Carter Lowe Creator, entrepreneur, and self-care advocate
Reading time: 17 min

Bored in a relationship: what to do for a girl and a guy

Life is not a delicious apple pie to keep you happy all the time. When it gets boring in a relationship, it's natural and a lot of couples go through it. Everything is relative. When everything starts for you, life seems bright, rich, you are happy from the mere fact that a partner exists in this world, you catch a buzz from each other, even from an elementary smile, gesture and kiss. But there are always periods in life when happiness is replaced by sadness, and joy is replaced by boredom.

It is normal to be unsatisfied in a relationship from time to time. Another thing is when it turns into a constant feeling of rejection, irritation, when you break down on each other for almost no reason. Then the issue really needs to be resolved and as quickly as possible, because otherwise your relationship will not just fall apart - you will be offended by each other so much that it will be impossible to make peace.

First, ask yourself if you want to continue your relationship, or if it has run its course. We will start from the fact that we want to restore and strengthen relations. Then we will think about how to revive them, how to have fun and what to come up with new things to bring passion back to life.

Go on a trip

The most standard advice and the most effective. Despite the fact that everyday life devours all the good, all the novelty, if relationships are dear to you, you don’t need to focus only on the bad, try to agree and go on vacation together to see each other in other circumstances.

  1. You can look at your woman from the outside, not sitting in the kitchen waiting for a hot dinner while she pores over the stove, but when she is fresh, relaxed and happy with life.
  2. In addition, a change of scenery is always inspiring, inspiring, and these sensations will help you to feel again this connection, which, it would seem, was lost.

By the way, it is absolutely not necessary to go to the peninsula for big money. You can simply sign up for an excursion or go to a neighboring city, stay at a hotel and just walk for a few days without planning anything, just exploring the surroundings.

Muhammadh Saamy, Unsplash

Invite a girl on a date

Of course, you need to invite not just any girl, but your own. After all, you are bored in relationships, and at the same time you want to save them, right? Try asking out on a date in some unusual way:

  • for example, put a note in her jacket for her to read on her way to work or while there.
  • you can also come up with any other option. Leave a magnet on the fridge or a note with hearts and words about how you love her and are waiting tonight there and there in such and such clothes.
  • Try hosting a gourmet dinner at home if you can't spend time at a restaurant. But the fact is that the cost will be about the same, and a change of scenery works much better than dinner at home. But if you try, then she will appreciate your efforts and even a home date will become a confirmation of your sincere feelings and love for the girl.

By the way, now, during the pandemic, a home visit is the most relevant option due to the situation in the country.

Attending workshops and art parties

Due to the fact that most people live in a setting reminiscent of the film Groundhog Day, many holiday and other event organizers arrange things such as master classes and Art parties to somehow dilute the gray everyday life.

This idea is quite interesting and not so expensive that you cannot afford it. During various master classes, you can learn something new, which is very useful for any person, and many psychologists have proven that joint activities bring people together. Therefore, master classes are a combo in terms of the fact that you and a girl can both learn something and get closer, while having a good time.

As for art parties, these are events where you come to the studio, they pour wine for you, and you draw some simple picture, having a nice conversation and relaxing as much as possible.

The purpose of such parties is also to bring people together, unite them and show that it is possible to have a very good time together, even if you think it is not. The most important thing is to choose what you both like. After the master class, you will have topics for discussion, and joint gatherings and conversations will definitely bring you closer.

Preillumination Seth, Unsplash

Go for a photo session

Of course, you can take pictures at home, but nothing can replace cozy decorations and warm the atmosphere that arises during a photo session.

As a bonus, you will receive professional photos that can be hung in the apartment, and they will remind you that you love each other and that you have something to lose, and therefore it is best to take care of your relationship.

In addition, during the photo shoot you can look at your girlfriend from the side and notice how attractive she is, and that you can somehow revive the relationship so as not to be bored, but spend time together. She might think the same.

Walking after work

What do we usually do after work? We come home and bury ourselves in our phones, or in computer games. Guys usually do it. As for the girls, they go to the kitchen and start preparing dinner. Of course, this does not happen for everyone, but despite the modern world, women still stand at the stove and consider it their duty, while the man lies and is content with the result.

Try to help your loved one, and then go for a walk. Or order food to take home, since you're not used to helping cook. Try not to let everyday life take away precious time that you can spend on each other.

You can walk anywhere. It is not necessary to go to some entertainment center. The nearest square or park is perfect. So you can be together so that technology does not interfere with you, talk to each other, ask how the day went, make some plans, or just silently walk together holding hands.

Misunderstood Whiskey, Unsplash


When bored in a relationship, some extreme sport can help you cheer them up sharply and strongly. This is not necessarily skydiving, there are different options, from rafting to bungee jumping. It's important that you do this together, as this type of entertainment will raise your adrenaline levels and it will spice up your relationship so you'll have enough for a while.

Playing sports together

“Oh sport, you are life!”. When you realize that you are incredibly bored in a relationship, unload your head from the constant winding up about how bad you are and get on with something.

It's better to do something together. The best option is to sign up for a gym and go there every day. No, this does not mean that you need to kill the rocking chair every day. You can just swim in the pool nearby, on the adjacent paths. You can also run, ride an exercise bike, or bike while walking. Playing sports improves your mood and you will be more interesting with each other, you can discuss training programs, and also a nice bonus is that your body will improve and you may inflame passion for each other.

Graham Mansfield, Unsplash

Try reading romance novels together or separately

Read a good romance novel and see how strong the feelings of the characters are, what they go through to be together. Perhaps this will teach you to appreciate what you have and boredom will pass. Of course, it is not a fact that this will happen, but when you read a novel, at that moment you focus on what is happening in the book, you try on the situations and the relationships of the characters on yourself, on your partner, and you may want to somehow change your life to bring romance into the existing order, which has long been boring

Look at how you look

Very often, during long-term relationships, people begin to get used to each other and literally forget about themselves the words. For example, you may notice that if your girlfriend used to prepare for a meeting with you, did beautiful makeup, styling and put on a dress, now she walks in unchanged jeans, T-shirts and sneakers.

Of course, this does not mean that she has to put on a dress and make up for you every day. After all, a relationship is all about making you feel comfortable with the person. But this does not mean that you need to relax and stop thinking about how you seem to your partner. If your girlfriend wears a delicate and flowing silk shirt instead of the usual old T-shirt of size 50, then it is possible that at least in the sphere of intimacy you will not have problems in the form of boredom.

The same applies to you, if you decide, for example, to grow a beard, and the girl does not like it, then reconsider your priorities, because you do not live alone. The girl may just be uncomfortable or the beard is too prickly, and therefore she does not want to kiss you. And also pay attention to the fact that if you wear stretched sweatpants, then this does not contribute to inciting passion. Well, if you are not working (on yourself and in general), then it is not surprising why you are bored in a relationship.

Try to have a constructive dialogue

This means that you should sit down and calmly discuss everything that you do not like about each other and why you are bored. Reading advice on the Internet is, of course, the first thing that comes to mind, because no one wants to enter into an open confrontation with their partner, but these tips may not help, and sometimes even harm.

Therefore, you must first find out what exactly is happening and why you become bored. Only then will you be able to find a good option on how to diversify your life. Perhaps you need to spend more time alone. Just don’t get used to it too much, otherwise you just won’t want to return to the relationship later.

During the conversation, you need to consider that your girlfriend is not your slave, not your enemy, and not your mother. You must respect her tastes, her hobbies and not try to forbid her to do what makes her happy. After all, you are not a bad cop who punishes people because they break certain rules that can only be in your head.

Brooklyn, Unsplash

Don't yell while talking, ask more questions, and most importantly, listen to the answers. The ability to listen to your woman is a 90% guarantee that everything will be fine with you. Because women usually talk quite a lot, and when something goes wrong, they, unlike men, do not withdraw into themselves, but express dissatisfaction with him.

The only pity is that men are used to ignoring this as white noise, and therefore nothing good comes of it. People just don't hear each other. Wish to hear her and open your heart to meet her words, emotions and express yourself.

Why does it usually get boring in a relationship?

1. We demand too much. High expectations can have a huge impact on your life. You may think that your girlfriend is a mother heroine or a goddess or whatever, but she is who she is and can be who she is. Normal, simple, with its pluses and minuses.

If you do not accept this, then over time, when rose-colored glasses fall off you, then you can be very disappointed simply because you have come up with a certain image for yourself that the partner should match, but it does not match. And that's okay. It’s not normal to just expect what you want for her, but what she doesn’t want.

2. Concealment of emotions. If every now and then you catch yourself thinking that you again suppressed the desire to speak out, you are afraid to swear, or to say something that will go against the opinion of your woman, then everything will come to the fact that you will be bored in a relationship, and then everything will come to naught.

3. Perhaps you are a boring person on your own. And it’s not at all about relationships, not about your partner, and not about “everyday life”. If you are used to being bored and always dissatisfied with life and relationships, then it is useless to complain that you are bored in relationships. The problem is that you are always bored and relationships have nothing to do with it.

4. You want the best, but it turns out, as always. Perhaps your "what's best" doesn't match your idea of ​​what's best for your partner.

Maybe she thinks differently, but doesn't tell you about it, or you fight about it. Don't forget that if you're only focused on family, childbearing, and work, you'll probably get bored in relationships very soon because you've forgotten about the person. People cannot be happy if they do not experience emotions. As a result, your woman begins to look for these emotions elsewhere, and you will regret that you did not think about it sooner.

5. Recycling. Perhaps you spend too much time at work, or devote too much time to sports or some of your hobbies. As a result, you have no strength left to invest in relationships, and of course they suffer from this. It becomes boring with you, because you are practically not at home. All this will lead to what is written in the previous paragraph.

Marina Abrosimova, Unsplash

Saving the drowning is the work of the drowning themselves

If you get bored in a relationship, no one except you yourself won't fix.

It would seem that there may be a situation when you seem to be happy, more or less love each other, you even surprise her sometimes, she cooks everything she can for you. What then happened? What is the problem?

Maybe you both regret the choice you made and now understand that you don’t want to live your whole life with such a person. You are bored and you are just afraid to say so as not to offend her, because she is a good person.

A good person does not mean your person. And the more time you spend being silent and unable to say that you no longer want to continue the relationship, the more you will get stuck in it, get involved in it, and over time it will be much more difficult to leave.

If you are bored in a relationship right now, then start doing something to revive it, otherwise everything will be destroyed, and you will continue to live out of habit, like two boring and uninteresting people.

What to do? Dive into a new relationship is risky, because if you are bored now, then where is the guarantee that you will not be bored with another partner. In this case, it is better to first try to save what is, and when you have done everything, tried all the options and it does not lead to anything, then you can try to look for something else.

Most likely, you have been together for more than a year, and therefore you are not ready to destroy everything like that abruptly. Knowing your partner will help you find a way out. If you know what she loves, what she fears and what she dreams about, then you already have many trump cards that you can use to kindle the dying fire of your feelings. And most likely, your feelings have not disappeared, but simply faded away, and you feel some kind of kinship, habit, but there is no former passion.

!7Think about what will happen if this person is no longer in your life. Can you live normally and function without suffering or going crazy without him? If yes, then you probably don't need to save anything. If not, then you will have to think and decide what you will do in order to save your feelings.

If you can be spontaneous, then this is a great solution for reviving old emotions. The fact is that a spontaneous person comes up with something so unusual that it can change his mood in an instant.

Maybe that's what you're missing. If something wild, but interesting in your opinion, comes to your mind, implement it immediately. Of course, try to keep within the budget so that later you do not have a conflict about the fact that you spent everything. Do what you wanted to do and make her happy in any way. Who knows, maybe this one of yours will save your relationship.

In all the advice that has been presented above, there is something that means newness.

A change of scenery, a move, a trip, a date at a restaurant, going to the cinema, or going for a walk are all new because you are changing the environment. All this brings something interesting and unusual to life.

Miley Moore, Unsplash

By the way, many psychologists advise you to come up with little household traditions, code words and something that only the two of you will know. For example, you can have something interesting for breakfast, and this will become your tradition. Or maybe you will walk every day before going to bed. Find a song for yourself, let it be yours and let each of you associate it with each other.

I mean that usually boredom is a symbol of the fact that you are not attached to each other. That is, you can live together, but do not experience any special emotions about this. You are physically close, but in your thoughts you are very far from each other and that is why you are so lonely.

If you are not used to talking to each other and sharing thoughts, experiences, then most likely nothing will help you and the relationship will fall apart. Talking is what is needed in any case to solve any problems. But of course, if you talk alone, she sits on the phone or just pretends to listen, then nothing will work.

Feeling safe as a couple is very important. If you communicate as alienated as possible, or even completely silent, then what kind of security can we talk about. And there is no need to talk about reliability either. In this case, security means that you can share with your partner without fear of being ridiculed and you always know that you can get support.

If you understand that you are bored in a relationship, try to remember that one of the main properties of our psyche is the constant dissatisfaction with what we have. Otherwise, we would have neither the motivation nor the desire to become better.

Boredom and routine arise in everyone, moreover, they must sometimes be present in life and it is not necessary to run headlong after a new partner to get rid of this routine. Because there, most likely, the same story will arise. Teach your psyche to overcome stress and emerge victorious from the situation.

Do your best to find something that brings you together and reminds you of the importance of being someone you love and appreciate. And only if the two of you are bored of each other, and no one wants to talk, decide something and act, then only then it makes sense to part and go in search of a new person who will share with you your loneliness, your happiness, illness and everything else.