Courtship in the old days

The model of the relationship between girls and boys has been developed over the centuries. Almost every girl, with rare exceptions, had an honorary.

In the Russian village, the model of relationships between girls and boys has been developed over the centuries. She assumed that the girls and boys made up pairs that were called “playing”, “playing”, that is, that arose to spend “young time” together, and the girl and the guy in this pair were called “player” and “player”, “honorary” and “honorary”, “milyonka” and “milyonok”, “borrower” and “borrower”, “chaser” and “chaser”, “evening attendant” and “evening attendant”, etc. An ethnographer who collected information about the life of the peasants of the Kostroma province, defined the relationship within the couple in this way: “Every girl calls the guy who plays with her the most, who likes her the most, and he is the same to her, in other words,“ cute ”(Russian peasants. T. 1. C. 56).

The pairing process was based on local etiquette and accepted courtship rules. Usually village etiquette required that the initiative to create a couple come from a guy. It was considered “shameful” for a girl if she herself offered herself to honor, she could only try to attract the attention of the guys: dress “fashionably, nobly”, whiten her face, rouge her cheeks, darken her eyebrows, be moderately relaxed, cheerful, moderately modest - to look and behave in such a way that everyone would admiringly say: “Well, the girl, blood and milk”, “Walks like a pavushka is swimming”, “It will pass, so the ruble will give”. Girls had to accept with dignity the guys' attempts to win their sympathy and choose with whom to agree to "play".

“The goods are sold by the face,” says a Russian proverb. Girls considered attractive guys tall, with a full, ruddy face. The broad shoulders (“oblique fathom in the shoulders”), which spoke of strength, and blond curly hair were especially valued. They said about a handsome guy: “Curly, ruddy and cheerful”, and about a strong and healthy, but outwardly unattractive young man they said: “And the bear is healthy, but what should they do.” The girls also liked in the guys impudence, mischief, prowess, dexterity, that is, what was denoted by the word “smartness”: “You won’t get lost and you won’t fall asleep with such a guy.” The guy-uhar was called “knock-cheek and knock-knee”, others approvingly assessed his behavior: “Oh, yes, the guy, no one can be against him!” Sluggishness, sluggishness were perceived as a big drawback. The girl who was lucky to become an honorary uhar sang:

I didn’t think, I didn’t look forward to:

My-from a pretty desperate one. I love desperate people to death! I sew a reckless shirt: On the shirt there is an oblique collar. I do not regret nine buttons in a row. Nine tin buttons, Pretty-looking girls love.

The girl always gladly agreed to "walk" with a well-dressed, dapper guy who could play the accordion, sing and dance, was "polite and playful." At the end of the 19th century, guys who adopted urban fashion were popular with girls - they “got drunk”:

The frock coat is brand new on him, The boots are new with galoshes, There is a vest with a watch And a cuff with perfume, Russes curls with lipstick. On Ilya, the chain is on fire,

On Petrovich is silver, It burns out, He is talking about the girl.

Almost every girl, with rare exceptions, had an honorary (drilling, prihehenya). Naturally, prominent girls had more chances to create a couple with "pittenburs", the rest comforted themselves with the proverb: "It's good about the good ones, but we are good anyway." The girl, who “did not make” a player for herself, was subjected to ridicule from her own girlfriends, and from the guys who treated her with disdain, forgot her in games and fun. "Ostanitsa", "skidding" - they called her behind her back.

The conquest of the lady of honor

In a good, green garden The red girl's soul was walking. A daring good fellow saw: “Isn't that my fellow countrywoman riding? Isn't that diamond one of mine rolling around?"

Having chosen a girl "to his soul and heart", the guy proceeded to conquer her. The rules of courtship adopted in the youth environment required him to be careful in his actions: he had to behave extremely correctly both in public and alone with the girl. Any liberty at the stage of rapprochement of the playing couple could be perceived by the girl as an insult, an encroachment on her honor. The guy who chose a honorary woman for himself tried to catch her eye more often, meeting her on the street or at a gathering, politely greet, call by name and patronymic, say “pleasant words”, making it clear about his sufferings. In an old Vologda song, this is described as follows:

How Vanyusha walked and walked Along the street, Under the Paranino window Often looked, About Paranino's health

I often asked. - Teach, soul of Parany, How do you go to see you? Teach, soul of Parany, How to love you?

“While caring for a girl, a guy tries to give preferential attention to others when meeting with her. He takes off his cap or hat, bows briskly, tries to make her laugh with various jokes and jokes, such as: “You, Matryona, why are you emaciated in the manner of a priestly mare, it wouldn’t hurt to feed you a little sheep” - or: “Who is this Parashenka, you are so wonderful Did you give me a handkerchief? - "And whoever is nice to me, he gave it." “Who is he, your overseas prince?” “You will learn a lot, perhaps you will look like an old dog.” - "And this time your gentleman comes out like Volodya, in the manner of pickles!" At the same time, the guy takes advantage of the opportunity: either he pinches the girl he is courting, or he feels her elasticity and fullness ”(Russian peasants. T. 3. S. 454).

If the guy did not quite understand whether the girl was ready to become his honorary, he used well-known techniques in the village. The easiest way to find out was at a gathering. For example, a guy could call his chosen one through her girlfriend to the porch to talk with her on the street face to face. If they agreed, then they returned to the hut, already holding hands. You could also do this: come to a gathering, bow to the girls, walk around a little, giving them compliments, and then sit next to the one you fell in love with. In the village jargon, this was called "sit down at the spinning wheel" and meant a proposal to "be loved." After that, the “lucky” guy was supposed to immediately try to hug and kiss his passion in order to accurately find out her attitude towards himself. If the girl agreed to become his honorary, then she usually languidly brushed off the hugs: “I don’t want to live forever!”, “And what are you!” If the guy incorrectly assessed the situation, he could get a crack from an angry girl. The usual way to find out the girl's attitude towards herself was to take her place on the bench when she left the hut for a while or went to dance in a circle. Returning, the girl asked to free her place, and the guy demanded a kiss for this. If the girl liked the guy, she immediately kissed him and sat on his knees, if she didn’t like him, she drove him away.

There were many ways to flirt with a girl you liked. For example, at gatherings, a guy could, in the absence of his chosen one, sprinkle her tow with salt. And when she began to spin and moistened her hand with saliva so that the fiber twisted better, her fingers became salty. Her cry and indignation caused general laughter, and joyful spectators pointed to the joker. In Svyatki, when the girls went to the bathhouse or to the crossroads to wonder about the “narrowed-disguised”, the guy suddenly appeared in front of his honorary, grabbed her and dragged her to the squeal of her friends.

The formation of the game pair took place in front of the entire youth company. The whole flock of girls followed this process with interest, often actively intervening in it. The girls tried to help a shy girlfriend find a friend, or, conversely, break up, in their opinion, an unsuccessful couple, or console a girl whose parents did not like her boyfriend. The opinion of the girl group was brought to the attention of the entire youth team in a playful way at gatherings, festivities, cleanups, and gatherings. The approval of the emerging couple, for example, was expressed through the so-called refrains - short songs of love content. The song connected the names of the honorary and the honorary, wished them happiness and was a kind of guarantee of the longevity of their couple:

Ignasha walks on the floor, Sibirka is new to the floor, On the legs boots

With galoshes creak. The girls will ask - whose is this? Marya will say: “Ignasha is mine!”

Many choruses ended with the words: "If anyone - so bow down, if you don't like - turn away." In the Arkhangelsk villages, after singing the choruses, the girls asked the guy in exchange for a well-done deed - the girl “singed” to him - a gift:

You, perhaps, sir,

a song Red-green grapes, Already a ruble, or two, Or half a bucket of wine.

If he was stingy, then the girls tried to punish him with a song, the content of which, according to an eyewitness, was such that “he cannot even get into print because of his overly selective, purified and ear-cutting expressions” (Efimenko P. S. 1877. S. 133). If the girl's parents were dissatisfied with the player she chose, she could ask her friends for help:

My parents don't tell me anything,

They don't order anyone to hunt with, Ohohonyushki, I'm sick! Help me a little, My unbearable grief, Unbearable in strangers.

The girls, having learned about her grief, tried to correct the situation: for example, they came to Svyatki to her house in “Basque outfits” and sang the praise of the guy.

When the playing couple finally formed, the guy sent the girl a good gift - a “deposit”, without which their union was not considered valid. The deposit could be, for example, a spinning wheel, which he himself made, money, sweets. In the Vologda province, the deposit consisted of a pound of nuts, a pound of sweets, two pounds of "cheesy" gingerbread, and some money. The guy handed it either personally, or through the girl's friend, or through her neighbor. If the girl accepted the deposit and sent a gift - a pouch, a handkerchief, a belt with an embroidered inscription (for example: “I give whom I love” or “To my dear Ivan Dmitrievich from Daria Petrovna forever”), a ring, then this meant that she accepts his courtship and agree to be his honorary. The exchange of gifts was considered as the conclusion between a girl and a guy of a kind of contract, which was valid for one season. It could be extended for another season or terminated and get the right to choose another pair for next year.

Relationships within the game pair

I will pick a flower, I will pick a wreath On the head of a dear friend:

Wear, my friend, a wreath, do not compare! Love a girl, don't tell! Love a girl, don't cheat!

Relationships within the playing couple developed according to the model of relations between a wife and husband, adopted in a peasant family. The honorary played the role of the owner of the house, and the honorary was obliged to obey him. He could reproach her for a bad costume, force her to leave a gathering or a walk if he considered that she was behaving badly there and was giving too much attention to other guys, etc. The girl was supposed to have a “bow head, submissive heart zealously”: accept all his demands, do not be offended by angry words and try to fulfill all his wishes. The honorary and the honored woman had to help each other in difficult life situations. The guy defended his girlfriend and, if necessary, stood up for her honor, and the girl had the right to intervene in the crowd of fighting guys and shield her honorary from fists and clubs. Village etiquette did not allow the boys to pull her aside or beat her in this case.

During youth gatherings, the honorary and the honorary were always together, demonstrating to all those present their sympathy for each other. A researcher of peasant life in the Kargopol district of the Olonets province in 1875 wrote: “A bachelor and a girl sit opposite each other in a conversation every evening, and the girl considers it an insult to herself if the conversation partner does not sit down to her; likewise, a bachelor will be offended if someone other than him sits by his conversationalist. In short, a bachelor and a girl, having met, become inseparable both in conversation, and in the game, and on the road, when they leave the conversation, and at festivities, and holidays. During the festivities, they do not stroll, but stand, clinging hand in hand, against a wall or leaning on a railing, or a garden ”(Sokolov. P. 29). This rule was quite strictly enforced, and only in rare cases did a strange guy decide to invite someone else's “milk” into the game more than once or twice. Such an oversight could lead to a fight, which usually included the entire male part of the youth group.

Here, for example, what kind of story happened in 1897 in the village of Klepikovo, Vologda province, when one of the guys encroached on someone else's girl. A guy named Svistunov from the village of Fetinino was courting the Klepika girl Marya. He paid the local village guys for Marya a ransom and “from that time on,” as an eyewitness said, “he went to his dear Masha with impunity. Once he, as usual, came to a gathering in Klepikovo. At the gathering they played "hare" - One guy from the village of Brevnova, Ivan Mushnikov, played with his Marya. They lost the first “bunny”, but for the second, Svistunov wanted to “take” Marya, but Mushnikov warned and already took Marya. Svistunov did not like this, and he did not play “bunnies”. At the end of the "bunny" everyone sat down and talked to each other, eating sweets, gingerbread and nuts. Mushnikov continued to sit with Marya. The sitting began to disperse. Suddenly Svistunov runs out, dances and sings: “They won’t steal the Sun further. Siberia is our side... ”- which is a sign that the good fellow singing is going to beat someone off. And indeed, they had just gone out into the street when Svistunov ran into Mushnikov and hit him on the “head”, at the same time some of the Klepik robs ran in and also hit Mushnikov. Soon Mushnikov was knocked down and, having broken his head in three places with weights, they let him go home. It turned out that Svistunov had promised the Klepik boys a quarter if they "helped" beat Mushnikov. Soon Svistunov was also sent to Klepikovo, as a result of the fact that Mushnikov had made Klepikov's boys drunk. The latter did not bother Svistunov, and Mushnikov brought his village robs, and thus attacked Svistunov, who at that time was at the gathering only one from the village of Fetinina. After that, Svistunov began to look for how to “beat off” Mushnikov” (AREM, f. 7, op. 1, d 120, l. 24).

Honorary members constantly exchanged gifts, which confirmed the relationship established between them and served as signs of attention. Girls gave their suitors belts for accordions, buckles and ribbons for hats, pouches, belts, beaded jewelry that the guys attached to their clothes. For example, an eyewitness wrote about this custom in the Vologda province: “The hats of the guys are studded with threads of glass beads and beads, and something like a cockade flaunts on them in front: bright-colored flaps with a button in the middle. The entire shirt, collar, sleeves are trimmed with buttons. Buttons, glass beads and tassels studded the belt. Buttons and shreds on the legs of felt boots. All these are signs of affection for the guy of the girls ”(Skvortsov L. S. 39-40). On Christmas time, Shrovetide, Easter, Trinity, as well as on the days established by local tradition (for example, on autumn and spring prayers, on Monday or Thursday during Holy Week, etc.), the girls presented eggs to their honorees. On Easter week or on Trinity, the guy received from ten to fifty colored eggs from his honorary woman. The guys gave the girls spindles, candles, mirrors, soap. Sweets were considered the best gift: “bast bags” with “lampasier” (monpensier), chocolates in beautiful wrappers, nuts in sugar, gingerbread. The "lucky" guys treated sweets not only to their loved ones, but also distributed them in handfuls to all the girls.

Giving was an obligatory part of the relationship between a guy and a girl. If a girl “fell in love” with a guy, forgetting to give him gifts, then etiquette allowed him to ask or even demand a gift:

“- I’ve been visiting you for a long time, Masha, but you haven’t given me anything yet, come on money 1 p. 50 kopecks, and I’ll start going to you again, and if you don’t give it, then I won’t, what kind of guy will I be if I don’t get anything out of you, everyone gives me with my game, and you don’t even give me such trifles, so come on, Masha!

– Ladies, dear Vanya, ladies, on that Sunday get up early for matins, I’ll be waiting for you by the lavas” (LREM, f. 7, op. 1, d. 120, l. 24). If a guy forgot about gifts for a girl, then she could sing him such a song: sit next to the girl, You will sit next to the girl, I'll ask you: are there any gingerbread? If you eat gingerbread, I'll sit all evening, If there are no gingerbread, I'll drive you out of the conversation: You go, empty mug, from me, - More flamboyant than you picked up!

“Lyuba”

The guy asked the girl to kiss: - Come on, come on, girl, let's kiss!

Come on, come on red, let's kiss! What do you have, girl, sweet lips? - There were bees, they carried honey, and I took it. - What do you have, girl, in your bosom soft? - There were geese, they wore fluff, and I took it.

The game pair was formed in order, as the peasants said, to “love” - that is, to spend time, as we would now say, in erotic games, fun. Unwritten rules of etiquette determined the place and time of these amusements, as well as what was allowed and what was forbidden in them. "Lyuby", as a rule, arranged in their own circle so that parents and strangers would not see. It was considered the height of indecency to “love” in front of fellow villagers:

You, my dear, do not indulge: Do not kiss in public, Kiss me on the street In uncle's back street.

In spring and summer, when playing couples were still forming, “luby” took place in the forest, in meadows, on the banks of rivers and lakes, where couples retired after round dances and dances. In the autumn-winter time - at gatherings.

The eroticism of youth communication implied the simplest forms of physical contact: caresses, hugs, kisses, sitting on each other’s knees, walking “under the floor” - that is, clinging to each other, etc. Peasants, sharing memories of their youth, they said that at gatherings “in general, the only thing is that young people kiss. In the middle of the hut during the game, several couples kiss: some smiling, and some making an unpleasant grimace. On the bench, you see, secretly, hiding behind the blade of the spinner, the girl kisses the young man. At the pillar, which is supported in the hut by the raven pole, near the golbets, they again kiss and hug ”(quoted from: Aleksandrov V. A. S. 16). All youth games, round dances were accompanied or ended with kisses. Sometimes, after the dance, the girl was forced to kiss the guy as many times as "as ordered" by others. Among young people, kisses “with a tongue” and with a thin clattering sound were especially valued: “In a dark hut, when kissing couples are not heard and silence reigns around, this repeatedly repeated kissing squeak gives the impression of a mouse concert” (cited by: Morozov I. A., Sleptsova I. S. S. 367). In the old days, such kisses were called kissing (from the word “kid” - lip) and were not approved by the Orthodox Church, in contrast to a kiss with closed lips, which was considered as good wishes. But in the youth company, a guy and a girl who did not know how to “kiss” were considered not ripe for playing honorary and honorary. The guy was allowed to embrace his chosen one, “squeeze”, crush her breasts, put her hand behind the collar of her shirt and under the hem of her sundress. “Hot hugs” were also allowed during such youth entertainment as “bumping”. It was arranged either during Christmas time, or in a prayer before the Nativity Fast. Straw was brought to the gathering hut or to the threshing floor, laid out on the floor, the light was turned off and placed on the floor in pairs. Then one of the guys, closely clinging to his girlfriend, began to roll with her "head over heels" on the straw. The rest of the couples, waiting for their turn, spent time in kisses and hugs.

A common occurrence in the Russian village of the 19th century was the joint overnight stays of the honorary and the honorary, which for the most part took place in the autumn-winter time. They were called “dormitories”, “gasks”. After the end of the gathering, all the youth went to the hayloft, the attic of the gathering hut or to the bathhouse, and there, breaking into pairs, they went to bed: “Each guy chooses one girl for himself and focuses his attention on her. “To climb into someone else” is not allowed, otherwise there will be displeasure and even a fight between the guys, although a reservation must be made that such cases are rare ”(Russian peasants. T. 3. P. 201). Here is how such an overnight stay is described in one of the villages of the Kaluga province: “During the festive sleepovers, free treatment of guys with girls is allowed,“ they grab them by their little ones, ”in the words of one peasant, but this happens only in the dark, after fun, with a girl already chosen by a guy... After sitting until midnight, they put out the torch, and the guy in the arms of the girl chosen by him, goes to bed: “How to beat the sword”, allowing himself the above liberties, the guys and girls in the area observe chastity and do not have sexual intercourse: “Malinichka is like a cat they lick each other for themselves, and at the bathhouse at the adney ”” (Ibid., p. 201).

In many villages, it was considered quite acceptable for a guy to stay overnight with a girl even after the so-called sitting or housekeeping. Late in the evening, when everyone in the house was already asleep, the guy came to his honorary woman for a “sitting” and entertained her with a conversation while she embroidered and wove lace. If the parents went to bed in another room, then the guy, taking the opportunity, fit in with her on the bed "for the game." The girl invited the guy to housekeeping when her parents left home, and she remained in the house for the hostess. In the village of Fetinino, Vologda province, housekeeping went like this: “A girl left to housework... names several friends, chosen ones, and at the same time notifies her “chosen one” to come to the housekeeping. Thus, there is one guy at the housekeeping - a "playing" housekeeper. At housekeeping, refreshments are given - they drink tea and have dinner, and for dinner, the housekeeper also stocks up vodka for “her own”. During housekeeping, as well as at gatherings, the girls are engaged in weaving lace, and the guy plays the accordion and is kind to the housekeeper... During the courtesy, the guy sits on the girl’s knees, hugging her neck with one hand, running the other in her chest, the girl sings songs directed to him, inserting into the songs the name of the one sitting on his knees. Songs sing along and other housemaids. However, the guy does not disregard these latter, just as flirting as with the "game". Housekeeping ends after midnight, and the guy often stays overnight, going to bed near the girl” (AREM, f. 7, op. 1, d. 126, l. 4). Sometimes a guy's overnight stay with his sweetheart ended in his stampede when the girl's parents unexpectedly appeared. One Vologda guy said: “Once I found out that the girl with whom I loved was sleeping alone in a hut. I climbed up to her at night, climbed on the bed and lie down. Come at that time her father to sleep in the same hut and on the couch too. I am on the edge of the stove, she fell in the middle, and he was at the free edge. I lie there, not moving, and I think to myself: as soon as the old man falls asleep, the same one will now kick the hell out. Just show the old man something cold. He says to the girl: “Maria! Let me go closer to the stove, ”and she says:“ There is very little space here - there will be nowhere to fit. - "It's full of lies, let it go!" I see that I am unhappy; I don’t remember how I jumped off the rails, and even dralov ”(Ivanitsky N. A. 1890. P. 66).

In general, the nightly entertainment of young people was perceived by the village community as the norm of behavior, provided that the sexual activity of boys and girls did not turn into intimacy. A Kaluga observer of folk life noted: “Parents and elders turn a blind eye to gatherings and other too immoral entertainments, saying that young people have become“ freemen and nothing can be done about it ”(Russian peasants. T. 3. S. 452).

All these "loves" were considered by girls as a manifestation of sympathy on the part of guys. An eyewitness wrote: “Even grasping, lifting a dress, hugging, etc., are not considered offensive and reprehensible by girls, but they even brag about their parents in order to attract guys to marry them” (Ibid. Vol. 1. P. 464). A girl who refused erotic fun for any reason could be expelled from the youth company, which threatened to remain an old maid. At the same time, public opinion denied the girl the right to take the initiative in a love game. It was considered the height of indecency if she sat down on the guy's knees, would be the first to hug him, kiss him, unbutton his shirt collar. She had to pretend that the guy's too active courtship, too much liberties in handling, she did not like.

The model of erotic behavior of youth, created and approved by centuries of tradition, was aimed at relieving the sexual tension characteristic of youth, and at the same time preventing the occurrence of unwanted premarital sexual intimacy. Love games should be stopped if things went too far. The girl had to "watch herself", and the guy had to respect the girl's honor. A researcher of peasant life at the end of the 19th century wrote about it this way: “It is an honor for a girl to be chosen by a guy and in general to have a caretaker at gatherings, but to have a lover is not an honor, but a dishonor” (Ibid., vol. 1, p. 465). First of all, girls tried to fulfill this rule, for whom the loss of virginity before marriage was fraught with many troubles. The idea of ​​the need for boys and girls to observe premarital chastity dates back to the Orthodox concept of praising virginity and "pious asceticism." From the point of view of the Orthodox Church, intimate relations between a man and a woman are possible only in marriage and only if they are aimed at the birth of children. Accordingly, intimate relationships outside of marriage, sensual pleasures were designated by the word "fornication."

Treason

Does my dear friend There is no truth in a zealous heart. He says, he deceives everything, He gets me out of my mind: Am I the only one who loves him.

One of the unwritten laws of the game of honor and honor was to remain faithful to each other. In the youth environment, it was considered unacceptable if a girl repeatedly changed honorary during the season. The “traitor” girl was condemned even by her friends: they called her astray, they didn’t let her to a gathering, they didn’t invite her to games, they told everyone about her shortcomings. The girl's flock allowed the abandoned guy to punish his former lover at his own discretion: he could express his contempt for her in front of everyone, pull her by the hand or braid from the round dance, even beat her. The offended guy had the right to apply a more severe punishment to the girl who cheated on him: cut off her scythe, smear the gates of her house with tar or hang a cradle on them, thereby declaring that she was “an open pot” (that is, having lost her virginity). However, these actions were fraught with big troubles for the guy, since her father and brothers stood up to protect the girl's honor.

The girl, left by her honorary, should have tried to return him or punish him for treason. If the girl failed to return her beloved, then she received from her friends an unspoken permission to choose another.

The rules of conduct adopted in the youth environment did not allow her to openly fight for a guy. It was believed that the "broshenka" should not be imposed on the former honorary. Often in these cases, the girls turned to the help of magic. For example, it was necessary to take a handkerchief from a deceiver, with which he wiped sweat, and throw it into the fire with the words: “As sweat dries, so it would dry” (Russian conspiracies and spells, p. 136). They believed that if in early spring, when the frogs sing their love songs, take the frog in one hand and hold the hand of your dear with the other, then he will definitely return. This happy event will also happen if you give him a ball baked from dough with the addition of pigeon fat, and say: “As doves live among themselves, the servant of God would love me the same way” (Maikov L. N. S. 133). Having achieved his return, the girl had the right to immediately abandon the wrong one. This act was perceived as a restoration of balance - the deceiver got what he deserved.

The punishment of the guy for treason depended on the nature of the girl and the strength of feelings between them. Sometimes the girls were quite vindictive. A researcher of the life of the Kostroma peasants noted: “But woe to the gambler who will betray his gambler and begin to“ vandalize ”, that is, engage with another. The first gambler takes revenge on him, and does not think of any means ”(Russian peasants. T. 1. P. 70). Often a girl, feeling offended at her former honorary, tried to intimidate him, promising to bring damage. A Kaluga peasant woman said to a city dweller who did not believe in magic: “You don’t believe that they make love, but even in the song they sing:“ I was looking for those traces where my darling walked with me ”- so, they say, grandmothers are fortune-tellers and find traces the guy who fell out of love; they take out these traces and dry them little by little over the fire, of course, with a word, but nothing can be done without a word; the lad will become melancholy and begin to wither, like his footprint on the fire; that’s how they bewitch” (quoted from: Toporkov A. S. 25). Apparently, the threats from the girl were quite effective when the guy found out that the girl wanted to return him with the help of magic or, conversely, to avenge the offense. The rumor about this was spread by the girlfriends of the former honored woman. She herself could throw the words to him: “You will still remember me! I'll do it for you!" - or sing:

I'll dry my friend myself, I'll dry it up, crush it, I'm not potions, not roots, No frost I'll heal my heart, I'll dry it up without the red sun, I'll bury you, my dear, In a green garden, under a pear tree.

The boy, like everyone else in the village, who believed in the effectiveness of magic spells, began to constantly think about this threat. Oi recalled the gingerbread that the girl had treated him to, the kvass he had drunk from her jug, the lost handkerchief, that is, the objects that she could talk about, and under the influence of self-hypnosis and fear, she could really get sick.

However, the attitude towards cheating boys was still more loyal than towards cheating girls. If a guy got himself one more or even a few darlings, then they began to shame him, in some cases angry girls could sing a disapproving ditty to him, and the guy usually tried to “laugh and laugh”. The guy was punished with expulsion from gatherings and festivities only if he behaved towards the girls too unworthily and was known as the "destroyer of girlish beauty."

If the playing couple broke up as a result of infidelity, then the guy and the girl had to return gifts to each other: “Give me back, give me my Talyan plat, and take your zlachan ring for yourself,” the love song said. I'm not with potions, not with roots,

I'll heal my heart without frost,

I'll dry up without the red sun,

I'll bury you, my dear,

In the green garden, under the pear.

The boy, who, like everyone in the village, believed in the effectiveness of magic spells, began to constantly think about this threat. Oi recalled the gingerbread that the girl had treated him to, the kvass he had drunk from her jug, the lost handkerchief, that is, the objects that she could talk about, and under the influence of self-hypnosis and fear, she could really get sick.

However, the attitude towards cheating guys was still more loyal than towards cheating girls. If a guy got himself one more or even a few darlings, then they began to shame him, in some cases angry girls could sing a disapproving ditty to him, and the guy usually tried to “laugh and laugh”. The guy was punished with expulsion from gatherings and festivities only if he behaved towards the girls too unworthily and was known as the "destroyer of girlish beauty."

If the playing couple broke up as a result of treason, then the guy and the girl had to return gifts to each other: “Give me back, give me my Talyan plat, and take your zlachan ring for yourself,” the love song said.