In the world of modern technology, people most often choose online dating. This is quite logical, most of them are constantly busy at work and do not always have the opportunity for live communication. And now imagine that you have been corresponding with a charming girl for a long time on a dating site or on a social network.
It is very interesting for you to chat, and the companion beckons with her beauty. And here everything is spoiled by one very significant “but”: the girl does not live in your city. Is it worth giving a chance to such a relationship, or is it better to pay attention exclusively to the ladies in the neighborhood?
There are many factors to consider here. When it comes to long distance relationships, not everyone can take this really seriously. Therefore, I decided to answer all questions related to this topic to the maximum. I'll start with the positives.
Positive aspects of relationships at a distance
It only at first glance seems that they do not exist. However, not every couple who is constantly next to each other can boast of harmony in their relationship. So, I suggest you familiarize yourself with the list of advantages of such romance:
You do not bother each other.
But this is indeed a very important point. Love quickly turns into something mundane and boring, which you may not really appreciate, since your partner is not going anywhere. The girl is always there, she chats incessantly and even sometimes annoys. Long distance relationships don't have this problem. The partner simply does not have time to bore you with her constant presence. By the way, you're not an eyesore either.
And this will especially appeal to inveterate introverts who need freedom more than air. I remember I once met with a colleague. We moved in together, and I endured as much as 2.5 years before I completely lost my mind, collected my belongings and in a hurry dumped into the sunset. It was really unbearable. The man was always there. There was an impression that there was too much of it in my every day.
Squabbles and mutual claims quickly began. Even intimate life was no longer pleasing, since it turned out to be impossible to quietly scratch your ass without a comment from the faithful. His keen eyes were everywhere. To be honest, I still remember such relationships with a shudder. No, it's better to see each other a little less often, but to keep your sanity.
You have time to get bored.
A logical continuation of the previous paragraph. When you don’t see a person every day, you gradually begin to want to be next to him, chat, touch his hand, breathe in the smell of hair. Just marshmallows in chocolate, you say, and you will be absolutely right. Long distance relationships are a constant reminder of how precious a girl is and that it is much better with her than without her.
When your girlfriend lives in another city or country in general, then every trip to visit her turns out to be a small adventure filled with vivid emotions. This is not just a walk to the next street to the stall for shawarma. Such a visit is a great opportunity to spend time together outside the apartment.
Whatever one may say, but the minimum number of people will know about long-distance relationships, unless, of course, you blurt out (and guys like to brag about their ladies, I already understood this in practice). When you meet a local girl, sooner or later you will be noticed walking together by colleagues, friends, relatives and acquaintances.
This is the reason for the birth of rumors. And they rarely help to strengthen relationships. This will appeal to lovers to keep their new passion a secret from friends. You never know who will lay eyes on her from the environment.
More attention and romance in meetings.
When you see each other every day, then the second half can easily screw off going out with girlfriends on your day off instead of being around and watching a movie. But rare meetings guarantee a warm welcome and maximum time spent together. The attitude becomes more reverent, as there is no way to see a loved one at any time on demand.
There is no notorious everyday life.
This is the real scourge of modern relations. If you decide to live together, then sooner or later, daily duties will begin to cool the ardor and bring discord into a seemingly ideal relationship. Someone will explode because of a cup not washed in time. Another will give his opinion on spending a lot of time in the bathroom in the morning. As a result, the forces remain only for a joint dinner and sleep on different sides of the bed.
Long-distance relationships are always a pleasant excitement before each date, the best erotic lingerie from a girl and a desire to love her for the rest of her days from a guy. It is unlikely that when you meet you will argue who will go to the store for bread and whose turn it is to wash the dirty dishes that have accumulated in the sink. Just enjoy the love and long-awaited reunion. No household problems.
There is always something to talk about.
What can you tell your beloved when you have only managed to work out from the heart for the whole day, have a little snack and not kill anyone in the office, although you really wanted to? When you are constantly around, topics for heart-to-heart conversation end sooner or later. If you remember about long-distance relationships, then after each breakup, you immediately want to share the latest events in your life.
And if you and a girl have nothing to talk about after a session of stormy love, then what will happen next? Sex as marital debt? Cohabitation as roommates? Believe my experience, pleasant communication on various topics is the key to a strong and harmonious relationship. So do not try to tell everything in messengers. Leave something for long and romantic evenings spent together.
There is time for hobbies and work.
Everyone should have at least a little personal freedom. When relationships take everything, they start to tire. Without an outlet, the partner becomes a burden. Love at a distance is a guarantee of respect for everyone's time. And yet - a banal sip of freedom.
Lack of control.
Many people, when they start a relationship, begin to claim the title of strict owner. Usually this does not lead to good. It even comes to visiting work at the height of the working day and harassing calls with a demand here and now to tell where you are at the moment. Terrible feeling, to be honest. You get the impression that you are constantly being watched. So close to paranoia.
When you start a relationship at a distance, they already imply a certain personal freedom. The girl herself tunes in not to get her beloved during the working day. And what's the difference when you still don't check after the fact whether he is in the office or walking. The lady will not urgently take off and go to another city to make sure that the guy is telling the truth.
So often such relationships still have a high degree of trust between partners. Otherwise, they cannot last for a long time.
Sounds pretty good overall. If you approach this alignment wisely, then relationships, even at a great distance, will always get a chance for development and a good ending. But not to do without obvious shortcomings. Now let's talk about the cons of such romance.
Relationship problems at a distance
You don't have to look far for them. Many guys are afraid of this type of meeting, as there are a number of certain difficulties. By the way, usually girls are more easy-going and may well agree to meet a man from a neighboring city and even a country. Here is a list of the main disadvantages of relationships at a decent distance:
And who said it would be easy? Alas, the difference in kilometers between you simply will not allow you to enjoy each other at the first call of your heart (and not only). Sometimes this develops into discontent and irritability. You understand what happens to an unloved woman, not a little one already.
Jealousy and distrust of the partner increase.
This is quite logical when it comes to relationships at a distance. There is little to say or write. In fact, a person cannot be verified at all. And here you either learn to trust each other, or inevitably part. Because it is simply impossible to live in ignorance and on nerves all the time. Someone will definitely run out of patience.
There is a risk of not seeing each other for a long time.
Situations are different. For example, an emergency at work, a sudden business trip, or an epidemic in general, as you managed to observe recently. If you and your girlfriend live in different cities or countries, unforeseen circumstances may arise at any time that prevent a meeting. And this is where the quarrels on the basis of discontent begin.
Well, imagine yourself. The lady was waiting for you, preparing, she made plans, she did the epilation of the whole body, but you took it and did not come. It's embarrassing as hell. So before agreeing to love at a distance, soberly evaluate the pros and cons of this undertaking. Maybe it's still worth looking for a girl somewhere closer?
It's hard morally.
Loving someone and not being able to see a person, touch him and talk heart to heart is really not easy. Not all couples stand the test of distance. Even if they lived together before, under new circumstances (job change, study in another city, etc.), relationships often begin to collapse before our eyes.
One farewell alone is worth something. Girls sometimes have the feeling that they are once again seeing off their man to the army, so it's not easy.
The time has come to raise the topic of finance. Sometimes between lovers there is not too much distance at all, but the lack of money for regular trips. After all, you may well decide that a foreign bride is the best option. But remember that you will have to visit her regularly at home, such a pleasure costs a lot of money.
Lack of free time.
Employment has not yet been canceled either. Not every city can be visited in one day. But at work you can’t explain to your boss that this is true love. Regular tardiness, absenteeism or unscheduled days off can seriously damage your reputation and deprive you of a warm place in the office (or at the machine, whatever it is). Is it worth it to risk your career for the sake of a girl with whom, perhaps, nothing will work out? I would not advise.
Misunderstanding on the part of family and environment.
This point is mostly taken as secondary. But not all adult boys are so independent as to completely ignore the opinions of other people. Sometimes jokes from friends and reproach from parents become a stumbling block for long-distance relationships. Everything seems to suit you, but your mother dissuades you from wasting time and money on trips to another city.
Here everything depends on the person's personal abstraction from external factors of influence. The more you pay attention to the opinions of other people, the less chance there is to go your life path on your own and for pleasure.
Little in common with the beloved.
When you spend a lot of time with a girl, you involuntarily begin to copy each other's habits, finish the phrases started by your partner, or feel inner peace. I can't say the same for long distance relationships. Still, rare meetings make themselves felt. You are more disjointed, abstracted, and get along just fine without having to interact with each other on a daily basis.
On the one hand, this is not so bad. After all, strong codependency is a sign of an unhealthy relationship. On the other hand, feelings are also not so passionate. Just good friends who also have sex sometimes. This form of love is not for everyone.
Lack of certainty.
In this case, it is much more difficult to plan any joint future. It is not known how circumstances will divorce you from a girl. And if you do not have the opportunity to purchase a separate housing, or at least rent it in order to transport your chosen one there? Yes, problem. And it is not clear how it will all end in the end.
Lack of due seriousness.
Unfortunately, many people are skeptical about long-distance relationships. Even if you fell in love with a woman, she may well consider a non-resident candidate for a hand and heart only as a friend. This is especially characteristic of pragmatists who look at reality too soberly. Well, no romantic dreams, by golly.
To avoid such an unpleasant situation when one partner takes the other lightly, by all means pronounce your attitude towards the girl. Let her know for sure that you are not going to just ride to her to hold the handle and take a walk. If your views and goals do not match, it is better to end such a relationship as soon as possible, while it is not too painful.
Most often, the finale comes fairly quickly.
Sadly, it is not always possible to talk about long-distance relationships in a positive way. Many couples can't stand the miles and just break up. It is very hard to love a person without knowing exactly when you will be lucky enough to meet again.
My advice to you, listen only to the voice of your own mind and heart. No matter what anyone says, any relationship requires investments, both moral and material. If a girl is definitely worth going to her at least to the other end of the planet, then everything can work out. Indeed, in the absence of desire, you can score on the love that lives in the next apartment.
In order for your relationship to develop as smoothly as possible, I recommend that you take into account the following points:
Choose a partner at least in my country.
Let it be even different cities. But differences in customs, languages and mentality in this case will not interfere on the path to personal happiness. It is also much easier and cheaper to travel around the country by any mode of transport. Don't make life difficult for yourself. Remember that you live in Russia, this is already a hard level.
The closer the better.
It's always easier to meet a girl from a neighboring town. This will not have to be spent on overcoming long distances, and it will not greatly affect the work. You can generally go to visit her in the evening, and return in the morning immediately to the office. I have a friend who met with his future wife for 4 years. And nothing fell apart.
Communicate more via video.
The more often people look at each other, the stronger their relationship. This fact has long been proven from the point of view of psychology. Therefore, do not limit yourself to simple calls.
Travel together regularly.
If you can’t make time for frequent trips to your beloved, then it is advisable to spend every vacation together. So you will get closer and will not miss each other much. And it's also a great opportunity to live together for a while without a total move and trucks with boxes.
Love at a distance is not easy. Is it worth it to complicate things with scandals? Learn how to communicate as calmly as possible on the phone and on social networks. Indeed, during a virtual conversation, a person may simply not understand the intonation of the sentence and be offended out of the blue.
Plan your common future more often.
This greatly strengthens the relationship and brings a little warmth to them, as well as hope for the best. Communicate more, pronounce your own desires and plans for the future. Why not fantasize a little?
So, my verdict is this. Long-distance relationships may well exist, but only if you are both adults and self-sufficient individuals who do not suffer from a penchant for drama and jealousy. Only in this way can such love grow into something more. Follow your heart and don't listen to anyone else. Good luck!