Having lived with my wife for 5 years, I could not have imagined that overnight she would pack her things, turn around and leave for her mother. A lot of questions immediately arose in my head: “What happened?”, “Is this really the end?”, “How to improve relations with my wife?”.
I will say right away that I managed to return my beloved, although not very easily. Therefore, I hasten to share effective methods and positive experience.
- What is the cause of the discord?
- 1. Unwillingness to listen
- 2. Lack of understanding
- 3. Inability to control anger and aggression
- 4. Games and vices
- 5. Does not give
- 6. Distrust and jealousy
- 7. Unjustified expectations
- What do experts say?
- How can I improve my relationship with my wife?
- Love is gone - tomatoes withered
- How to improve relationships after a divorce
- What not to do?
- The best phrases for reconciliation
- The best ways to build relationships with your spouse
- If you have a common child
- How to improve relations with your wife after 40
What is the reason for the discord?
For myself, I identified a number of factors that interfere with the family idyll. It is worth analyzing them in order to understand how to improve relations with your wife. These include:
1. Unwillingness to listen
Try to listen carefully to your wife and not be distracted by the gadget. Don't interrupt or use sarcasm. Don't take your wife's statements to heart. When relationships are already badly damaged, it is very difficult to build an emotional connection again.
Always try to negotiate. When talking, do not go out of your way, proving your case. Your task is to create relationships that will be based on trust.
be silent and do not forbid her to express her thoughts and feelings. Yes, now you will worry with her, but her problems require an urgent solution.
If you do not understand your soul mate, stop paying attention to her feelings, then she will turn into a silent and cold creature.
3. Inability to restrain anger and aggression
Most men are unable to restrain negative emotions. Aggression and irritability can bring even a strong marriage to divorce.
When my wife got into a car accident and wrecked her brand new Kia Rio, I was screaming like crazy. After this incident, we did not speak for two weeks.
Having reconciled, the wife admitted that she was very ashamed and offended. She took no pleasure in the fact that a decent amount of money from the general budget was spent on fixing the car, and not on a vacation or buying a new refrigerator. After that, I regretted my behavior.
If this happens to you, forgive your soulmate, caress and calm down. So you will appear in front of her as a superhero, able to solve any problems, and not a whiner. If you are very irritated, it is better to go out on your face and catch your breath.
4. Games and vices
Do you spend hours playing D. O. O. M, STALKER or World of Tanks? Every evening you sit with friends in a bar for a glass of beer? Do you regularly play in online casinos and spend your entire salary? Then I don't know why you need a wife. No normal lady will live with a man whose friends and games come first.
If you want to strengthen your relationship with your wife, urgently change your lifestyle. Go in for sports, give up addictions, find a good job and an interesting hobby.
5. Does not give
The wife did not give a divorce. The wife did not give, a divorce. One small comma, but how the meaning changes.
If sexual relations with the spouse fail, it is time to reanimate desire and diversify intimacy. After all, even great sex with a loved one someday becomes boring.
To get new vivid impressions, act as follows:
1. Voice your desires. Usually girls are more shy in bed and less relaxed. Your task is to show her that everything is possible with you, even the most incredible experiments.
2. Change positions. Believe me, your wife has long been convinced that there is nothing interesting on the ceiling. Hurry up to google the successful poses of the Kama Sutra.
3. Look sexy. If you wander around the apartment in an old T-shirt and holey socks, you are unlikely to be provided with "jumps" all night. Style your hair, put on perfume, keep fit.
4. Surprise with a hint. Get a hotel room and unexpectedly invite your wife on a date. Don't forget to buy a bottle of wine and order delicious food. A change of scenery and a romantic mood will definitely return sexual relations.
5. Sex toys and films for adults expand the horizons of intimate life. They bring novelty and act excitingly.
As for swing, the experiment is certainly not for everyone. The option is better than cheating, but I would not recommend offering it to your wife if she has never talked about such things.
6. Distrust and jealousy
Discord in relationships is often affected by jealousy. Its constant manifestation can border on pathology. If the level of your jealousy has reached the absurd, perhaps you should contact a specialist who will help restore normal perception.
Leave your fertile imagination and turn on self-control. The wife should notice that you have become different, restrained and adequate. Give her freedom, let her go to karaoke or a club with her friends.
7. Unjustified expectations
If you married this particular girl, then you should not try to remake her, even if she does not meet your ambitions. If your expectations are not met, do not make claims to your spouse.
What do experts say?
To win back the favor of your wife, start talking to her in the language of love. This is exactly what one of the famous psychologists advises. I consider his recommendations universal.
To understand your spouse's love language, answer a few questions:
1. What makes her excited?
2. What behavior is she offended by?
3. How does she see the ideal man?
4. How does a spouse behave if she wants to make friends with a person?
5. What behavior does she encourage?
6. What phrases about love and relationships does she use as an example?
7. What childhood memories make her happy?
The answers will help to understand the behavior of the partner, identify problems in the relationship and solve them competently.
Psychologists advise not to panic under any circumstances. I agree with this. Difficulties in marriage, the loss of romance and understanding - this is already a "classic of the genre." Sooner or later, every married couple faces these problems.
Of course, it is easiest to escape from difficulties and give yourself freedom. Gather your will into a fist and say to yourself: “I can solve problems! I will definitely find a way to improve relations with my wife! Then success is guaranteed!
How to improve relations with your wife?
When relationship problems arise with a spouse, men react in completely different ways. Some panic, others do everything possible to return the location of their beloved, others pretend that nothing happened.
The spouses stopped paying attention to each other, do not provide proper support, do not restrain irritability - there are clearly problems in the relationship. In such a situation, it is important to find the right moment and talk heart to heart. It is necessary to identify difficulties, express wishes and outline ways to correct behavior.
Directly ask your beloved what does not suit her. And don't be afraid to appear weak or vulnerable. Throw your pride to hell, because the first to meet is the one who knows how.
More tactility, courtesy and care should be shown. Regardless of her age, try to care for and pleasantly surprise. Remember how it all began. Bring back the old feelings, and maybe butterflies flutter in your stomach again.
Love is gone - the tomatoes have withered
. It is possible that the wife got married for some specific reasons: “The years go by, but I’m not getting younger”, “When to give birth to children, it’s already 35, it’s time”, “All my friends are with their husbands, but I’m lonely”, “No money at least the husband will support.
A healthy person marries only his beloved partner. When she said “Yes” in front of the altar, she probably thought that everything would endure and fall in love.
In this case, there are two options:
1. Make your spouse fall in love with you. Start working on yourself, change your appearance, win her heart and prove that you are the one.
2. Let her go. Continue to move forward, develop and live in pleasure, as if there was no tragedy.
In any case, forgive your wife and do not take revenge on her. Do not try to deprive money and friends. Try to have a positive relationship with your spouse. Say directly that you want to return her, but you are not going to put pressure on her.
If the wife does not get in touch and ignores in every possible way, try to arrange a meeting. Talk to mutual friends about where and when your spouse is. Talk to her heart to heart, confess your feelings. Choose the right words ahead of time.
A great option is to order flowers delivered to the office where the wife works. After work, meet her at the building and offer a ride, invite her to a restaurant.
If you have a child together, you can send a note to your spouse through him. Try to be romantic in the 21st century.
Women are quite unpredictable. Today she does not talk to you and cannot stand you, but tomorrow she loves and adores you again. You can be sure of this, it is enough to approach with sincere apologies.
How to mend relationships after a divorce
If you want to keep normal communication with your ex-wife, this is the right decision. It is much more comfortable to be friends after a divorce than to experience anger, hatred and resentment.
Separation does not always mean the final destruction of love, but it is difficult to restore a family. Relationships need to be built by two people. If the ex-wife has no desire, then it is unlikely that anything will come of it. She came to a divorce for a number of reasons, which, most likely, did not disappear.
The most important thing in this matter is to take your time and wait for the emotions to subside. Time does not work against you, but, on the contrary, allows you to analyze mistakes and realize their future.
It happens that former spouses are ready to go for rapprochement, but none of them decides to take the first step, considering their feelings are not mutual. Take the initiative in your own hands, act and achieve the goal if you truly love. But do not forget that in order to achieve happiness in his personal life, it is enough for a man to get a divorce.
What not to do?
There are a number of behaviors that are in no way applicable to the issue of reconciliation with a wife. So, in no case should you:
- get drunk and try to explain yourself on the phone or hammer on her door, shouting about love;
- sobbing into the phone and begging to come back, leaving deplorable text messages every half an hour;
- flirting with her female friends to make her jealous;
- call names last words and accuse of betrayal, treason;
- remember her misdeeds, old grievances from the series “But you yourself... And you... Do you remember three years ago you...”;
- talk about another girl, compare her with her spouse if the quarrel happened because of jealousy or infidelity;
- fulfill all her wishes, if only to make peace;
- shower every day with expensive gifts.
If, after a quarrel, the spouse quickly found solace in another man, you should not think about how to improve relations with your wife. Most likely, she herself will be disappointed in her chosen one. She will come to understand that she does not love a new partner at all, and then she will begin to remember her husband. And then decide for yourself whether you need this woman or not.
The best phrases for reconciliation
A list of humorous phrases for reconciliation will help you improve relations with your spouse. This is the best option for those who are used to writing SMS and messages on social networks. If you are really guilty, then use one of the following texts:
- Let me have the last word in our quarrel. That word is sorry.
- Darling, I'm sorry. I am a donkey. I do not even know what to say. Although... I know... E-A!
- Bunny, let's settle disagreements and problems in a horizontal position.
- Let's make up before we forget why we had a fight.
- Don't eat me, I'll be useful to you.
- Dear, help me become a person who will no longer make mistakes.
- It's hard to forgive a fool like me. Will you try? Really, love?
- Life is boring without quarrels and scandals. Maybe we'll get bored?
- Others create - and I do it, someone enters history - and I get into trouble. That's the kind of person I am: I'll say something in the heat of the moment, then I'll screw it up. All this is not happening out of malice. Forgive me. To fully reform is beyond my power, but I promise to try hard to do so.
If the wife is a lover of breaking dishes, then write to her: “Let's get scandalous plastic dishes.”
some simple options to help strengthen the marriage:
1. Neutral attitude
There is a type of lady who is very worried that her husband does not regret parting and does not suffer. Try to show your neutral attitude to what is happening, and a sense of ownership will overcome your spouse.
2. Influence through friends and relatives
Establish relationships with mutual friends and close people of the wife. They can greatly influence her opinion.
3. Traveling as a couple
To bond a marriage, you and your wife need a change of scenery. You will get new impressions and emotions from a wonderful trip to another city or country. A positive atmosphere, the sea and the sun of a chic hotel are an excellent antidepressant that has a positive effect on the psyche and brings partners together.
Do you remember how you felt when you made the first date with your future wife? The wait was agonizing… When was the last time you and your wife went to a restaurant or a movie? Choose a day and stay together by visiting any institution.
4. Talk about love
How long have you confessed your feelings to your wife? Believe me, women need it. Do not skimp on compliments and confessions. Leave once again an SMS about how beautiful your wife is and how much you love her. Remind me that she's insanely sexy.
5. Give presents
Give your spouse a thing that she has long dreamed of, just like that, for no reason. Don't wait for Valentine's Day or New Years.
Surprise your beloved, court her and always be kind. These qualities are important not only before the wedding, but also after it.
If you have a child together
If you and your wife have a child together, then the task is simplified. To improve relations with your spouse, do not lose contact with your loved ones. During conversations with the baby, do not tell him that his mother is to blame for everything. Do not manipulate your child and do not tell him the reasons for the quarrel.
Remain a worthy father and do not blame your wife for the breakup. In order for your spouse to look at you with different eyes, follow the following rules:
- show your household skills;
- educate the child daily;
- buy your baby quality items and useful toys;
- show your reliability and attentiveness;
- attend meetings at school or kindergarten;
- take to the doctor if necessary:
- do not forget about holidays and events.
After some time, the woman you love will appreciate you in a new way. She will understand that no one can replace the child's own father.
Any wife will melt if you invite her and the child to a joint holiday. Go hiking with your family. Sit by the fire in the evening, remember the fun moments of life.
crisis, which consists in reassessing the results achieved. During this period, the spouse must respectfully accept the opinions and decisions of the second half. You can’t dictate your conditions to a woman and tell her how to behave. Because of this, hostility and hatred will arise.
In behavior with your wife, feel for the golden mean. To do this:
- appreciate your beloved woman, but do not humiliate yourself;
- travel with her;
- attend festivals and exhibitions;
- Praise her more often and compliment her.
Relationships with a wife after years of marriage can be repaired through renewed passion. Psychologists advise including flirting in communication with your spouse, smiling more often. Excitement and games in love relationships will allow both partners to take a fresh look at life together.
Any advice is good in moderation. You may need to do what psychologists recommend, but we are all different from each other. Everyone has their own life experience, their desires and their situations. In any case, the best effective way to build relationships with a woman will be to improve yourself and your inner world, rethink your actions.
If your wife openly mocks you or goes to the left, is it even worth fighting for her? Or is it better to endure until the end of life, because two pensions are better than one?