave.

2.5 Use the power of touch. Let's say your colleague Michael says "hello" to you as he walks past your desk. You will forget about it in 5 seconds. Now imagine that the same Michael, passing by your table, casually shakes your shoulder during a greeting. What will look more sincere? What will put you more towards Michael? That's where the power of touch is!

Now imagine that Mikhail says to you: “Hi, Sasha, how did you get there? How's the weekend? and touches your shoulder. He combined the touch, your name and

2.6 Make sure that your intonations, gestures and words match. This is especially important when you are in a position of power or are looking for a position of power—namely, at work. But it's also important when you're trying to convince people or just get your point across. If you want to inspire confidence and appear sincere, all your expressions must be consistent. Think of a loved one saying "I love you" to you with clenched teeth and a clenched fist. "Wait, what?"

Most often this is seen in politicians. Failed politicians. It is not uncommon to meet an elderly man who says, “I communicate with the younger generation. I know how they live, ”and at this time shakes his fist, points his finger or wrinkles his forehead. Nooo really. It looks suspicious and we feel it. This is a simple mistake that makes a significant difference.

3. Use your manners

3.1 Be confident. Weak personalities, one way or another, repel. Pompous people are unpleasant and repulsive even more obviously. But confidence attracts and beckons us like moths to a flame. So for the 90 seconds you have, hold your head high, roll your shoulders back, and smile. Exactly. You look great, calm and collected. And you know, now you are the one to whom people will be drawn.

And if such a situation arises, shake hands firmly. A weak handshake turns most people away, especially in a professional situation. You need a handshake that says, “I'm here! Yes, I'm here!" And not something that would say: “I'm here, I think, probably... Am I here?”. Thank you but no.

3.2 Dress appropriately. People are judged by first impressions (this includes clothing), so make sure you dress appropriately for where you're going. Nobody likes a guy in casual clothes in the middle of an expensive restaurant or a girl with caked-on makeup at the gym. As much as we don't like to admit it, clothes affect how we think about people - it's so simple, we can't help but automatically jump to conclusions. So whatever it is, dress appropriately.

Don't forget to pay attention to the details. Men may forget what bright, shiny watches say about them, and women may lose sight of the role of long, dangling feather earrings. Everything - from your shoes, makeup, hair to jewelry gives the people around you a piece of information that they collect about you. So choose your gear carefully if you want the perfect first impression!

3.3 Adapt to their worldview. This is exactly the same “like reaches for like” that you heard about. Since people love those who seem like themselves, who they see a lot in common (especially in the first 90 seconds of meeting), your chances of success will increase if you adapt to their worldview. Therefore, if they are prim and always doing the right thing, or vice versa, they profess the views of the hippies and protest against the entire establishment - if you can easily understand their position, you can also easily adapt to it.

In other words, if you have a practical person in front of you, roll up your sleeves. If his tie is tied at random, and the bottom of his shirt is knocked out of his trousers, feel free to take off your shoes. If they have a big Starbucks latte in their hands, respond with anti-capitalist remarks. Use all the visual cues you can and bring them to life in your own style.

3.4 Don't be afraid to get ridiculed. Jennifer Lawrence was amazing in The Hunger Games, and then she fell down the stairs while receiving that award and became even more amazing. Therefore, when you knock over a latte on yourself, to the new jokes of new friends - relax. In fact, it can work in your favor if you don't scare yourself. They will only think about it as much as you will, so hello those stains! They accentuate the brown tint of your eyes, I guess.

Everyone is pleased to understand that they are dealing with real people. Inside, we are all clueless seventh graders, afraid of getting caught with a finger in our nose. Accept yourself (and manage to laugh about it), show that you are real (and still cool). Well, what a relief!

Advice

In conversation, talk about general things that do not imply a rigid personal position. This is because if you start talking about something controversial, you run the risk that the other person's opinion will be very different from yours, and the result is a clash. After that, it will take you more than 90 seconds to like again.

If you're having a bad day, stay at home. A bad mood is hard to get rid of, and people mistake it for negativism if they haven't met you before. Wait until your mood improves!

When you maintain eye contact, don't stare at them like a weirdo. Just make eye contact when they say something important, or at least important to them.

Source: WH