Acquaintance by phone

Getting to know each other over the phone, through ads, is like playing Russian roulette. There are chances to meet a normal girl, but...

The background of the question is as follows. In 1998, I gained the long-awaited freedom, and the problem of loneliness confronted me in all its immensity. I knew for a long time that the most successful scheme of acquaintance is on the street (or in transport), but I quickly became convinced that for me personally it was not entirely unacceptable. Acquaintances in crowded places did not appeal because of the too large number of outside observers. That is, you approach the person you like at the sight of many curious eyes, in which it is easy to read a reasonable, in general, question: will he be able to meet or not, and if so, how, and if she refuses, then in what forms will she do it, well, in general, how the girl will react to these shameless harassment... I don’t know why, but I didn’t really want to arrange a free theater for the population. However, it also happened that the girl turned out to be so stupid that it became unclear why I started all this, and indeed what I was born for. Fools after all are such that you risk completely losing faith in humanity. In addition, the type of girls that I have always liked, for some reason, does not really like meeting people on the street. And one more thing - I noticed that for some reason, only hardened persons immediately call the landline number (if at the same time she hides hers, you won’t have to wait for a good one). Super-interested virgins themselves give their number. And ordinary girls follow the ritual: they call a cell phone, give their landline, and let the guy call them back. It seems to them that in this way they can avoid the impression of obsession on the one hand, and secrecy on the other.

It was then that the idea of ​​dating through an ad came to mind.

At that time I did not own the material at all. I didn’t know about the existence of special magazines, I didn’t even know about Internet dating. And so, to begin with, I went to the only newspaper known to me, 'From Hand to Hand', studied all the filings there for three months, and chose the most interesting, in my opinion, ads - both men (in order to learn how to write my own in the future), and and women. There were about a hundred of these latter; their further ‘processing’ took about a month. I will not tell about all this; I will only note that I managed to get in touch with about half of the ladies who submitted the ad, and in all cases the most severe disappointment awaited me. Seekers of happiness were a little different from what they wrote about themselves in the ads - or rather, not at all. They lied resolutely on all counts - to be honest, I have never seen anything like this before. Sometimes it seemed that they were lying just like that, out of sporting interest... Well, something needs to be explained! And then I realized that trying to find someone by looking through ads, and even without a phone, is a deaf number. In addition, something humiliating seemed to be in all this - to write and beg yourself: “well, please get to know me, because I’m good.” You should have heard with what a lazy voice they spoke! If only you knew how casually they sent nafig! Then wouldn't it be better to make them call and ask to get to know each other themselves - and then I'll casually send them? And I decided to take a chance.

The first ad was printed in the newspaper 'Hand to Hand', and not even in the dating department (where an ad with a telephone always cost a lot of money), but in the 'Private Messages' section. Why with a phone? - you ask. Yes, because correspondence is an incredibly tedious business: every time you need to write something, buy envelopes, go to the post office, wait for an answer like a nightingale of summer... The most important thing is that after thinking about it, I came to the conclusion that I would definitely lose here. Where is the guarantee that they will send their own, and not corrected, photo? Where is the guarantee that the letter will be written by the lady herself, and not by a council of a dozen of her friends? And in general... It seemed to me that by live communication you can understand who you are dealing with. I didn’t even guess then how serious this science would turn out to be and how many subtleties would be gathered in all this. Still, try to make a complete portrait only according to the intonations of speech... As for 'lighting up' your home phone, in this sense the author has always been a risky person. Champagne and all. And then I drank it.

I had to disguise a dating ad as a regular message. This was my very first 'pancake'. This 'pancake' was about the fact that, they say, the girl with whom we talked about life and fate on such and such date, I ask you to call on such and such a phone - they say, to continue the meaningful communication. It was obvious that there would be others who wanted to talk - it was only necessary to arrange the matter in such a way that the callers did not experience embarrassment. By the way, I succeeded in all this... So - one of the callers was a guy of about thirty. At first I wanted to hang up. But something held me back - and we started talking.

He was a peculiar man. He suffered from terrible insomnia. His nerves were so upset that he could not sleep at all if anyone else was in the apartment. He did not work anywhere - he was retired. He didn’t particularly like books, he practically didn’t watch TV... However, he had one serious hobby to which he devoted all his strength - meeting women.

In this he decisively surpassed everyone. Not God knows what a handsome, not intellectual and practically impoverished man regularly found good girls for bed, and sometimes they were very pretty girls. By that time, he had been conducting all this stormy activity for more than five years. It is curious that the guy had a very clear division of women - on the same basis as so many men. But in everything related to dating women, he, as they say, 'ate the dog'. He met only by phone and knew how to keep up a conversation very well - which is absolutely necessary in this genre. He also had a certain sense of humor...

Of course, he also had his excesses. What would you say if you saw a structure consisting of hundreds and hundreds of strips of telephones connected by a huge paper clip, each of which had the name and a brief description of the one who called - all this in order to prevent the possibility of re-contact? In all his life, the guy had only one affair, and with a written beauty, who, apparently, very seriously 'sunk' on him. He hated women fiercely, for any reason he was terribly annoyed with the poor ‘applicants’; claimed that they were good for nothing but bed; called them nothing more than ‘piss holes’ – and now I am ready to admit that the experience of dating by ad may well lead to a similar conclusion. In this sense, he can only be surpassed by the experience of creating a personal site, where you turn inside out in your own works...

It was easy to communicate with him. The owner of that (with which for some reason others associate masculinity) a very common 'set' was not guessed in him: classic rudeness, pathological insensitivity, primitive arrogance, as well as characteristic stupidity in everything related to personal relationships... In a word, my acquaintance turned out to be Surprisingly mentally subtle and in a good way insightful, there was in him both cynicism and some causticity. However, why be surprised? ‘Whoever lived and thought cannot but despise people in his soul…’ As for cynicism, the topic itself is very predisposing… In total, we talked with him for 5-6 months. Then, of course, we stopped.

In addition to the fact that it is better to get to know each other over the phone - this gives the procedure the necessary dynamism, my new acquaintance realized that you need to go from how a woman communicates - to her appearance. But not vice versa.

Here we mean the following. There are two ways to get acquainted by ads. You can collect heaps of photos with phones, choose the most interesting ones, and call them, choosing “not stupid”. Usually everyone does this (for example, getting acquainted on the Internet). And even from the very beginning they demand: they say, I won’t answer without a photo. It is not difficult to see that in this case they follow the easiest path - that is, the most deceptive one. And then they are upset that they still can’t get to know each other, that they all come across some kind of goats...

But there is another, much more intricate way. You can collect a bunch of phone conversations (that is, numbers), choose among them what you need, and then look at the photo (or actually meet), choosing “non-freaks”. So - the second way is much more effective. Saves time and nerves.

It was this wise man who taught me the general principles of writing a telephone ad. We parsed my texts, analyzing them to the last detail (however, they also analyzed his texts). For five years, a new acquaintance of mine tried various ad options and could tell what the consequences would be from each entered word, almost from each new comma. Let's say he inserted such a word - and immediately ladies of such and such a category are added to the stream of callers, and they can be recognized by such and such keywords at the very beginning of the conversation. And our anchorite knew how to model this flow.

Here's roughly how it's done. If you put in the text ‘I’ll meet a Muscovite’, then girls from both the Moscow region and nonresidents who are currently working in Moscow will call. These latter also, for the purpose of acquaintance, boldly consider themselves to be Muscovites. If now we write ‘only with a Muscovite’, then almost certainly 60% of all those who intended to call ‘Moscow Region’ will be eliminated, but only 10 percent of those from other cities (and this is because they are generally more stubborn and aggressive). If you put 'I'll get acquainted only with a native Muscovite', then now 90 percent of the 'Podmoskovye' will be cut off, 60 percent of visitors, but, paradoxically, 20-30 percent of native Muscovites, who will either start to think that you yourself are a visitor who wants to to register with them (I was asked about this directly), or, paradoxically, they will suspect that you are too picky in women, and such picky is always alarming or even scary... So, as a result of the last phrase, out of all those who called, you will get 50% of Muscovites, 40 % of visitors and 10% of girls from the Moscow region... C'est la vie!

The same goes for age. Put the words ‘I’m looking for a girl 25-29 years old’ in the ad - and both girls from 20 and after 37 will inevitably call you, who will immediately declare that they ‘look only at 29’. And they always added: ‘Everyone tells me that’. As if they had never heard how a compliment is built... They will also certainly say something about 'unspent energy' and 'youth at heart', without even realizing that young people don’t say just such things...

If you put 'only until 25', then 17-19-year-olds will also call. If you do 'only up to 20', then some of the 17 and 18-year-olds will immediately 'cut off', as they will take you for a pedophile... In general, there are many such subtleties, and it is strange that most men do not take them into account in their ads. Well, how unreflective their experience is! Well, if you get acquainted, then you need to connect your male brains to this; if they are not there, then you should engage in masturbation...

Frankly speaking, I don’t really want to tell about the first four days of my ‘telephone epic’. I'm just ashamed of myself. It’s a shame, you know, to remember how I ran on 4-5 dates a day... How I dangled from end to end all over Moscow... How some of the ladies didn’t come at all, and only then I was able to find out why: they dressed differently than they described themselves, then they came, looked at me shamelessly - and disappeared without apologizing and without even showing up. It turned out that this is a common practice...

I don’t want to mention those who came at all. About how the terrifying impudent scum told me that ‘if a man likes a girl, then he should take her to a good restaurant’ — and painfully wanted to yell heart-rendingly and yell: ‘But who said that I like you?’; yell, however, also in horror... About how a creature with an angel-like voice and soul, upon closer examination, turned out to be a fat stupid cow in a bright red fur coat, which immediately began to brag that she had lived with a real killer for more than a year... About some shabby girls with a Tambov accent and the faces of local milkmaids who showed up for a date with the three of us... I can only say that in these miserable four days I studied a whole encyclopedia of human dishonesty, stupidity and meanness. The new acquaintance laughed with satisfaction, recalling my own words that women cannot be as bad as he describes them, and in general - you should try to trust people...

Looking ahead, I will say that it is not difficult to find out by phone, whether the caller is pretty or not. There are two ways to do this. First, the easiest - you just need to start a conversation about dating. Here, they say, I don’t know how to get acquainted on the street... But how do men usually get acquainted? What do you need to say to make it happen? Here the girl suddenly proudly begins to feel like a wise mentor of an inexperienced boy... 'How do men usually approach, what do they say?' guessing that while scolding certain features of men, he betrays himself with his head). Then you can ask with playful jealousy how often they get to know her - well, sort of like checking the extent of her experience. In such cases, they either answer truthfully or stutter in a characteristic way.

So: if they approach her at least a couple of times a week, then the lady is very personal. In my opinion, this is the most interesting 'option'. More often than not, she's even prettier. If too often, ten times a day, then she either lies, or is so spoiled by the attention of men that the conversation can not be continued: most likely, she called out of ordinary female curiosity (or just wanting to make sure that her charms are working on the phone). By the way, in this case, it may turn out to be something else: the lady has something in her manners (or in her soul, which is the same for women), which makes her - how should I put it? - promising for men. Easily accessible, or something...

But if they approach her less often... then she will stumble. Or he will report that he never meets on the street. Or he will declare that he does not like to talk about this topic. Then everything is clear with her... And this is what is clear: either she is not only not attractive outwardly, but even lacks some specific charm, that elusive femininity, which, in fact, makes us fall in love crazy and consider her chosen one the most beautiful in the world. light. As a rule, even the rudest men smell this charm with their nose... But there may be another option: the girl is so serious, she expects such an attitude towards herself that it is also immediately felt, and discourages the most, alas, numerous category of men. Oddly enough, but such persons also call on ads. But do they find... In addition, an ugly girl on a straight line (and, frankly, not quite decent) will often answer the question about her appearance: 'if we meet, you will see for yourself', 'to whom - how', 'I like myself ', and so on in the same vein.

In any of the above cases, we get what we want. Women are so fond of talking about “life topics” that in most cases all these hidden tactics are not noticed. Perhaps the subconscious is telling them that men simply cannot be so quirky and insightful...

And, finally, the second way, for, so to speak, 'advanced users'. You need to listen carefully to the conversation of the caller. If her phrases slip through - 'appearance is a matter of taste', 'the most important thing in a person is the soul and character', 'usually I don't care how I look', or something like that, then in terms of appearance she almost certainly not God knows what. And it is possible that in the sense of character too (female character, as a rule, is directly related to appearance). In addition, beautiful girls almost always speak with some special, deep confidence in their voice; you just need to learn how to isolate this particular overtone. For example, excessive external self-confidence in the voice, reaching right up to hardness, in addition to external unattractiveness, almost always also indicates a bad character. She can be different, female confidence is something... On the other hand, a girl can be very pretty, but for some reason she is notorious, and then something different will sound in her voice. Meet such a girl, invest a little mental work, save her from complexes - and you will get this...

So, cruel reality hit me with a face on a table. It was necessary to do something in order to save both my personal time (experience suggested that I still couldn’t keep up with more than 6-7 dates a day), and my own soul from the final anger at the sinful human race... Time passed, flywheel telephone acquaintances were gaining a threatening pace, and the number of calls grew exponentially every day... Involuntarily, I had to seriously think about both the 'calculation' of all the horrors even on a telephone conversation, and the actual text of the ad. He, and it was he, had to get rid of the repetition of those passions-faces that had already been experienced. My friend, moreover, repeated that these horrors, alas, are endless in their variations...

By that time, the newspaper ‘First Hand’ had just appeared on the market. It was possible to publish rather large ads with a telephone in it. We compiled our ads together, discussing certain details of the text along the way. I should still note that the guy also learned something from me... We compared the phones of the women who called us. I’ll note right away that since our goals were completely different, the same phones, to the credit of the girls who called, almost never met - in the latter case, we both crossed them out triumphantly, finding out along the way in what tone the lady spoke to each of us. It was a real brainstorm. It even got to the point that they exchanged phone numbers:

- Listen, I have 21/164/46 here, my name is Ekaterina, Sagittarius, from the Moscow region, she graduated from the courses of assistant secretaries, now she does not work. Will you take? - Does she smoke? — Yes, and a lot. - It won't. But I have for you an intellectual from MGLI, 19/168/56, but she is with a three-year-old child. - And she went to hell. - Exactly...

We came up with a formula by which the transfer of the phone was carried out. You just call and say to the lady: ‘One of our mutual acquaintances told a lot about you and I begged for your phone’. And to annoying questions - who is he? - you can always say that, they say, it’s not about him, but about me, and in general I’m going to interest her in my personality (however, as a rule, such a need didn’t arise anyway)... Taking into account the general obsession of women with dating, we can assume that they will prefer an interesting acquaintance to the interests of truth. By the way, some still hung up…

The most valuable thing that I got from communicating with a new acquaintance is a list (of 30 names) of those criteria by which unsuitable 'candidates' are 'rejected'. I confess honestly - the very idea immediately led me into an indescribable delight. As a result of our joint communication, the list has grown to fifty items. Well, I wrote the rest on my own, based on subsequent experience...

To be honest, I myself don’t know what made me take up this stupid topic. For several years, in addition to my main job, I was engaged (as a hobby) in the purely theoretical problem of finding true love for any advertisement in general: paper, magazine, network... Is this possible in principle and what are the psychological and other obstacles to that? Why does the existing ‘intermediary’ (that is, a certain carrier with our text) make the very probability of such an acquaintance minimal? How to get around this problem, and what is the psychological mechanism of dating by ad in general? So: at the same time, something inside me itched all the time: ‘Write about the signs, Cat, write. Your experience should not be lost. He must be needed by someone. There was only one way to end this stupid itch...

Of course, at first there was no certainty that it would be possible to verbally convey the very drearyness of this genre of dating. But gradually the text grew; each sign has become, in fact, a small independent essay. Since the reading public immediately smelled this shade of 'dream', some ideas from my main work were added as separate chapters to the text for their entertainment. So that they don’t “suffocate” at all.

Now, when preparing this text, I found an old notebook, searched through all the notes that I kept during the period of acquaintance through an ad, found this list (so it remained in outline) and completely reworked it. At that time, in order not to get confused, I always made a brief summary of the conversation, highlighting the most significant points along the way. This was extremely necessary - after all, an interesting person can slip at any moment, and after it - a few dozen more people, and later it was almost impossible to remember what they were talking about. You can still somehow remember the conversations with the first dozen callers, but what do you want to do next? In addition, there was no need to load one’s own memory with such low-value material - and it was of low value par excellence, par excellence... So, if you later want to call someone who interested me, then such an outline would be simply necessary. Experience showed, however, that it was possible to call back no more than 1 time in 2-3 days, that is, only one interesting girl came across for a good hundred callers...

And now it was funny to re-read the then my remarks in the margins: 'a joker, coughs', 'talks about a Real Man', 'says that she identifies herself with a lapdog', and even such: 'unconsciously afraid to fall in love', 'Her intellect has a compensatory-neurotic nature: she understands abstract truths, but not other people and not yourself. Records of this kind appeared later, when I became utterly skilled in this matter... Of course, against the name of each caller there were brief characteristics of her: age / height / weight, horoscope sign, place of work (study), main hobbies...

It should be noted here that both the content of all the 'points' set out below, and their very order depend both on the person himself and on the goals that he sets when meeting. To explain my own goals, I’ll note that for me, a man well over thirty, by that time it was somewhat tedious to look for a girl for one night, and even on an ad. Those are usually in the set and without any special search. And also - it’s not clear why, but physically I couldn’t sleep with the most beautiful beauty, if I understood that she was shit by nature. I was generally sick of such people, and whatever you say, beautiful women rarely have a good character...

I wanted to have real, most serious relationships - at first they call it a 'beautiful' romance - with walks under the moon, communication, flowers, and then, if possible, legal marriage. I did not see anything wrong with finding a girlfriend of life - whatever you say, but girlfriends of life among women are still sometimes found...

All this I also state for you to understand - proposed below the text is most suitable for those who, just like me, are interested in a real romance and a serious relationship. This is not a pickup guide at all, and I was completely amazed to find discussion of this text on the relevant sites...

It should also be added that the widespread opinion in our society that only those who are doomed to this way of dating are accessing ads due to some of its hidden or obvious inferiority, is only partially true. In most cases this is true (considering popular and in most cases completely dead-end Internet dating), but approximately 10-12% of the callers were women who are quite normal. Perhaps a bit boring... The most important thing - and I was able to understand this very quickly - is that the most interesting and quite worthy girls also occasionally resort to this genre. Where else can you find a mate for them? For the most part, they don’t go to taverns... So they should have learned to distinguish them from the wretched general mass. I had to be constantly on the alert, since a decent girl, as a rule, keeps up a conversation with a stranger, and even on the phone, and even in a situation where she called first, with great difficulty, and when I realized this, the task was extremely simplified. I had only to strain all my convolutions in order to reassure the poor thing with a few precisely calculated phrases. In addition, a decent girl is an extremely shy creature and (at least at first) very touchy. But this is so only until she starts to trust you. And after that you will fly away to heaven...

At least I definitely flew away, because the pure soul of a good girl is something even cooler than good music, and if you do not share this point of view, then so be it. The beast runs to the catcher, and, therefore, you will come across figures that are completely opposite. Good girls spoil, as a rule, very easily - provided that no one can appreciate them.

Anyway, my own 'filter list' was put together, and it was very convenient. First, order reigned in my head: I began to understand who, in fact, I need. Secondly, it has become more convenient to get acquainted. When you give your home phone number to a newspaper, less than 20-30 people a day do not call - of course, with a normal value system and a well-written ad. I am forced to note that my own text shone like a diamond against the background of flat and gray 'blanks' of the following kind: 'I will meet a slender tall woman for intimate meetings on her territory'; in addition, the author was almost the only one who plucked up courage and added his home phone number below...

I used this list like this: I just studied it well and kept it in my head, as it were, in the 'background'. In fact, at that time I was guided, rather, not by the points themselves (that would be real horror), but by the general feeling of “hooking or not hooking”, whether I like the person or not. Everything was analyzed after the conversation. If anything, the corresponding item seemed to pop up in the mind by itself. Don't forget - there were a lot of calls. There was always plenty to choose from. Not one, but another...

Without a doubt, at that period of my life I was aware that all these tens, hundreds and even thousands of calls only create the illusion of some demand. This is not a normal acquaintance on the street, where another person can instantly assess what you are like and whether it is worth continuing the acquaintance at all (whatever you say, this is most often the case with women). Here, at first, they usually 'peck' at the text of the ad. But after all, nothing prevents them from evaluating you later - first of all, as an interlocutor. One way or another, it all turned out to be a good school - at least in terms of communication. Yes, and for general self-affirmation, it is somehow useful...

In addition, I must say that it is generally not very effective to place ads in those places where they are specially served for dating - thematic newspapers, magazines, dating servers... Vulgar women roam there, completely obsessed with the idea of ​​​​dating and arranging their personal lives at any cost. The places listed turn into a kind of filter that spontaneously selects from the bulk of women round, full of fools - or preoccupied with money, which for me was always the same thing. On normal, unspoiled women, men already constantly 'sink down' - on the street, in transport, at work...

they quickly fall under the persistent illusion that it is easy to get to know fear here, they fall into a long search, “sit down” on it, and imperceptibly become not so much picky to the point of neuroticism as vulgar. Actually, taken all together, they profane the very genre of such an acquaintance, since they are capable of absolutely everything - even blackmail and threats. But all these hundreds and even thousands of crazy people will inevitably call you now, distribute your phone number to friends and work colleagues, put it in the databases of dating services...

Therefore, in order to find a decent 'copy' from an ad, you conscientiously sort out many dozens and even hundreds of them. By that time, you can go in cycles in dating, and indeed, there is a very real danger of going completely crazy. And so, in a good way, if you want to get to know a beauty in this way, then you need to submit an ad where it can be seen by chance - for example, on your dad's desktop, or visiting a friend... There are no number of those cool stories, when my ad was noticed among the scraps of paper in a public toilet, in the mountain of old waste paper in the entrance (moreover, six months after its publication), and one foreign language teacher, going abroad with a group of students, bought the same newspaper in Sheremetevo-2 and all the time the practice was only thinking about whether to call him upon her return... 'You see,' she said, calling anyway, 'the text of your ad was so frankly reminiscent of the style of the Silver Age, that I immediately realized what kind of person you are...' That girl, with whom I then had an affair, one day I went to a friend who sold newspapers, and pulled out the first one that came across just to look...

Actually, the amount of undesirable The number of calls for ‘random’ publication does not decrease too much, but the number of calls of the most suitable ones immeasurably increases. Then I guessed about all this and began to publish in one of the supplements to the newspaper 'Speed-Info', where it cost, by the way, mere pennies. By that time, the circulation of the newspaper was more than half a million copies... And no one bothered to indicate their home phone number at all, only the postal addresses of the mailbox and poste restante. Can you imagine how many calls I received? They even broke through from other republics (despite the fact that the text indicated ‘only for Muscovites strictly up to 24 years old’); they called me even more than a year later...