100 useful tips for men

You will definitely need these tips if you are from our planet. What, where, when and how! Hundreds of relevant and vital advice for men.

1. Don't be alone with a woman in a hotel room unless sex is at all in your plans. 2. If there is no ruler at hand, use improvised means as measuring instruments: all domestic banknotes are 15 x 6.5 cm in size; diskette - 9 x 9 cm; video cassette - 18.5 x 10 cm; your penis - you know. 3. Ever since each of us managed to get ahead of 100 million other spermatozoa, we have been driven by a competitive spirit. It is better to stop denying the importance of this motive once and for all and start using it. 4. Forty-five percent of those killed by violent death knew their killers. Moral: the less people you know, the less willing to send you to the next world. 5. Lost in the woods? Go down into the lowlands until you meet a river or stream. Go downstream until you get to Moscow or Khabarovsk. 6. The belt should be five centimeters wider than the waist and fasten with the third hole. And be in the same color scheme with shoes. 7. The more muscle you have, the more calories you burn naturally. Whether you are sitting or running, working or sleeping. This is because muscle tissue is 17-25 times more actively involved in metabolism than fat. 8. Only talk about what you really know. If you don't know, sit back and shut up. 9. A successful marriage is one in which you never feel like you are compromising. 10. The slower you do a strength exercise, the more muscle fibers are involved in the process, the larger they will be.

11. When you look at the penis from top to bottom, it seems smaller. 12. Learn to enjoy what you do to please another. Explore female sexuality. 13. Muscles that do the same movement for a long time gradually adapt to use fewer fibers for this. In order to avoid idle loads, change exercises for a particular muscle group more often. 14. Never pay for a job before it's finished. 15. Afraid of incurring criticism from their wives, many men stop amusing their children with somersaults, violent games with furniture and fuss on the floor. Such men very quickly turn into lethargic and tedious dads. 16. Do not try to win approval by hook or by crook. More respect is caused by those who do not care about other people's opinions.

17. Don't wait and see for the symptoms of heart failure—pain, tightness, and heaviness in the chest. Urgently to the doctor. 18. When you pour beer into the middle of a glass, you get more bubbles, smell and taste. However, there is also a lot of foam, so first you need to pour beer along the wall of the mug. Then direct the jet to the middle. The foam cap will be small, but thick. 19. Don't tell long jokes. Especially involved in the game of words. 20. Pants should be of such length that socks do not peek out when walking.

21. Save the family idyll: * turn away from the TV; * listen to what she says; *repeat the last phrase;

* say that there is a rational grain in this; * turn to the TV. 22. Don't be the first to interview. The last candidate gets the job 56% of the time. The worst day of the week for an interview is Monday, the worst time is the end of the day. 23. The usual rinsing and squeezing of a piece of meat can expel up to 50% of fat from it. 24. The longer you ignore something—a rattling engine, a crack in the ceiling, or a worried expression on your girlfriend's face—the more you'll have to pay for it in the end. For a while, everything will go well, but everything will end with an overhaul of the engine, a collapsed ceiling and a collapsed relationship. 25. Beware of a guy who bends his knees and keeps his arms along his torso. Most likely, with the next movement, he will try to break your jaw. Look into his eyes. Aggressive intentions are calculated by the characteristic intensity of the gaze. 26. Reader's opinion: “When I wanted to somehow cover up my growing bald spot, I bought an electric razor and shaved off everything in FIG. No hair, no problem. Liberty. I don't like my baldness. I'm proud of her." 27. Tell your friend that you have a headache and that, according to the latest research, testicular massage helps. It is not necessary to specify that the experiments were carried out on rats. 28. The component that makes tomatoes red, lycopene, can not only prevent prostate cancer, but also treat it. 29. Women really love complaisant men more than stubborn ones. But only if complaisance does not go to the detriment of the ability to dominate. Weak and weak-willed women are absolutely not quoted. Don't be afraid to disappoint your friend by expressing your strong opinion at the time of choosing a restaurant, accommodation, or number of children.

30. Do you want to be a father? Make children at dawn. Male fertility peaks in the early morning. 31. If you want to win the attention of the audience, do not make more than three pivot points in your speech. This is the maximum number of thoughts that listeners can perceive.

32. According to scientific research, serious competition of any kind increases the level of testosterone in the body. A long-term increase in testosterone levels develops the will to win. The victory causes a sharp jump in testosterone levels. Which stimulates mental activity and increases the reaction rate. Such an interesting physiology. 33. Never tell a person that he looks bad or sad. 34. Know how to save your life according to the Helmlich method. If you're choking, clench your fingers into a fist and place your thumb knuckle under your stomach. Grab your fist with your other hand and poke it inward and upward several times. If it doesn’t help, lean on the back of a chair or the corner of the table in the same place and make a few jerks, trying to force the air from the lungs to push the stuck piece out. 35. In order not to miss a single vitamin from muesli with milk, drink the white gruel at the bottom of the plate. 36. A man in socks and shorts is the worst kind of man. If there is someone else in the room, take off your socks before you take off your pants. 37. Rule #1: Don't Panic! Rule #2: Don't panic! Rule N3: see rules 1 and 2. 38. Women like men who listen to them with interest. And they listen. And they listen. And… 39. Confuse the enemy with your eyes: * don't blink; * lean slightly forward; * repeat to yourself: "This beggar encroaches on my property"; * turn your excitement into aggression. Angry at yourself for daring to be nervous; * understand that you can tear it, even if it is not entirely obvious. 40. To bring a woman to orgasm faster, use the following technique. Instead of leaning on your arms or hugging your partner, lie down on her chest. Stop the friction and start stimulating her clit with pubic friction. Just move up and down while maintaining full contact. Swinging movements should occur slowly and sadly. It may not work right away, but you will like the effect. And not only to you.

41. Men are obsessed with the development of all kinds of muscles - biceps, abs, deltoids, etc. But the most important muscle is often left without our attention. The heart is a muscle just like any other. You can make him strong and enduring, or you can leave him sluggish and weak. Choose yourself. 42. A healthy person in every sense of the word should know many ways to enjoy life. 43. If you (God forbid) have an operation on a paired organ, do not be too lazy to get a felt-tip pen and mark the right place with it. The probability of medical error is negligible, but it exists. And so you will control the process, even while under anesthesia. 44. If you are overcome by rage, stop the urge to write an angry letter or tell someone you need a couple of affectionate ones on the phone. Put your thoughts on a piece of paper and let it rest on the table. Later you will probably want to edit it. 45. Headache? Stuff a pair of tennis balls into a sock, tie it up, lie down on the floor and put the socks with the balls under the place where the head grows into the neck. 46. ​​Lying down in bed in a playful mood, you make a gift to yourself and to the one who will be there. For adults, sex is almost the only way to play. It is foolish to miss such an opportunity.

47. Serve the old people on the street. No comment. 48. Rudeness and arrogance is most often a mask behind which lies a lack of self-confidence. Moreover, it hides badly, women easily recognize insecure men. They don't go crazy. The authorities can entrust the work to an insecure person, but they will not trust him. Only self-confidence conquers both women's hearts and the top of the ratings. 49. If you want to pump up your shoulder girdle, there is no better exercise than pull-ups. Grab the bar with a straight grip, hands shoulder-width apart. Slowly pull yourself up until your chin is level with the bar. Get down and repeat the movement for as long as you can. Do three sets three times a week. 50. If your child calls his mother "mom", this is not a reason for you to start calling her the same way. Women can't stand it.

51. Do not wear trousers with a zipper on your naked body - you can pinch something important. 52. If your lower back hurts, stop carrying your wallet in your back pocket. A tight wallet puts pressure on the sciatic nerve when you sit, and it is he who is responsible for the entire “lower floor”. 53. Eat one banana every day. Potassium prevents the deposition of cholesterol on the walls of blood vessels.

54. Many men complain of boredom in a stable sexual relationship. At the same time, most of them forget that in order to receive a lot, you need to give a lot. Ask yourself if you go to bed in the mood to improvise, be playful, original and thirsty. 55. “You’re kind of pretty… you must be a model…” is not a compliment. Praise not the nature that created her, but what she herself achieved: “you have an awesome sense of humor”, “great taste”, “an intriguing hairstyle”. 56. If you have a heart attack, act according to the following scheme: Cough sharply. If the heart rhythm is disturbed, a sharp cough may be enough to restore it. Call an ambulance. Don't try to drive yourself to the hospital. Take an aspirin. Chew the pill so that the medicine is quickly absorbed and enters the bloodstream. Be persistent in talking to the doctor, your life may be in danger. 57. You can eat right, exercise regularly - all this will be useless if you do not get enough sleep. Sleep at least 8 hours. If you actively train - not less than 9. 58. Pets can also be involved in training. Try step aerobics with a cat. Step 1: step on the cat. Step 2: Get off the cat. Step 3: step on the cat. Step 4: Get off the cat. Repeat this movement for 45 minutes. or as long as you have the strength. To increase the load, you can use two cats. 59. There is only one catchphrase for dating that works: "Hi." Introduce yourself, ask her about her, after which - and this is the most important thing - shut up and listen. 60. Each of us has a perfectly inflated press - it's just that for many it is somewhat hidden under a layer of fat. You can get rid of it with regular aerobic exercise. And you need to pump up the press, concentrating not only on the cubes themselves, but also on the upper abdominal muscles and lower back.

61. Top ten foods that prevent cancer: broccoli, tomatoes, spinach, oranges, garlic, apples, soybeans, carrots, green tea, red wine. 62. Don't confuse success with luck. Your own or someone else's. The first is the natural fruit of efforts, the second is an accident.

63. Regular sex improves immunity. 64. Women's interpretation of the concept of "15-minute prelude" (for information): The first 3 minutes. Kiss me like I'm the only one in the whole world. Turn off the TV and stop chewing. 4-6 minutes. Kiss me some more. Now you can start touching me. Not so. Like this. Gently, as if this is a completely new sensation for you. Let me touch you too. 7-12 minutes. Very slowly begin to undress me. Undress yourself. At the end I will help you. 13-15 minutes. Now you can connect the mouth. Biting, sucking, pulling... In sensitive places a little more tender, in the rest a little bolder. 65. The closer to the morning, the better you look. In other words, the less time left before the bar closes, the more generously women evaluate men. As well as vice versa. It's not just about getting drunk. The fewer men in sight, the more valuable each of them. 66. While waiting for a turn from the left lane, keep your wheels straight. If some idiot inadvertently flies into you from behind, at least you will not be carried into the oncoming lane. 67. Be politically correct when discussing anything in the men's room. You never know who will come out of the next booth. 68. Eating two apples daily, you are very likely to lose 5 kg in a year. 69. Don't check the contents of a handkerchief after blowing your nose. At least in public. From the outside it looks terrible. 70. Don't sleep with someone you might have to fire, or someone who might one day fire you.

71. There are three tie knots that every man should be able to tie: classic, butterfly and pioneer. 72. Gynecologists found that women who had frequent oral sex had a 50% lower risk of preolampsia, a pregnancy complication. Nothing strange - it's all about the specific composition of the sperm that enters the female body.

73. To avoid a morning hangover, you should drink mineral water in the evening (the more, the better), and when you wake up, eat a couple of tablespoons of honey with strong coffee. 74. Any repair is, by definition, a man's job. 75. Many people died due to the fact that after the accident they sorted out the relationship, standing between the two affected cars. It is better to move discussions to the sidelines - a third and fourth can quickly be added to two rumpled cars on the track. 76. Read carefully everything under which you put your signature. Good things will be printed a lot and in capital letters. Everything unpleasant is described sparingly and in small print. 77. When faced with a serious medical problem, consult at least three independent specialists. 78. Ask for a raise if you feel you deserve it. Write down on a piece of paper all your achievements that deserve encouragement. Take this leaflet when you go to the boss. 79. Be brave. Or seem so - from the outside, one is indistinguishable from the other. 80. Always keep something beautiful in front of your eyes, even a crumpled chamomile in a faceted glass.

81. Never leave behind a lifted seat in the toilet and hair in the bathroom. 82. Don't buy cheap tools. A good expensive set will last you a lifetime and pass on to your descendants. 83. Don't leave funny greetings on your answering machine. 84. An even and firm gait speaks of your balanced character and self-confidence.

85. Park in the outer lane and away from the entrance. The chance of getting scratched is reduced by 50% and you will have a chance to take a walk. 86. Any, even the most sensitive clothes, can be safely rinsed in cold water. 87. When you are praised, all that is required of you is just to say “thank you”. No more, no less. 88. Think twice before burdening someone with your secret. 89. For a blind date, it is better to choose the daytime. If things don't work out, it will be easier to leave. 90. Never leave the keys in the ignition and lock the car, even if you park it in the yard of your own dacha.

91. Don't go grocery shopping when you're hungry. Be sure to buy extra.

92. Always keep a blanket, a flashlight and a set of spare batteries in the car. 93. When traveling, fill up the tank when the fuel level drops to 1/4. 94. Don't use a toothpick in public. Or at least do it in a non-descript way. 95. Don't trust people who ask you to be honest with them. As well as those who stubbornly convince you of their own honesty. 96. When someone tells something important to him, do not try to insert your "similar case." Let the person be at the center of the conversation. 97. Don't complain about lack of time. There are as many hours in your day as there are Einstein, Gates and Soros. 98. Do not go out to visit until you make up. 99. When explaining a breakup with a woman, try to confine yourself to the replica "It was all my fault." 100. Be more reckless and bold. When you look back on life, you will regret more what you didn't do than what you did.

Photo: flickr.com/miguelaguileraforero Miguel. Aguilera