Is it difficult to communicate with strangers? It seems to you that those around you do not hear you or you cannot prove your point of view and win over others? How to learn to talk to anyone?
Sometimes each of us hesitates to start a conversation or express our opinion on a particular issue. At the same time, you can have a close friend or a stranger in front of you. As a rule, this situation arises due to a lack of the necessary skills: you simply do not know how to start or carry on a conversation. It is not thoughts that keep you from acting; it is the fear they generate that stops you. However, everything can be fixed - just practice.
At the heart of the fear of talking to a stranger are ideas about the situation and, as a rule, assumptions about its outcome.
To solve this problem, try to look at the situation from a different angle. Try to treat a conversation with another person as if it is an ordinary thing that you encounter all the time.
Exercise. Dealing with Fear
To finally say goodbye to fear, try to accept and let go of this feeling. Do the following:
1. Notice the appearance of any unpleasant, numbing feeling of fear - even a mild one that arises in everyday life. 2. Notice it and when fear arises, focus fully on it. 3. Feel this fear, focus on it, not allowing consciousness to be carried away after the thoughts that gave rise to fear. Instead, focus on the feeling of fear: just observe it as a feeling inside the body, let it be there.4. Don't resist it, think about it the way you think about it, for example, a slight itch: you notice it as a sensation, but this itch does not set off a cycle of negative thoughts that are overwhelming and depressing - it's just a sensation. 5. Allow this feeling to be and just say to yourself: “This is it, this feeling” - when you focus on it, it will gradually disappear. Let him go.
Take care of your appearance
Attractiveness is a precious capital, a source of great advantages for the owner. Despite the fact that everyone likes to repeat the saying “do not drink water from your face”, in fact, everyone likes beautiful people. That is why in order to build effective communication, you need to take care of your appearance.
Studies have shown that people with good looks, regardless of gender, are more likely to get help because everyone wants to become more attractive in the eyes of beautiful people.
There is nothing surprising in the fact that attractive men and women are usually considered more talented, kind, honest and smart. The same applies to everyday communication - you want to communicate with more attractive people again and again.
That is why, before going to a meeting or public speaking, pay attention to your appearance. You have to fit the situation - if this is a meeting of sports fans, then it would be inappropriate to come in a jacket and tie. Likewise, don't wear sneakers to lunch with a potential investor. Make it so that the appearance has others to communicate.
Find common ground
Common things bring people together. The search for common ground quickly leads them to mutual understanding and creates an atmosphere of friendship and trust. In the words of Aristotle, “we love those who are like us and pursue the same goals... We love those who desire the same as we.”
It will be easy to start communication if you find common ground with the person you are interested in. Each of us unconsciously believes that others think and feel the same way as we do, especially when we meet someone for the first time. Based on this prejudice, when you first meet a person, you should look for something that can connect you.
This is where the most important detail of easy communication between people opens up: learn to listen.
To find common ground, listen to the interlocutor and take a closer look at what he does. For example, going for a walk with a child, playing a game on a tablet, solving a crossword puzzle - all this is very useful information in terms of where to start a conversation and find common interests. Having studied the behavior of the interlocutor, having listened to his opinion and asking counter questions, it will be much easier for you to position him for further productive communication.
Use your voice
Your voice is your main tool in communicating with people. How you convey information largely determines its perception. That is why you should practice and understand how you can better communicate with the interlocutor.
Tone. It is very important to follow the tone of speech, as the same words can be perceived as joking, funny or serious. A good example is the phrase "Get away from me." You can convey one message by saying this phrase in a stern and angry tone, or you can convey a completely different idea by saying these words in a slightly surprised tone.
The right tone helps keep the person interested in the conversation. Therefore, when talking about something, be sure to watch your tone.
Pauses. A pause can be used, for example, to strengthen, emphasize a phrase before the next one sounds. Combined with a certain facial expression, such as a questioning eyebrow raise, a long pause can cause the person to respond or engage in a conversation. During a conversation, it is also important to be quite lively, so when you talk about something, use facial expressions and gestures.
Temp. To build rapport, try to keep your pace as close to the other person's as possible. For example, if he speaks quickly, try speaking at the same pace, and vice versa. You will be surprised how effective this method is. Try it!
When you need to convince
If you are going to make a presentation, participate in negotiations, or you need to convince colleagues to make a decision, then use the technique called “ lawyer's method.
What do lawyers do before they start defending their client? They run over the opponent's defense in their minds. What should you do? List on a piece of paper everything that you think other meeting participants will demand and stand for and that is the opposite of what you want to achieve. Be as specific as possible: if you have the necessary information, try to "attribute" specific objections to specific people with whom you will talk.
This will help you prepare your speech in advance, answer any questions, and perform flawlessly. Good luck!