Difficult relationships: how to recognize in time and what to do

Dating a girl is, of course, good and interesting. Without the fair sex, in principle, a man becomes bored (indeed, who else would drag him to Ikea for wine glasses on a weekend at half past eight in the morning). Yes, and physiological love has not been canceled. In general, I hope that you share my opinion: women are needed for various reasons.

However, not all relationships for guys turn out to be exclusively joyful. After some, you don’t want to see the ladies at all, because the eye twitches, the wind whistles through the hole in the wallet, and gray hairs have increased in the hair, regardless of age. Difficult relationships (it is now also fashionable to call them toxic) threaten not only girls. Men also manage to get in on the most do not indulge, that then they come to their senses for a long time.

At best, after such an unpleasant experience, you will simply begin to choose your partner more carefully and not rush to formalize the relationship. At worst, men appear on every corner, broadcasting about the dishonesty of modern ladies in the style of "chan is not needed." I hope you understand that the second option is far from being the most positive and correct, since it’s the same as the female “all men are goats”. And to hang a similar label on all representatives of the opposite sex because of one individual is also somehow not according to Feng Shui.

So, this time we'll talk about a difficult relationship, which is more like an old suitcase without a handle. It seems like it’s a pity to throw it away, and it’s already extremely inconvenient to carry. What to do when the current situation in a couple is frankly depressing? Is it urgent to set out in search of a new partner or still try to patch up the dilapidated “love boat”, which was pretty battered by the rocks of everyday life? To begin with, let's still find out what signals you should pay attention to and at what point you need to sound the alarm.

Signs of a difficult relationship

Agree, there is no such thing that everything was generally fine, chic and perfect (the freshest borscht, the daily royal “omelet”, complete mutual understanding, etc.), and then it suddenly became bad. Relations deteriorate gradually, as the fish begins to go out from the head. There is a slight discomfort, dissatisfaction, unwillingness to fly home on the wings of love immediately after a hard day's work. And then, at some point, it dawns on you that these relationships in general frankly bring more problems than joy.

In order not to bring yourself to the handle, and your beloved to the point of no return, pay attention to the context. If these unpleasant signals are present in a relationship, it means that they have become difficult and you need to do something while your psyche has not yet waved the pen:

You stopped missing her.

Perhaps this is the first thing to focus on. It is clear that when you have been living together for a long time, it will not work to constantly yearn for a woman especially (but you would like to at least sometimes, right?). Sometimes there are too many girls in your life. And in general, this habit is typical for long family relationships. But if you are still glad to see your missus after being away from home, everything is fine. The main thing is that no one gets up to anyone like a bone in the throat. Everything else is a simple grind.

But when you don’t see her so regularly, and you don’t really want to make a date, it’s worth considering whether the relationship has moved into the “toxic” category. After all, this is a standard reaction of the human subconscious to the negative impact of communication with a partner. Something doesn’t suit you, you try to put up with it somehow, because you already have a habit, but you can’t deceive psychology. This is the beginning of something not too good.

Her standard habits and behavior began to annoy.

Another no less alarming bell. No wonder they say that in a loved one, with whom everything is fine, you don’t even notice the shortcomings. But when problems begin in a relationship, literally every step infuriates. If you begin to notice such changes, take off your rose-colored glasses (yes, men often wear them too, not only girls) and look at reality more skeptically.

If, in addition to this sign, others are found along the way, then you have embarked on the path of a difficult relationship. That is, it seems like there are no visible reasons to part, but something is not enough joy either. And this already speaks of an unhealthy atmosphere. After all, it should be easier and more comfortable with a partner than without him. Trust my experience, this rule always works flawlessly. The girl causes a continuous negative, which would not be without her? Most likely, the relationship must either be rebuilt, or abandoned altogether. And the faster the better.

Intimate life has worsened.

A very important sign that something not very good is going on between you. It just seems that sex is a pleasant addition to true love, a kind of bonus, without which everything can also be very good. No. Can not. Do not even hope. If the intimate sphere is full of seams, the relationship has very little time left to live.

Pay attention to how often you are close to each other in bed. If you want more and she doesn't, perhaps you can talk about a misunderstanding. By the way, the opposite happens as well. The woman is all right, but your desire has diminished? Trust me, this doesn't happen out of the blue. Men are not robots and not always everything is tied exclusively to an attractive picture. Sometimes it is difficult relationships that cause a powerful psychological barrier.

You are not interested in spending time alone with her.

It is clear that each of the partners should have independent leisure. This is generally sacred, which should not be encroached upon by anyone. Otherwise, there is a risk of getting bored with each other very quickly. But when you do everything not to spend time with your beloved, then you need to think about whether you are moving in the right direction at all.

First of all, a woman should be a friend and an interesting person. Relationships very well reflect your need for her. When everything is tied exclusively to sex or something else more mundane, sooner or later interest fades, and not just a cat runs between you, but a real bear.

If you don't feel like spending time with your girlfriend, there's probably a good reason for that. And it is worth understanding it, since the subconscious thus unambiguously indicates the presence of a problem in the relationship.

You don't want to talk to her or even listen to her.

Serious problem. Talks about a strong distance of partners. It is likely that you have completely different interests. Or are you for something strongly offended by her (or a woman at you). When a guy and a girl do not want to communicate heart to heart, the relationship really goes into the category of difficult and even painful. And what is the joy of being next to a person with whom there is nothing to talk about?

All plans for the future do not include the presence of a girl in them.

Let's say you don't see much of a problem. Well, live and live together. Even if it's out of habit. Everyone lives like this (this is the most popular phrase to justify a difficult relationship, right?). However, if you are planning something for the future and do not see your soulmate there, is everything really good with you? Or is there something that doesn't suit you? I advise you to think and look for problems that are somehow depressing in any way.

Regular quarrels turning into protracted tantrums and mutual claims.

I don't want to say that somewhere there are relations that are ideal like a spherical horse in a vacuum. Absolutely all couples swear and reconcile from time to time, especially during the period of mutual grinding. When every conflict develops into a global swearing, during which you remember all the mistakes up to the seventh knee, this is already something not too normal.

If a girl is constantly trying to hurt you harder, knowing full well where to “hit”, run, Forest, run. There is already frankly smacks of toxic relationships. And if you are also completely to blame for everything, then you apologize for a very long time, and even fulfill some wishes, there should be no doubt.

Most likely, the lady in this way simply receives moral satisfaction from your nerves, humiliation and desire to establish contact in any way. Yes, this is a difficult relationship, and specifically for a man. Unfortunately, there are now a lot of girls who assert themselves at the expense of guys (there are also men like that, but now this is not about that).

Presence of various manipulations by a woman.

Here I include the use of sex, children or something else to get the guy to do what the girl needs. To justify such a thing is clearly stupid. This is a clear sign that the relationship is not only unhealthy, but also dangerous for a man, especially psychologically. You are unlikely to be able to just relax and live for your own pleasure with such a partner. This is constant discomfort and strain.

Feelings of loneliness in a relationship.

It seems that the girl is nearby, is it still sad for you and it seems that no one understands? This is quite the case. Difficult relationships are complicated by the fact that there is practically nothing to complain about, but there is no happiness. The feeling of loneliness is the first sign that some adequate action is needed. Otherwise, there is a risk of getting such non-sour psychological problems.

Lack of mutual respect in a couple.

It can be expressed by unwillingness to compromise, ignoring requests, acting on the principle of “do not care about the result, just to spite.” When this begins to happen, you can safely classify your relationship as unhealthy. They certainly won't do anything good.

Lack of moral support.

When partners frankly do not care about each other's problems, it is extremely difficult to call it something good. Every day it will be more and more difficult for you to put a good face on a bad game. And is it even worth it? If for some reason you don’t want to support your girlfriend (most likely, there are reasons, for example, deep-seated resentment or betrayal on her part, which was once before), and she responds with mutual coldness, the relationship just gave an awesome crack.

Interest in other women.

He is rarely born out of the blue. Well, unless you are from a dog breed, to whom each time, purely out of sporting interest, give a new skirt, although at home with intimacy, in general, everything is gorgeous. When a relationship becomes problematic, interest in his woman, as a rule, rapidly fades. Because of this, thoughts about other girls appear. I won't say it's good, but it's a fact. If you caught yourself on such a thought, you must first deal with the existing passion.

What to do in a difficult relationship

There is no single advice and cannot be. Each situation must be considered individually. After all, when two adults decide to become a couple, it always involves a lot of grinding and mutual concessions.

So, you realized 100% that you got yourself into a difficult relationship. And the feelings have not faded away yet, and it is simply impossible to meet the girl on the same terms. What to do in such a situation? There are several options:

Break up.

The most logical finale, when “the top cannot, the bottom do not want”, in a word, there is simply no understanding in the couple. But this is not always easy. Difficult relationships are often accompanied by painful attachment of one or both partners to each other. It turns out that both of you are tormented, and there is not enough spirit to dot the “and”.

Why is it needed at all. Not all relationships can be corrected and transferred to the right comfortable channel for both people. Most often, in such a situation, one is satisfied with everything, and the second has to suffer. And if you are in the second position, it is unlikely that you will be able to explain anything to your soulmate. From her side, everything is fine. Toxicity doesn't work both ways.

If you are determined to break up, do not succumb to manipulation by the girl. She may claim that she loves madly and is simply unable to live without you. Some even manage to put pressure on pity with "inflammation of cunning" - imitation of heart attacks, etc. Be sure that this is a clear sign that you have an extremely toxic madam in front of you, who simply does not want to let go of a convenient victim. It doesn't really smell like love.

It is also necessary to leave (I would even say run) from a woman who begins to threaten suicide. An unstable psyche and a desire to get one's own in any way has not yet strengthened any relationship. Remember one thing. If you feel bad in a relationship, and Madame frankly demonstrates all the signs of a narcissistic selfish person who asserts herself at the expense of men, you need to part without a twinge of conscience. Believe me, your psyche will definitely thank you for this.

Talk from the heart.

There is an option that sometimes relationships become obsolete due to the statute of limitations. And it is very possible to revive them. To begin with, try to frankly communicate with the girl and tell everything as it is. Take note of her reaction. If she enters into a constructive dialogue, all is not lost. He will hysteria and throw household items - read the previous paragraph, everything is bad here.

Get ready that it will not be so easy to find a common language. After all, if it’s hard and difficult for you, then conveying this information to a person who has a completely different perception of the situation is, as a rule, extremely problematic. Men and women generally look at the world in completely different ways. Therefore, the conversation will certainly be long and ambiguous.

Try to change your attitude to the situation.

Try to understand what exactly is bothering you. It is likely that if you look at the relationship from a different angle, everything will fall into place. Sometimes we think that everything is bad. But in fact, these are just problems in another area. For example, lack of career growth at work, misunderstanding with parents and something else. The emotional background greatly affects the perception of relationships and a partner.

Just don't fit in with the person who naturally takes advantage of you. Most often, relationships become difficult precisely because of the partner. If a girl is trying in every possible way to remake you, does not accept, manipulates, and generally pays more attention to the financial side, most likely, the reason is precisely in her.

Try to mend the relationship yourself.

Difficult, but sometimes it works. Here you need to understand why you need it at all. If we are talking about strong feelings, try to take a more sober look at the situation and the person who is nearby. It is likely that you fundamentally do not want to notice something, which is why you suffer yourself.

Pulling the strap in one person oh, how difficult. If you're going to do it purely for the sake of the kids, or to maintain the appearance of a supposedly happy family in the eyes of others, then the sacrifice will be stupid and in vain. Believe me, the child is not a toy and perfectly feels the emotional discord in a pair of parents. When you feel bad, he won't feel good either. And to put the opinion of other people at the forefront is generally complete nonsense. Life is one, and you are going to suffer only so that relatives and friends do not say a bad word? Seriously? Isn't it funny yourself?

Difficult relationships rarely last long and are fruitful. More often than not, someone suffers from them. And if this time it was you who became the victim, I advise you to think ten times whether this particular (and any, in principle) woman is really worth suffering. No one owes anyone, and a healthy amount of selfishness is exactly what modern man sometimes lacks.

To be honest, I don't know why, but now the cult of sacrifice is in vogue. And in his network come across both girls and boys. Something from the category of "everyone suffers, and you endure." Moreover, why endure at all, no one can really explain. It's just the way it is in society.

But I still advise you to proceed from personal needs. Do you understand that relationships have become obsolete, and there is a woman nearby with whom you categorically do not see your future existence? Feel free to openly declare this and try to leave as peacefully as possible. Remember that it's always better than a cold war within an apartment. Good luck!