In the world of relationships, there are two common types of men and women who experience difficulties in their personal lives. They are either single, or all relationships end unsuccessfully.
It is interesting that these two types do not collide with each other, and if they suddenly collide, they shy away like gray cats in a bandit song.
And the answer to this mystery will be discussed later.
The unpopularity of these types leads to the fact that "knights" and "girls" are often lonely, and if they start a relationship, they dynamically roll into the minus immediately. Fortunately, a type is not a personality base, but a set of psychological defenses, it can be thrown off like a snake skin and become a completely different person, strong and happy. The main thing is to figure out where these psychic defenses are, why they close a person and how to do without them.
Let's start with the "girl". The main characteristics of the type can be seen in any almost female letter about an unsettled personal life, there are always almost “girls”. Often the "girls" and financially everything is bad. And they do not see problems in themselves. Their problem is that the world is bad. And in order to help such a "girl", it is necessary to remake the world.
The main thing that can be said about the "girl" is that she has not been a girl for a long time. She is 30+ or 40+ or even 50+. Hence the quotes. If a girl is 20, then she is not yet a “girl”, but just a girl, her infantilism and the search for a paternal figure in men fit within the norm, and she has time to become a normal woman.
"Girls" are seleniums at the age of diana or hekate, if old readers remember what it is about. But “girls” don’t have any spontaneity of the universe, childishness, and hence the quotes too. That is, youth is no more, there is no spontaneity, there is no sparkle in the eyes, there is no lightness, there is no longer anything fresh girlish, but there is no mature beautiful either, there is infantilism, helplessness, the look of an orphan, small offended eyes, mournful folds around the unfortunate mouth, all this here is. And the manners of a frightened doe, too. She's so scared, poor thing, so defenseless, she's so scared "in the world of men."
Therefore, she always has a large rolling pin in her hands, just in case. And, of course, she knows how to stand up for herself. Where it is not necessary, but where it is necessary, it waits for them to take it in their hands. Where it is not necessary is where it is not its territory, it has no rights, for some reason it has many claims there. But on her territory, where she has every opportunity to take care of herself, she is a helpless and quivering doe, waiting for a knight. A moment of attention, not a "knight"! She does not need a "knight", however, like none of the women. And the real knights of "girls" of course bypass. That is why they are so alone. Sometimes they cling to someone and let's hang on to him, expecting that he will imbue and adopt, and then, imperceptibly for themselves, they begin to give him money, out of fear that he will run away, secretly hoping that his conscience will torment him and he will take them upon himself. guardianship. But no one takes care of them, because they have not been girls for a long time. See above: there is nothing in them that girls are loved for. No youth, no childish spontaneity, no playfulness, not even tenderness. Here is such an ambush.
The "girl" psychic protection set consists of a crown and poisonous grapes. The “girls” have not just green grapes braiding the royal crown, but poisonous grapes. That is, the “girl” considers herself a treasure and at the same time, as it were, is frightened of dangerous men like a quivering doe, because she had a bad dad in her childhood (ordinary, but bad in her eyes, this is the main sign of a “girl”, and if good, that’s all. equally guilty), she was offended by bad boys at school (ordinary), she also met “abusers”, “burglars” (ordinary men), well, they tried to rape her once when she herself came to visit. Not every woman who is tried to be raped (and this is almost as common in our jungle as the attempt to beat boys by hooligans, few escaped this threat in childhood or adolescence) becomes a frightened doe. There is no unequivocal relationship between the event and how the psyche will react. It all depends on the locus of control. Someone decides to become stronger and more secure, thanks to negative experience, will turn all his strength to pumping, and someone, on the contrary, will rush about like a doe all his life and remind everyone how defenseless and offended she is. Here is a poisonous grape on the crown of "girls" - it's like "I'm very afraid that my treasure will be used." Is it necessary to say that no one is in a hurry to use the treasure? And the majority completely scatter in all directions when the “girl” directs her questioning look at them.
To take off the crown, the grapes must first be untwisted. Poisonous grapes unwind almost as much as ordinary green ones. Look around. Where are the abusers? Where is this crowd of excited intruders surrounding you? Look carefully at how sourly men look at you and how quickly they look away, some in fear. Nobody wants to rape you, don't hide. Even if you walk around at night in a short skirt, it is not a fact that you will find adventure. Although if you keep walking, maybe. But another ten years of such a dull life as yours and you will have to pay a lot for someone to agree to “use” you.
When you have untwisted the poisonous grapes and realized that there is no mortal danger to you from men and nothing threatens you at all, you can take off the crown. But you can't take off the crown until you realize that it covers a big hole.
This hole is the search for a father figure. “Girl” is why “girl”, her mouth is so helpless, and her eyes are so frightened that she always wants to climb into daddy's arms. But only to a kind daddy, and not to an evil one, like her real father, and not to an abuser, like all her men. Daddy should be young (at least ten years younger than the “girl”, otherwise this old fart herself will have to be looked after, and the “girl” does not need it), muscular (so that she can carry it on her arms), but very caring and romantic. Every minute of his life, he must belong to the "girl", be in constant contact with her, because as soon as he appears, she will immediately connect to him completely like an embryo to the mother's placenta and will suck energy. She will hang all her anxieties and complexes on him so that he will comfort her, protect her, feed her self-esteem. The self-esteem of the “girl” was destroyed by bad men from birth, she suffered so much from dislike, and now the good daddy must restore all this, with warm and affectionate words and good deeds. Vlip. It’s good if he will support her financially, but the main thing is emotional nutrition. The “girl” herself does not know how to eat, she has some hobbies, girlfriends, but all this is like Penelope’s loom waiting for Odysseus, all this will be temporarily interrupted, it will be immediately thrown aside when He appears. A “girl” can be recognized by how eagerly she dives into a relationship and how nervous she is when you can’t dive quickly. She wants to dive with her head, leaving everything on the shore. She doesn't really have her own. So, a surrogate for true happiness. And true happiness is in Love, any “girl” will explain this to you. The "girl" calls love her vampiric need for continuous emotional support, symbiotic connection, fusion into a single organism with someone else's source of nutrition. “You are beautiful, you are loved, you are the best, you are mine” - the “girl” wants to hear every second, and if she does not hear or does not read in men's eyes, she withers and dries like a flower not watered in time. Therefore, the relationship of "girls" ends most often, without even starting. She accuses the man that she “freaked (read = fully connected to his source), and he deceived (read = feeds little)”.
How to close a vampiric hole so that the crown “I am a treasure” does not grow and is not entwined with poisonous grapes?
First of all, one must realize how ugly and unhealthy this hole is. This is not femininity and not a “natural need for love”, as “girls” want to think, this is a breakthrough that can swallow and devour another person in a matter of time (if they gave her, but who will?). The more years the “girl” is, the farther they go around her, the faster they recognize her as a vampire. Why does this happen with age?
Young infants have spontaneity, their own energy, with which they partially fill their hole and broaden their horizons. Their self-esteem is much higher, they do not feel like stale goods yet. They are cheerful, frisky and restless, so even if they climb on the neck of a man, they soon jump off from there and run to dance. Many men like them outwardly, therefore they are quite in demand, more or less fed up with attention and do not cling to one as if they were the fingers of a dead man from a crypt. Of course, young girls can be sticky and nasty, but, on average, their stickiness and their doom are much less. All this makes them lighter and more attractive, they do not give the impression of a brick on the head. And “girls” at forty give just such an impression. A large brick or even a tombstone. There is little spontaneity in them at all, there is a lot of longing, hunger in the eyes of wolves, resentment for the whole world, fear of old age, and there is no one nearby who would make the poor fellow, their unfortunate chosen one, competition, help share this burden. That is, the chosen one immediately understands that they will cling to his throat and will not lag behind, which is why he runs away, barely seeing the “girl”.
"Girl" is easy to identify by the unhappy look, I have already written. They themselves do not think that their look is unhappy, it seems to them that it is romantic, feminine and a little thoughtful, so gentle. But he is unhappy, because the "girl" is always in search of external support and emotional nourishment from someone male. The look is hungry, it is impatiently groping (although she thinks that it is “closed” and wants to learn to look even more inquisitively), it is written with a furious DEFICIENCY. And age-related changes give this unfortunate look additional heaviness and sorrow.
In the look of an adult woman with a positive experience of life, there should be strength, confidence, easy satiety and even inner fire. "Girls" always come up with fairy tales that men do not like supposedly strong women. But such chewed snot, how do you like them? How? Where is the drive? Where is the irony? Where is the beautiful adult cynicism? Or romanticism, but adult, bold, based on experience, and not childish illusions about wizards in blue helicopters? Where are your own supports, and not just complexes and fears sticking out of all holes?
There is nothing attractive about "girls", but there is a crown "I hide my strength so as not to attract gigolos." Allegedly, they have power, but they hide it, because they are very afraid of gigolos. Indeed, from hunger they often jump on gigolos, unable to refuse to pay their bills. We must feed ourselves with energy ourselves, then there will be no danger of falling into dependence on someone and becoming his material feeder. Because of their emotional vampirism, "girls" become victims of gigolos. This is the only reason! One. They cling to them with such a stranglehold that they easily take all their money. It's fair, it's logical, it's the only way to wean "girls" from clinging, to look for a father figure, to convince them to look at their own supports.
That is, in order to close the vampiric hole in oneself (what the “girls” call the thirst for love, but this is the need to rely on the father figure outside), you need to find the father figure IN YOURSELF. You need to develop your will, or at least notice that it should be, in its place there is a hole, but there should be a will. Your self, your Self. Will controls your attention, it dictates which of your supports you will rely on, where to get support, where to direct energy, where to grow strength. She is your helmsman, and if you do not have the will, you are looking for her in another, you are always looking for a master, a kind dad, a strong shoulder, a stone wall. Well, men are ready to be dads only for young girls (it also ends badly, but for old “girls” it doesn’t even begin).
As soon as you notice that you do not need constant approval, support, acceptance in order to feel confident and good, your look will cease to be hungry, orphan, searching, a mournful expression will disappear from your lips, your face will become beautiful and bold. Spontaneity will come and sparkle in you. And then look how many interested male glances will stop at you. How many men will want to get to know you better and closer.
So that the "girls" do not feel lonely, I will immediately write about the "knights".
“Knights” is the most unpopular type of men among women, most often lonely or quickly moving into the minus and sitting there.
The crown of the "knights" is always almost horned, more often it even looks like branched horns. That is, the “knights” as wives most often get the most frivolous women, the most unfaithful, and I will explain this “coincidence” below.
"Knight" lives in many men. And the sooner a man gets rid of "chivalry", the better his personal life will be. There are fewer “knights” in their pure form, but in this letter you can roughly look at this type (and find similar traits in yourself if you are a man). In general, there are a lot of men's letters in the heading from the "knights", it is they who like to whine and complain about how they were not appreciated and betrayed.
The most important thing to know about “knights” is that they differ radically from knights. There is no one as little like a knight as "knight", which is why he is in quotation marks. A knight is a brave, strong, noble man, for whom personal honor is more important than anything else. The “Knight” is an anxious, weak, accustomed to looking for support outside, a man who is ready to humiliate himself and betray himself for momentary relief. The word "honor" to "knight" is not clear at all, or he understands it in his own way. Chivalry is mature masculinity at its finest. "Knight" is an infantile man who grew up, but did not become an adult.
Imagine, if they shy away from “girls”, no one wants to drag an elderly infantile onto themselves, how much they shy away from “knights”. Infantile women need even less than infantile men, and this is a gender law.
I remind you that a type is a set of psychological defenses, heavy and ugly, covering healthy reflection from a person. This shell must be removed from oneself in order to become free, strong and happy. This can be done realistically and in some cases can be done quickly. That is, from the very last “knight”, by working on oneself, it can turn out quite quickly... well, maybe not a knight, but a normal man. And then, what the hell is not joking, maybe a real knight will turn out.
Why are infantile men so often just “knights” and not someone else?
Just as the “girls” cover the hole in the place of the will with a royal crown and poisonous grapes “I am afraid of men”, so the “knight” covers the hole in the place of the will with the crown of the rescuer and a white coat “the world is mired in vices”.
Consider the crown of the "knight" and his white coat in more detail.
Those who have already read a lot about the rescuer's crown know that this crown ALWAYS closes one's own addiction. The rescuer is emotionally dependent on the partner, involved, glued, subordinate to his will (because he doesn’t have his own or is very weak), but in order to cover this hole from himself (and the crown always closes the hole, supports self-esteem with illusions of greatness), he comes up with what SAVES. Unloved wolf cubs are saved or confused fools, injured poor things and other orphans. In fact, the rescuer is an orphan himself, a weak and cowardly poor thing, afraid to even take a step to the side and unstick from his chosen one, since the rescuer does not have his own emotional supports, all his supports are in symbiosis with his victim, he stuck and grew like a chaga mushroom on a birch, like a baby clinging to its mother's breast, but in order not to see its deplorable state (and not change anything), the rescuer imagines that he is helping the second, saving him.
Of course, no one asks to save a rescuer. First, they take something from him, seeing that he is very interested in the relationship, and then they begin to push him away. But the rescuer, frightened by the break, bites even harder and begins to rescue even more actively. Most often, overcoming resistance, almost by force. I described all this in detail in this post, and do not think that I exaggerated. There are worse things in life.
Here is the rescuer's crown. And the “knight” has it. If he could realize his weakness and inferiority, his stickiness and dependence, he could also unhook. I would find a way to find my footing and tear my mouth from someone else's chest, tea is not a baby, every adult has such reserves. Everyone has it! Especially for young and healthy people. But the "knight" does not want to see his dependence and weakness, his cowardice, it is more pleasant for him to look in the mirror at the crown of the rescuer and imagine himself a generous patron, a little beaten for a just cause, but steadfast. He steadfastly withstands spitting in the face and slaps in the face, he is ready for humiliation and insults. And instead of whispering to himself "Yes, I'm a weakling," he says to himself "I'm a real knight." He betrays himself, all those close to him are ashamed of him, but he himself is not ashamed, because he is in the crown.
But not a single “rescuer” can “save” endlessly, they will still run away from his violence, sometimes decently knocking him on the head, so that he finally gets rid of and at the same time, so that he stops imagining a lot about himself.
Therefore, almost any "knight" over the crown of the rescuer has a hood of a white coat.
A white coat is a secondary psychic protection, it protects the crown from spitting, like poisonous grapes protect the crown of “girls” from ridicule.
The lonely "knight" explains all the failures in his personal life by the fact that women are too dirty, do not appreciate chivalry, purity and romance.
“Women love fools and do not value respect,” often say “knights” who have been offended by women more than once. They think that their stickiness and obsession is the “respect” that women should appreciate. They think that their tediousness and their boring solemnly sad rituals are intellectual and romantic. They look with disgust as women run after impudent machos and shake their heads like an old woman “how the world is spoiled”.
No, the world would be corrupted, long ago and hopelessly, if women loved bores who follow other people's rules and are afraid to take a step on their own, if women chose the most anxious, the most dependent and the most infantile and conformal men. Fortunately, the attraction of women is controlled by unconscious instincts. Women have always chosen and will choose heroes or those who are at least a little like heroes. At least something. And it's not you.
But you also have a chance, because by the grace of nature, the psyche is given plasticity and a reserve of free will. That is, everyone, albeit with difficulty and reluctance, overcoming inertia and fear, can change himself. Everyone can build themselves, getting rid of unnecessary rubbish.
First of all, you need to get rid of the white coat, otherwise you will not see your crown.
If your white hood is pulled low over the rescuer's crown, you look with disgust not only at women, but also at other men. Women are fools, they love scum, they are not able to appreciate your beauty and purity. To take off the white hood, go to the mirror and see where your beauty is? What about cleanliness? Maybe you have a bold, not plaintive look? decisive action? Maybe you are strong and ready to endure adversity without whining? Maybe you don't solicit support, don't ask for approval, don't look offended at everyone who doesn't babysit you? Are you able to laugh in the face of fear? Maybe you are ready to silently experience the pain? Maybe you are ready to at least just let go of a person who does not need you, without requiring you to be responsible for you as a homeless puppy? What is your beauty? Maybe you are at least strong in body, if not in spirit?
Usually "knights" are frail or loose. And this is no coincidence. It is impossible to have a strong, trained body and an absolutely weak spirit. Whether you like it or not, you can also train your spirit at least a little if you don’t constantly seek only comfort and avoid stress at all costs, if you temper and strengthen yourself, torture yourself in moderation and don’t indulge your every whim. If you give up bad habits and proactively develop good ones.
As soon as it was possible to notice that the white coat prevents you from seeing your squalor, you can safely take it off and evaluate the scale of your crown.
How to do this, I will roughly describe.
Do you really think you can save someone? Except a kitten. Or take the old lady across the street. Who else?
You cannot save a woman, especially a woman who does not love you, does not want you, does not depend on you, does not ask you to save her. There is no need to save women who are indifferent to you, save yourself better from addiction. From humiliation, from pity for you and disgust.
Learn to support yourself during periods of acute mental pain and longing, do not write letters to a woman like a mother. Your mom is you. If a woman notices that you complain to her and whine like a mommy, she may develop an acute physical disgust for you. It is almost an instinct - not to copulate with defective males, not to let them near the body. It may seem to a woman that you smell disgusting, that your face is somehow unpleasant. Your smell and facial features have nothing to do with it. She just recognized you as a weakling and is now looking for an excuse to run away.
And yes, why do "knights" always have almost frivolous wives? Only such people can forgive (at first) their edifying and arrogant tone, because they know for themselves, yes, they drift a little, they can drink too much and sleep with the wrong one. Such women use "knights" for some time, because they are not averse to taking what lies badly. But not for long! And everything ends in exactly the same way, badly, just the knights have time to "get used to the soul", grow like parasitic mushrooms. "Knight" and a prostitute, this is a very typical story. A “knight” can endure and forgive for years, but not because he is kind, but because he is weak and dependent.
And it often happens that normal women begin to walk, to spite the "knights", for the sake of mockery of their white coat. The notations of the "knights" are so annoying that you want to put them in a puddle. And this is what women sometimes do.
As for the material, there is usually nothing to reproach the “knights” with. They are not loafers most often (only dreamer knights, who are completely out of touch with the earth, loaf). Usually they try to work, although they do not have enough stars from the sky (for this, spontaneity is needed, and they are boring, there is little spontaneity), they are often diligent and hardworking. And of course they are ready to give all their money to the one on whom they are so emotionally dependent. Who is at a big disadvantage. Minus always drains money! Just as the “girls” keep gigolos, so the “knights” spend everything on their kept women, who run to the tigers in the garages. Sometimes the “knights” even take out loans because they are very afraid of being abandoned, they are afraid to go through stress, they tremble at the mere thought that it will hurt.
But without stress resistance training, this consent to experience mental and physical pain from a break, from loss, there will not be not only real chivalry, there will not even be ordinary maturity, neither female, nor even (!) male. The bar for male stress resistance is even higher than for female. A man should be even stronger. And men will somehow have to come to terms with this for the next hundred years, then we'll see.
So why do "girls" shy away from "knights", and "knights" from "girls", you understand?