We all want to be interesting to others. We want to win them over, to catch admiring glances, and we just want our friends to feel comfortable, fun, and exciting next to us. After all, no one will be pleased if you come to the company like that and hear “God, he is here again!”.
How to avoid such a sad state of affairs and how to become an interesting person - in this article.
Decide for yourself: who is this interesting person of yours? Who do you find interesting and why? Because each person himself determines what or who is interesting for him.
For example, a hipster from St. Petersburg who supports oppositional views, subscribes to Varlamov, drinks exclusively walnut latte and recently opened a coffee shop, will seem like a typical show-off to someone, and to someone - an interesting personality with whom you can grind for art house and find out where to go in St. Petersburg.
To some, a role-playing girl portraying an elf and running through the forests with pointy ears in a dress will seem strange, infantile, not grown up from childhood, and to someone - a wonderful personality who knows many books and is able to quote Schiller from memory. And so on, you get the analogy.
Dig into yourself, find in your environment people who seem personally interesting to you. And then think: why? What makes them interesting? If this topic is important to you, you can sit down straight with a piece of paper and write down: I find N interesting because...
Perhaps it will be his ability to poison funny stories, he always has something to tell, it never happens to him boring, he's just a walking joke book. Or he always drags your company somewhere fun and interesting. Or he is able to talk interestingly about anything, even about string theory, and everyone will listen with their mouths open. Or vice versa: he listens so attentively that after talking with him you leave as if from a session with a psychologist.
After doing this exercise, you will understand what is an "interesting person" for yourself, and how to become an interesting person yourself - how to meet your own criteria of interestingness.
Almost certainly, if you think back, you will realize that the people you find interesting are always guided by the interlocutor. That is, they monitor whether the conversation is interesting to the interlocutor, whether he is bored, they are able not only to tell an exciting story about themselves, but also to carefully listen to the other.
This is a very important, practically key quality, because even if you are charismatic, cheerful, you have a lot of stories in store, you just returned from India yesterday, where you rode a moped with Himalayan bears - without the ability to listen to your interlocutor and to focus on him, you will only tire everyone with these stories and seem like a narcissistic type who did not come to sit with the company, but to benefit from the name of his beloved.
Therefore, here are some tips on how to become an interesting person, showing not your uniqueness, but interest in the personality of another:
What does it mean: you show the interlocutor that you are interested in him, that you are here with him, you are included in the conversation, and you are interested in what he will say next.
How to do it: look at the interlocutor, turn to him with the body, knees, feet, give emotional feedback about what he says (that is, express emotions corresponding to the story: be surprised, frown, smile, insert short lines), confirm that you are listening, you are included in the conversation (nod, “yeah, yeah”), push him to continue (“so, what’s next?”, “What are you doing to him?”), ask questions to the interlocutor explained his position better.
Why it's important: People love to hear interesting stories, but even more people love to tell them. It is important not only to shine yourself, but also to allow others to feel like an interesting person. It's very nice, and people will have the best opinion about you.
Once again: it is important not only to shine yourself, but also to let others shine. You know that feeling when some friend of yours has achieved something, or has just returned from a trip, and he only talks about it, and doesn’t even ask how things are going, and if he asks, then immediately “but I, and I have? Annoying, right? He immediately seems like an upstart. So don't be such an upstart yourself!
So, how to become an interesting person: ask the interlocutor about himself. And what do you think? How about you in general (what you talked about, for example, the same India)? Do you like to travel? How are you, what's new? (And listen to the answer carefully and with interest)
Direct continuation of the previous paragraph.
What are open-ended questions: these are those that cannot be answered in monosyllables, such as “yes/no”, “seen/not seen”, “like/dislike”. As a rule, open-ended questions begin with “why?”, “What?”, “How?”. What do you think about travel? Why do you like or dislike travel? Do you think it is worth spending time on higher education nowadays? Etc.
Invite the person to reveal his opinion, to argue the position. Let him feel smart and interesting himself - and this will instantly add points to you in his eyes, they will want to spend time with you again, because you can not only tell, but also listen.
Yes, yes, classic articles about how to become an interesting person, I know. The difference is that there will be specific recommendations. Go!
Look, two key points: vocabulary and the ability to use it.
Vocabulary is developed by 90% by reading. Sorry here, but it's true, I know it sounds super boring. Why 90% reading: because there are more corny words in a book than in a movie, so reading a book in order to increase vocabulary is much more productive than watching or listening to something.
Secondly, when you read, you memorize words in context (there is even such a method of memorizing words when learning a foreign language: contextual), respectively, it is much easier for your brain to remember and use them later. So excuse me, but you still have to read something. Preferably interesting.
The second important point in the ability to tell interesting things is the ability to use this vocabulary of yours. And here I have bad news again: you can only learn this by practice. That is, it is banal to talk more. How to do it? Catch several options:
To a greater extent, it is self-irony, and not a sense of humor. The fact is that you need to be able to joke very well in order to amuse everyone with a successful joke on something extraneous. But self-irony always works: you joked, but you didn’t offend anyone, you joked with yourself, and this showed you as a person with high and stable self-esteem. Isn't this the quality of an interesting, charismatic personality?
So, what does self-irony include:
Firstly, it captivates and demonstrates your self-confidence, since you can calmly admit your ignorance and not feel flawed from this. Secondly, it is pleasant for people to feel smarter than the interlocutor and at the same time to help him in something, this instantly puts the interlocutor to you. Plus, you actually learn something new.
In general, catch a life hack about mistakes: you noticed that you made a mistake... Praise yourself for it. No, I'm serious.
For example: he put the emphasis in the wrong place - he joked “God, I called, did I say I called? This is what I'm good at. Katya, I’ll call you!”, laughed, everyone laughed, everyone is happy. He slipped, almost fell - he laughed: “Yes, today I’m just Mr. Grace, even now at the Olympic Games in the figure skating section.”
You make fun of yourself, relieve your interlocutors of the burden of the need to tactfully ignore your mistake, and at the same time you do not humiliate yourself and again demonstrate your high self-esteem. Profit.
Interesting, charismatic people are always emotional, because emotions are the most important part of human communication. No one will be interested in a dry story even about the most interesting events, but if you feed it with emotions, interesting details, impressions, it’s another matter.
sorry for that nasty phrase. How to fill something interesting yourself, your own head?
Keep your finger on the pulse in terms of the news agenda, it is always interesting to discuss the news, especially if the company is unfamiliar, and you don’t really know each other yet. Try to be curious, poke your nose into different areas, even those where you don’t understand anything.
If it is easier for you to approach the issue in a structured way, then you can directly assign a plan to yourself: learn some interesting fact every day. A part, of course, will be forgotten, but a part - what aroused emotions in you, what sincerely interested you - will remain, and you will be able to share it with others in the future.
And if you already have it, learn to talk about it in an interesting way. If the hobby is specific and focused on the exact and technical sciences (well, you never know, maybe you are sincerely fond of physics) - it will be more difficult here, try to watch lectures, scientific pop - this will be an example for you how interesting it is to talk about complex, technical, scientific topics.
If there is no hobby, try to find it. In the end, it will make you feel better not only in the context of being an interesting person, but also in the context of self-development and banal pleasure, because it is always nice to learn new things, master new skills.
For a start, you can try to return to the hobbies that fascinated you in childhood and adolescence. If you don’t get stuck, try something that you have never tried at all, for example, if you are an athlete, try going to a chess club, if you don’t get out of the house on the contrary, go for a bike ride. You will get new impressions, and then you can tell about them in an interesting and fun way.
New people are also experiences, right? More acquaintances - less narrow-mindedness (you understand that people are different, and you learn to accept it), more impressions, more stories to tell, more new knowledge from these acquaintances. In the end, it's always nice to casually drop “and here is my friend a Tibetan monk…”
First, it pumps your brain, forcing it to develop new neural connections and make you smarter. Secondly, these are new impressions. Thirdly, you will always have something to tell your friends, so they will definitely not find you boring.
Try to simply go to a new store or cafe, take a different route to work, go to an interesting exhibition, to a movie in the cinema - there are few opportunities to get new impressions, no one obliges you to urgently break off on a trip to Tibet (although, if you want…).
A few final tips that will help you win people over and be interesting to them.
Psychologists have proven that the human brain tends to transfer sensations from the situation to the person who was nearby at that moment.
Because of this, for example, people who have experienced a serious injury often do not want to be close to the people who were with him at that moment, even if they are not to blame for the injury - this association is turned on in the brain “ this person was there when I was very ill, let's better move away from him, otherwise it will suddenly become bad again.
It also works in the opposite direction: you go to the cinema with a friend to see a very funny comedy - in the future, in the company of this friend, your mood will rise, he will seem to you a cheerful person, although he himself was not joking, they joked in comedy.
This effect, a bug of the human brain, you can apply yourself: invite the company to an interesting place where they will have fun and exciting. For example, on a quest or something like that. Profit - they also associate you with something interesting and exciting.
This is pleasant both to the author of the compliment and to its addressee, and immediately puts the interlocutor to you. And in general, the ability to see the good in people and openly tell them about it is great: it pumps your empathy and self-confidence. So take a closer look at the interlocutor, catch in him what you like, and do not hesitate to say it.
You know, like in the movie “Always Say Yes!”. A person who easily agrees to go somewhere, agrees to break into some kind of spontaneous adventure without a special plan - it seems interesting, cheerful, with such, as they say, into fire and into water. And the man who seems to have come out of Chekhov's story "The Man in the Case" is not very good.
Meaning: make sure that everyone around you is comfortable, that everyone is involved in the conversation and enjoys the pastime. If you notice that someone is quiet and bored - ask his opinion about something; noticed that someone is shy - introduce him to the same bored.
By the way, catch a life hack about dating and how to introduce yourself to new people: don’t say “Sergey, meet me, this is Marina”, but add: “Sergey, meet me, this is Marina, she is fond of Marvel comics, weaves macrame and works as a wedding planner."
List a couple of your interests, a place of work - they will catch on to something and be able to talk, and they will be grateful to you for your sensitivity. You can also introduce yourself: “Hi, I’m Roman, I work as a veterinarian, I keep two Dobermans at home, in my free time I draw sketches for tattoos.”
Okay, okay, this is a joke.
I mean don't be toxic. Do not gossip about other people, do not make fun of other people's shortcomings, be tactful, do not use humor that humiliates someone. These are the basic rules of normal, healthy human communication.
Yes, gossip can really be interesting, and when you wash bones with someone else, you know, it unites. But this is cheating, dishonest tricks. You want to be seen as an interesting person, not the type who likes to dig into other people's dirty underpants, right?
Well, that's all. Good luck to you and great interlocutors.